This time of year...

This time of year brings about so many emotions for me. With my girls, Christmas is going to be amazing this year; and I am trying so hard to introduce Maddy to traditions and all of the fun stuff associated with this time of year. However, I must say that all of this is a little shaded for me because this is also the time of year that 3 years ago I found out about the affair...

My family is BIG into Christmas. Family shopping day, decorating, baking, etc. I LOVE all of the things we do getting ready for the big day, and I really want my girls to know that. I want them to remember their mama singing Christmas songs and dancing around the kitchen with them, when they look back on their childhood Christmas memories. So, I have been busy making an idiot out of myself at home with my girls. Singing and dancing and baking and making hot cocoa.

Maddy is so excited about Christmas she can't stand it! We made "reindeer food" to sprinkle outside on Christmas Eve, and she asks every day if we can "sprinkle it all over the gas today?" She shows every single person, no matter how many times they have been over, as soon as they walk in the door, our Christmas tree. She tells them about every ornament! Friday, we went to see Santa. It was big moment for her. She was a nervous wreck about it, but Jerry calmed her down.

Miss Emma sat on his lap first and smiled huge, which put Maddy at ease. She sat right on his lap and took an amazing picture! Then, she got down and talked to him. She was so nervous, she was shaking. She told him she wanted a make-up table and a Barbie. She said Miss Emma wanted a teddy bear, and then she told him she's been a good girl and was going on the potty. It was hilarious! When we walked away, she was a different kid. Flooded with relief, she grabbed her daddy's hand and went "swooshing" her dress down the aisle in the mall.

She is very excited about getting presents. She told me the other day that "Santa will be very quiet." He won't wake her up, but she'll come downstairs and be surprised. We have to bake him cookies because he will "eat 'em all up!"

She asks me to tell Santa every time she does something good - when she goes potty, when she eats her food, when she shares with her sissy. I have to talk to the ceiling, because she knows he is watching her! Totally so much fun.

Those girls make everything incredibly fun!

Last week was really tough on me though. It was the anniversary of the night I found out about the affair. I remember every single detail of that night and the next few days after that as if it were yesterday. AND to top it all off... we have discovered that the horrible bitch is working at the mall 2 minutes down the street from my house. Yes, she has been sighted, by none other than my brother!!! He ran out of the store, and she actually sent him a text message and told him he could've at least said hi! Psycho!

Small confession: When we were at the mall visiting Santa on Friday night, I was secretly hoping we would see her. My girls were all dolled up and we were quite the happy little family, and I wish she could've seen us and knew that what she did, didn't ruin us, me or our life together. She wasn't working though.

Anyhow, this post is totally random and all over the map, and I know I haven't posted anything iN FOREVER, but things have been insanely busy at work and at home!!!

Happy Holidays to everyone!!

Baby

Yeah, in case you missed in that last post... life is about to get a whole lot more interesting in the never-ending drama that is my brother. He told us all on Friday that his girlfriend is pregnant.

I don't think I've posted very much about him and the whole psycho divorce hell scene, but I'm sure I will be using this blog as an outlet for some of things I can't ever say to him or to my family. So, let me give you the low-down...

Bro and Girlfriend met in summer of 2006 (his divorce was final in March 2006). They met at the bar below his old apartment. The first time that I met her, she walked out of my brother's room wearing his clothes and looking all disheveled. She has a daughter, who shares the same name as my oldest, who is 4 1/2.

In November last year, she bought a condo and my brother moved in with her and the girl.

Now, here we are, less than a year later, and they're having a baby. They are excited about this, and semi-planned this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yet, they are not married. They have no money. They have no room for the baby in the condo. Just a couple of weeks ago, my brother had to take his dog to the vet, and he had to borrow money from my mom to do that!!!! Agh.

I don't know where to start, but I also cannot begin to tell you how completely in awe I am of my mother. She is completely calm about the whole situation. She claims she saw it coming. I also think she's just going with the flow, because she can't really say anything seeing as she got pregnant with me when she was 14 - not exactly the ideal situation either.

We all know he will be a great dad; however, I have seen this chick in mommy-action and it is not exactly a pretty scene. We'll see how this all goes down. I'll be posting more often, I'm sure of it.

Catching Up.

It's been a long time since I've posted anything or read any other blogs. Life is just so crazy. Actually, it has been so crazy that I wound up in the ER on Thursday because I had a migraine so bad that I couldn't see straight and my hands were going numb. Diagnosis: Too much stress. I can't imagine why or where all this tension is coming from? Could it be because last week at work I was dealing with an abandoned baby and a school shooting? Or that I had my stamp club to get ready for? Or that I decided I also needed to throw in reorganizing my stamp room and creating a special art board for Maddy on top of my regular duties in the same week? Or maybe it is because my mom lost her job and got a new one, but now won't be keeping my girls on Thursday nights anymore? Or maybe it is because I found out my brother's girlfriend is pregnant and my whole family is asking me how I feel about it? Or maybe it's because my baby girl cut two teeth in one week? Or perhaps it is that my oldest daughter is taking giant steps backwards in the potty training debacle? Ha! I don't know why on earth I can be stressed?

Well, it took two different doses of IV pain meds to get rid of the headache. I had a CT scan and an EKG, but all was normal. I took off work on Friday, but ended up doing work anyhow because you know Congress votes this week to try to override the President's veto of the SCHIP bill and an editorial in the newspaper is exactly what will help put the pressure on!

I know I'm stressed, and I know my body can't handle it all on this never-ending path of insanity, but I also don't know how or when or what to do about it. I know somewhere something's gotta give, but right now, I just don't know what that is... My instincts are stamping and some of the social commitments, but I don't want to lose that either because those are things I do for myself and for fun and creative time. I think I just have to try to survive for a while, at least until I get through the next few years of toddlerhood with the girls!! I'm just hoping I can keep the migraines managable until then!

Moments...

So, I had to be at work today at 4:30 in the morning. No biggie, until Miss Emma wakes up at 2 a.m.! Now, she has been sleeping through the night since she was 3 weeks old, and she picks last night to wake up with the sniffles/a cold. I was huffy and puffy climbing out of bed to go get her, but it was so bizarre because the very second I had her in my arms all of that stress/anger just melted away. She's the sweetest little thing and she loves her mommy, and she melts my heart.

Went to bed early last night (to prepare for my early rise today), and putting Maddy to bed early is a challenge. She's a chatty Cathy... Anyhow, we read some books and then she says, "Mom, cuddle me. I love you soooo much!" Doesn't get any better than that!

I had to be at work early because we are in the middle of our annual Radiothon (Clevelanders - tune in to Mix 106.5 FM). It's my job to find the "miracle stories" we record and put to music. Listening to the stories brings tears to my eyes every single time, but this morning, one of the moms called in after her story aired and the person who answered in the phone bank said that this mom was asking for me. I got on the phone, and she's teary and says, "thank you so much for letting us be a part of this!" Wow. I love my job.