Friends

Jerry's college roommate (DS) is one of my best friends. He and his wife are so amazing, and we have so much fun with them. We never told them about the affair and/or what we were going through during that time. I didn't want to tell DS for fear of ruining his friendship with Jer (knowing full-well that DS would go ballistic on Jer for what he did), but for some odd reason DS and I started emailing back and forth today and it kind-of came out. I think it's a good thing he knows, and that it's been so long now that it's hard to really get too upset about it, but DS and I have become really good friends lately, and I've wanted him to know for a while now. I think partly because DS has always been really good about reminding Jerry of how good he has it and telling me how great I am (which always makes me feel really good), and I think that it's good for Jer to hear that once in a while.

Jerry is really bad about romance and compliments and all those lovey-dovey things that girls adore, and that's fine. He's been that way the entire time I've known him, but what happens when you don't do those things AND you cheat, you create an incredibly negative situation. DS and his wife have always made Jer and I feel really good. We love going out with them, and we have so much fun with them, and we saw them yesterday and so DS and I started emailing about some future dates for us to get together and the conversation just turned in a weird direction about the way Jerry takes me for granted. I'm not sure how I feel about it all in retrospect... It's weird.

Bottom line - I absolutely adore DS and am super-glad for his friendship and I think he just might help me give Jerry a good swift kick-in-the-ass to try a little harder.

Mommy's Day and other stuff

So my Mommy's Day was rather nice... Jerry bought the carpet and lights for my stamp room for me, and he put it all in already. I'm really excited to get that set up and done. My mom got me an outfit, my in-law's gave me flowers and Bath & Body Works stuff. I spent all day on Saturday with Maddy and had a nice "family day." Then we went to dinner with the in-law's Saturday night. Sunday, we hung out at my grandma's house and had a great dinner with everyone. All in all a great weekend.

This one is shaping up to be a good one, too. Oh wait, back up a second. Forgot to mention that the stupid psychobitch sent my grandma a Mother's Day card to her work! Yeah, wrote all this BS in it about how she's keeping herself busy and all that. What the fuck ever! Like she has any right to be communicating with my poor innocent grandmother! Oh, she has some nerve. I've been debating all week about sending her a bitchy email, but I think it's best if I just don't even let her know she's still pissing me off...

Anyhow, this weekend, we are going to go out downtown tonight and have a little fun with some friends and then tomorrow we are supposed to take Maddy to the zoo (weather-permitted). Should be good.

This week has been extremely hectic. So happy for the weekend.

Gotta run and do some work now. Have a great weekend, all.

The Letters I Write... In My Head

So I find myself writing these letters in my head, the ones I wish I could actually write on paper and send in the mail or at the very least draft into an email... They are all to the psychobitch, and they are all pretty much the same in nature, and there is one thought just always comes to mind...

I take great comfort in knowing that she will eventually burn in hell.

I'm totally not kidding or meaning that in any other sense beside the literally meaning. I know that she will suffer eternal damnation, and I honestly couldn't be happier about it.

When you collectively look at all the sins she has committed and all the people that she has hurt along the way, I truly believe there is no forgiveness that great.

And you know, I'm a Christian. I believe that Jesus died for our sins and all of that; however, I think there comes a time when enough is enough and when you are not living your life as a Christian and at least making an effort not to intentionally hurt people and not to cause pain, and there has to be a point when you're just beyond redemption. I believe that she has reached that point, and sadly, she's only 25 years old.

Looking back... she's had an abortion, she's stolen money, she's committed numerous felonies, she's lied, she's cheated, she slept with a married man, she tried to kill her step dad, and aside from actually murdering someone, I truly don't think there is anything worse she can do. And the worst part of it all, the part that truly assures me she is going to hell, is that she isn't even sorry about any of it!?

Bah. I get so angry and worked up when I think of her.

When I'm not writing the nasty letters in my head, I'm daydreaming about literally beating the shit out of her.

I think it may be time to see a shrink...

Madeline & Mommy

So I just can't seem to get enough of my baby girl these days. I just want to hold her and play with her, and it's all I think about while I'm at work. I think it's partly because she is just too much fun - she cracks me up with the little games she's figured out and how she's learning to tell me just exactly what it is that she wants. She's also learned what "time out" means, and she walks by her little "time out" chair shaking her head "no." Every night she gets this little burst of energy before bed time and she runs around shreaking with delight and laughing, and she jumps up and down and does her "monkey" sound. She wants to read all of her books over and over again. She's so sweet and so much fun.

She and I took a bath together in our big tub on Sunday night, and she just wanted to lay on me and give me hugs. It was probably one of the best moments of motherhood I've ever had.

This desire to hold her and play so much with her is really making me want another baby to share all of this with. Jerry and I are both ready, but we're going to wait until mid-summer to start trying. We'd both really like another spring baby. I really can't wait to be pregnant again.

Being a mom is the most amazing thing in the entire world, and I never imagined it was possible to love something/someone as much as I love Maddy. It's just so hard to even describe, and the happiness she brings to my life is just too much for words!