A little weird

I think I mentioned a few posts ago that my brother is now dating someone new. Now, I need to preface this with the "I am really happy he is moving on with his life." BUT, I am having a hard time adjusting to all of this. You see the new chick is older than I am, and she has a four year old daughter. She's divorced, but the guy she was married to was not the father of her little girl. She's incredibly sweet and nice, she's mildly cute; however, I think I have a big problem with her because she talks to me like she's "older/wiser" or something. It's annoying. Like at Maddy's party, she kept talking to me about her daughter's party and what it's like as they get older and how she has this fish tank already and blah blah blah. I was bothered. I think I'm bothered by her and the fact that she is older and does have an older child because in my family I am the oldest sibling, the oldest grandchild, etc. and Madeline is the first grandchild/great-grandchild. And with Jerry's family, we're going through everything the same time with Wendy and Jenna. It's just weird for me to hear someone trying to tell me what it's like to be a mom or how it will be as she gets older... I don't know, and I think I have big issues because I really don't trust her, and I barely even know her. I think because of all the shit Tracy put me through it is going to be really hard for me to even attempt to make friends with another girl in his life.

And like I told Jerry last night, as much as I want to move on and forget the Tracy bullshit, it is never ever going to completely go away. Just yesterday afternoon, I had to do a conference call with our new mortgage people and MBNA to confirm the fraudulent shit on my credit report and the fact that the entire account - from application to finally closing the account - was fraudulent. Bah. There are sometimes I just wish I could hunt down that bitch and make her pay, but then it's just like you know what, I don't care anymore. Whatever.

My brother called me last night wanting me to press charges and send her to jail and whatever, but I do not want to put myself or my family through anymore shit because of her. I just can't.

At any rate, it is a little weird for me having this new chick around. I'm not a fan. At least, not yet. I don't know if I ever really will be, but we'll see.

Did I tell you how they met? Yeah, when my brother went to the psycho hospital, she was the nurse from our doctor's office that walked him over to the ER, and then when he went back to the dr. to follow-up about his meds and stuff, she gave him her number. Hmmm... What do you all think about this? Am I just being overly protective and defensive?

Ranting - Bitch Session

So, I'm incredibly crabby today. Crabby because Jerry pissed me off last night with his "master in command" attitude and barking out orders to me. And then he gets all mad because I didn't want to go in the hot tub with him - well, gee, it would be nice to be asked instead of told. Crabby because my blackberry got all screwed up for some reason and I spent an hour this morning on the tech support line and with our IT guy trying to get it fixed. Crabby because Madeline is being really whiney this week, and she's rebelling against the transition to sippy cups only (no more bottles). Crabby because I'm due for my period in two days. Crabby because I have to pack up all of my stamping shit and it's going to take me freaking forever! Crabby because we got totally screwed by a prepayment penalty on our mortgage for the old house. Crabby because I have to bake stupid ass cut out cookies for Jenna's birthday party this weekend. Crabby because I haven't started Maddy's thank you notes from her birthday party yet. Bah. I am just crabby.

My Life is Pure Insanity

So a lot has happened in the course of a couple of weeks...

Most important thing - my brother is officially divorced from the bitch.

Weirdest thing - he's dating a new chick, she's a nurse at our doctor's office. She's got a really outgoing personality, but I think things are moving way TOO FAST.

Best thing - he got a great new job. Selling sports equipment - totally perfect for him.

Other things: I went to D.C. for three days for work and enjoyed a really great conference. Got a few offers on the house, which we are playing against each other now. The new house has flooring (carpet and wood) and it's looking really great. I had two kick-ass stamping events.

TODAY - I got the biggest placement I've ever gotten in my PR career. An article in USA Today. (I'd link to it, but you'd learn too much information about me if I did). The story went everywhere - and I am getting some great kudos here. Feels pretty good.

This Weekend - It's Maddy's first birthday tomorrow!!!!!!! I just want to cry. I cannot believe how fast this year has gone. We are having dinner tomorrow night with just the grandparents, and then the big party on Sunday. I have a million errands to run tonight, and I'm going to try to sneak out of here a little bit early, we'll see. I'll post some pictures next week. Oh yeah, because she's getting her new pictures taken tomorrow afternoon.

I took Monday off, Maddy has a dr. appointment, but I really just wanted to spend the day with her, enjoying her new toys and hanging out.

After this crazy week, I am so ready for relaxation, but with the party and all, that's definitely not happening until Monday! Bah!

Oh well, back to the grind so I can get the hell out of here.

Hardest Thing I've Ever Done...

OK, so for those of you that know me personally, you know that I've always been a bit of an over-achiever. Finishing my B.A. a whole year early, M.A. in just three semesters, the best of the best, always. I've always had this huge fear of being average.

