Completely Hysterical

Last night I completely lost it. I had talked to Jerry earlier in the day and he said he was taking Maddy to his mom's for a little bit and would probably eat dinner there since I had my hair appt. at 6:30. So, ok, fine. I was a little sad I wouldn't see Maddy until after my haircut, but I could live with it. I said I should be home around 8, and he said he'd be home by then. So, imagine my surprise when I get home at 8 and he's not there. I completely lost it. He wasn't answering his cell phone (it was in the car) and he wasn't at his mom's (they went out to dinner). I left a nasty voice mail message for him and was crying and all upset because I had felt guilty all day that I had to go get my hair cut and wouldn't be home for that couple of hours, but then my hubby made it ten times worse. He calls me back and says, "It's not my fault you had to get your haircut and we were on our own for dinner." OK, so now he is trying to make me feel guilty for getting my hair done, which I hadn't had done in 3 months and needed desperately and was already feeling guilty about anyhow. So he said they were on their way home (8:15 p.m.). I was waiting in the garage for them to pull in! I have got to calm down about these things and realize that it's ok to take a little time for me once in a while. I just wish hubby would make this a little easier for me.

I have this totally crazy fear that if I don't see Maddy for any extended amount of time that our bond will lessen - it's stupid I know, but I just don't want her to forget her mommy. I love being her favorite person to see, and I just don't want to lose that, so I hate leaving her ever for anything. I do it, because I have to, but I hate every second of it. Crazy. I need to stop feeling so guilty and realize that my daughter loves me and our bond will be forever.