The Anniversary

Taking a look at the calendar I realized that my brother's first wedding anniversary would have been this coming weekend. I'm worried about him and how he will handle this day. A big part of me wants to send her a big "fuck you" card for the occasion, but instead I will suck it up and keep my thoughts to myself. I may have said it before, but my only comfort is knowing she will burn in hell one day.

My brother has taken to dating some nasty chicks lately. Ugh. Seriously, I don't know what he's thinking. He's a pretty good looking guy, but these girls are just nasty and the last two have had kids. Now, not that having kids is a bad thing, but all that baggage is the last thing he needs to deal with after what he's been through! I don't know what to do with him... I wish I knew a decent girl to hook him up with, but I don't. I think the problem is that he has no confidence. He doesn't think he can do better, which scares me, because if you saw these chicks... ugh.

I can't remember if I posted about this story or not, but if I did, I apologize. A couple weeks ago, I stopped by to pick him up to bring him to my house so he could ride with Jer to a softball game (remember he only has work driving privileges due to DUI). I was a few minutes early. I had tried to call him, but he didn't answer his cell. So, I knock on the door and he doesn't answer. I can hear Dexter going crazy, so I just open the door. I stand there for a minute, but he still doesn't come out. I look and see this chick's flip flops on the floor and it dawns on me what I have just walked in on... Oh yeah, nice. My brother was in the bedroom with this skanky chick. A few minutes later they walk out, and she's wearing my brother's clothes. Awkward and awful. And so, I now call this chick (when I'm referencing her to anyone else) the "skanky ho."

So, now do you understand why I need to find him a normal decent girl?

31 days and counting...

So it's day 31 of my cycle, and still no period. Which is a great sign of pregnancy, except when your cycles average 30-32 days. I took a test on Saturday, and it was negative, but when I was pregnant with Maddy, I took two negative pregnancy tests before I finally took a positive one. I think that my hcg levels must elevate slow or something, but no matter what I have decided that I will not take another test until Thursday morning (unless of course I get my period in the next couple of days).

I didn't ovulate until day 19, and everything I've read said a test should be positive around two weeks after ovulation, so that would be Wednesday. So, I'm thinking Thursday morning would be safe.

Anyhow, so I'm hoping/praying that the period never comes...

Oh the Agony!

This waiting is killing me. I think I might be, but then I'm afraid to get my hopes up. There are weird things going on with me, but are they pregnancy symptoms or is it just my imagination?

The earliest I could potentially test positive is tomorrow, but that's pretty early and with Madeline I took two negative tests before I finally took a positive one a few days later. So, now I'm all debating about what to do. I will probably take a test in the morning, simply because the waiting is just too much, but if it's negative, I'll hold off until later next week to test again, unless of course my period comes and ruins it all :)

I just can't handle too much more of this...

Waiting...

Alright, so I ended up ovulating Weds/Thurs. Now, I have to sit back and wait for like 2 weeks! How am I supposed to function - wondering whether I'm pregnant or not?! I don't want to jinx it, but I really think that it worked... Just a weird "I know my body" kinda vibe, and you know since this is the second time around, I have what I felt and went through with Maddy to guide my judgment... Now, if my gut is totally wrong, ok fine. So much for intuition, but I really do feel like we might have gotten lucky. I'll keep you posted.

The weekend was pretty good. Friday we took Maddy up to this horse show near my mom's house, and she freaked out she loved the horses so much. It was cute. On Saturday, we watched Jenna most of the day. She and Maddy had a wonderful time playing together. We took them to the mall and they were really good. It definitely gave us a taste of what it will be like with two kids - and we couldn't be more excited!

I asked Maddy last night if she wanted mommy to have another baby, and I got the whole-body-shaking yes with a big smile. It was so darn cute. Now, it's just waiting to see if we are...

"Baby-Making"

So the "baby-making" is not quite going as planned... You see the ovulation factor is a little off. According to every calculator I can find on the internet and the chart in the ovulation kit box, I should've ovulated sometime between Thursday and yesterday. Well, no such luck. At least according to my temperature monitoring and the predictor tests. I think, if I'm reading the test right, that today is the day. So, we'll try tonight and see what happens.

I don't know. Of course for years and years and even recent months the cycle was pretty much like clockwork. The last two months though have been really long cycles, so who knows what's going on and why I'm ovulating so late. Bah. So damn annoying.

Jerry and I had this really hilarious conversation about this whole process the other night, but it all came after a big fight.

I was extremely pissed at him on Sunday because he decided that on Sunday he was going to have his whole family weigh-in on their thoughts about us having another baby. He proceeded to tell them that it was the "time" for us and embarass the shit out of me. So, then we had everyone offering to keep Maddy and all this BS. I was so mad.