Now, this does not pertain to my appearance in any way. I'm not one of those girls you see and think "Oh my God, I want to be her." I need to lose like 30 pounds, and when I'm not at work I'm sporting jeans and a sweatshirt.

I'm a mildly trendy girl, you know, when it comes to clothes and things, and I do pay attention to the "rules" of common fashion.

However, I have to say that I've noticed something about myself since I've joined the "working mom" club...

I used to really care about what I was wearing, all the time. What shoes I was wearing, the accessories. Everything. I bought a new pair of shoes like every other day, and I was all about my wardrobe.

I was totally focused on myself, aside from Jer, and very career-driven.

Now, Madeline has truly rocked my world. And I know this because of the evidence in my closet... I have not purchased any clothing items for myself in several weeks. The only shoes I've purchased in the last month were a pair to wear to a wedding. My wardrobe is cleanly divided into "work clothes" and "mommy clothes."

When I am not at work, I am wearing one of the three pairs of jeans that fit me and some variety of sweatshirt.

It is March, and I have not even looked at the spring fashions at the stores.

I must say though that the fashion part does not bother me in the least. Whatever. You know, when I'm out and about on the weekends, I get drooled on and milk spilled on and whatever else Maddy flings or spits my way, and I'm happy about it.

However, this work thing and switching to this "working mom" status is by far the hardest thing I've ever done. It wasn't so bad at the old job, because it was really routine and not too demanding, but this new job has really forced me to face the fact that I really can't have everything all the time.

This post is coming from the fact that I will be here today for 12 hours, and I won't get home until my baby is in bed. I'm nauseous at the thought of this. Last night, I only got to play with her for an hour. Tomorrow night, I won't see her at all either. Now, I must say that this is totally not typical, and this week is an exception and I have known this was coming for a while now; however, that does not make it any easier. I will come away from this week with a stronger hold in my career, but with a huge amount of guilt over the lack of time spent with Maddy. I know that I will be struggling with this guilt for many many years to come. That struggle is incredibly hard, and I salute each and every one of us that faces this battle every day.

I know that for me, working is not a choice. We need our income to maintain our comfortable lifestyle... Sure, we could get by on Jer's salary, but I couldn't go shopping or take Maddy everywhere on the weekends. So, that part, I recognize is a choice. However, if we were to go to a one-income household, in reality, it would more likely be Jer that stayed home. I make more money than he does, and my job/career is something we have invested more money and time into than his.

I guess, I'm just venting a little because this week is so stressful, and in two weeks I will have to leave Maddy for two whole nights and three whole days for an out of town busy trip. The guilt couldn't be any further ahead in the fight these days, but I'm trying, and I know in the end Madeline will admire me for my contributions to society and our community, and it will teach her to be a strong woman. I know that I did benefit from having a working mom, and I admire my mom for her sacrifices for our family. Those thoughts are what get me through these days.

Blogging Slacker

I know I've been a slacker lately, but things have been crazier than ever before! With the whole brother's-gone-crazy fiasco, I've been dealing with a lot of things at home, and work was completely horrible last week, and stamping has been insanely busy, and I just can't believe I have this much going on in my life! Wow.

And, as if my family needs more drama....

Saturday night, Jer's cousin that lives with his parents (it's more like his little brother, really) was in a serious car accident. A girl was killed, and another girl was life-flighted and had to have major surgery, and another boy was admitted to the hospital over night with some pretty bad injuries. Jer's cousin and his best friend (the driver) weren't hurt that bad. His friend had only had his license for like a month, and the group of them had gone out for ice cream. They were driving on this curvy back road, and he didn't swurve quite right and was going too fast. He lost control of the car, and it flipped three times. Jer's cousin is pretty beat up from the seatbelt and his neck is hurting pretty bad, but I think he's just so torn up emotionally that he doesn't know what to do or say. Poor kid.

Yeah, and then my brother moved into his own apartment over the weekend. He's living with my recently divorced uncle. It's a bit awkward for him, but he's glad to be out of my parents' hair. He's got two job interviews today. I really hope they go well. He seriously needs to get a job right away.

I think that Christopher is hanging in there, but the more I thought about it, the more I was sympathizing with him. Looking at his stuff while we unpacked over the weekend, it was like every piece of clothing and furniture and everything brought back some memory of her for me, so I can't imagine how it must be for him.

Oh yeah, and I guess she told Christopher's psychologist that she is seeing someone else. Nice. What a bitch ya know. She really ruined my brother's life, and she truly doesn't care.

Anyhow, back to work. I'll post more this week, I promise.