Anyhow, the gist of it all was that he's excited about this "project" and he really does want to have another baby. You see, when we got home Sunday, I told him to forget the whole thing because I didn't want to push the issue with him. He said there are three things I should know, 1. He really does want another baby. 2. He's not going to fight it because he knows I'll just pout until I get my way, which I always do. 3. All he really wants is for me to be happy, and if I think it's the right time and it's what I want, then he's on board.

Ahhh.... So, if I could just get my cycle on track and really ovulate and make a baby, I'd be in heaven!

Counting Down the Minutes

So, this week I'm becoming obsessed with the baby planning situation because my most fertile days are slated for Thursday - Tuesday. I have started tracking my temp., and will start the ovulation tests tomorrow morning. I am counting down the minutes to ovulation, because I am so excited to officially start "trying."

When we were trying to have Maddy I kept a journal from the month before conception through birth, and have started doing the same this time.

Jerry of course knows none of this, and I plan to keep it that way. He wants no part of the obsessive planner Mandy that emerges when there is a goal at hand...

Please note - I will not become hysterically upset if this does not happen right away. I would be happy with a baby due date anytime in the spring/early summer, so anytime in the next few months would be great. Now, that is not to say that I wouldn't be completely ecstatic if it happens right away, but there is no need to fret if it takes a little longer than it did with Maddy.

The last time I was all freaked out about how old Maddy would be before we had to leave her with Jer's mom, and how that whole scenario would play out, but now that I know how things are and will be, I'm much more comfortable on the whole topic. She's been really great about playing by my rules and respecting my place as "mom."

Now, I'd like to kill Jerry's grandma sometimes, because she drives me up the fucking wall - no joke. Whenever a baby is upset, she thinks they need to eat. She's constantly telling me what "Maddy wants," yogurt, some more fruit, milk, cheesy potatoes. It's crazy. She thinks because she sees them a few times a week she knows them better than SIL or I do, which is nuts. We just do our best to tune her out...

So this weekend is prime conception time, and of course, it's another busy weekend. Friday night we have some friends coming over, and Saturday we are going to Columbus to visit my friend and her twin girls.

Action-Packed Weekend

TGIF! This week has just dragged on and on... Anyhow, despite the slow week I know that the weekend is going to fly by! Tonight I am going to see the Wicked musical. We've got dress circle seats (the best you can get) and I'm super excited about it! Jer is NOT going. I wouldn't dream of wasting something like that on him - he has no appreciation for the arts. My mom, grandma, cousin and my Uncle Mark are going with me. We're going out to dinner first and then to the show. Tomorrow Jer and I are going to a wedding - stamping customer of mine and co-worker of Jerry. Probably going to be pretty upity-up wedding. We'll see. Sunday not much going on, but I might make my mom go see The Devil Wears Prada with me. I really want to see it; however, I also want to spend some time with Maddy because I'm not going to see her very much the rest of the weekend. Might have to postpone the movie until next week.

Oh well, I'm heading off to eat lunch. Have a great weekend!

Damn Crabby

Today I am damn crabby. I don't really know why, but I do know the things that I want to bitch about that are bothering me because I'm crabby...

The tone of voice my husband has taken to using with me lately. Can't stand it. He needs to stop - I am not one of his students and I am not his servant and I am not going to tolerate this shitty demanding tone anymore! Bah!

I want to be pregnant again. Really bad. Every freakin' bone in my body is screaming at me that we're ready. Now, I need this never-ending period to GO AWAY. Day 5 and there is no end in site. Bah! I want to be ovulating already. I've got this little ovulation predictor kits all ready and waiting to go. The days aren't going fast enough, and I know I'm going to freak out if it doesn't happen right away. And spare me the speech about this - I know the drill. I just don't have any patience - never have and probably never will. August would actually be a better month to get pregnant, but I want another baby NOW. (Flashes of that song in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with that lunatic girl and her dad and the golden egg thing - yeah, I'm feeling a little like that today).

I'm not going to get to see Madeline after tonight until Sunday! Bah! Tomorrow night is her grandma night with my mom, and then Friday night Jer will have her while I go see Wicked, and then Saturday night my mom is keeping her again because we have a wedding to go to. This makes me sad, because she is so darn fun and adorable and sweet.
SIDE STORY: Saturday night we were hanging out at my mom's and then Maddy went to sleep in the pack and play, and I stayed a lot longer. I was just going to leave her there, but I couldn't do it. My heart wouldn't let me. I wanted to make her breakfast in the morning and take her morning nap with her, so I woke her up and loaded her up and took her home. Gotta love those mommy instincts!

Oh well, I better get my crabby self back to work! Hope you have a better day than I'm having!