Merry Christmas

Today is my last day of work until Tuesday, so I wanted to make to wish you all a Merry Christmas. We have a heavy schedule of activity kicking off tomorrow and running through Monday. I'm actually kind-of annoyed that we have to run around so much, but I know it will all be worth it in the end... My presants are wrapped, my cookies are baked and I'm all set for Maddy's first Christmas, I think. I'm really ready to be done at work too. I doubt that I get very much accomplished today. Nobody's really here either, which makes it even harder. I might try to sneak out a little early. But seriously, is it really sneaking if there is nobody here to catch you? Hmmm...

I'm really annoyed today though because I forgot my cell phone at home. It's only 8:30 and it is driving me insane. I used to never really care too much about having a cell phone, let alone using one, but ever since I've started this new job, my phone has become like another right hand. I asked for that BlueTooth thing for Christmas, because I spend much of my hour-long commute home on the phone.

OK. I just got off the phone with my boss, and I've gotta run. It is going to be a CRAZY day. Big news stories to get out.

At any rate, Happy Holidays to all of you and your families!

Memoirs of a Geisha

Books are dangerous for me. Once I start reading one I just can't stop until I'm finished. This used to not be such a big deal - Jerry would get a little annoyed with me, but that was ok. Now, with Maddy, it drives me nuts because I just don't have the time to read as much as I'd like (hell, I don't have time to a lot of things I'd like to), but this all brings me to the events of the last few nights...

Last week while Jer and I were at the mall, I bought Memoirs of a Geisha. I started reading it over the weekend. Now, I have to preface this with the fact that I am a very fast reader, and used to read an entire book in just one night. Well, I started reading this one on Saturday, and I just finished it last night. I was determined to finish this book. I loved it all, and poured over the beautiful descriptions of the kimonos and the amazing sisterhood of the geishas. It was truly a great book, and I really cannot wait to see the movie. But anyhow, back to being a mommy and trying to read... You see, I was obsessed with this book, so I would tell Jerry to watch Maddy because I had to go to the bathroom, and I would sneak the book in there just to read a few chapters. Then, I would read while I was feeding Maddy a bottle or folding the laundry or while the baby was sitting the pack-n-play. Every second I could sneak in some reading, I did. And, I finished the book. However, I have to ask... is this crazy? I stayed up late every night reading for a couple of hours after Madeline went to sleep, to the point where Jer was ready to sleep and I still had the lights on... this is highly unusual, as I usually get mad that he's still up watching TV when I'm ready to sleep.

You know, my thought on it is this... Reading is something I do for me, and I haven't had time to read a book since Madeline was born. I don't think cramming in one book from time to time is so bad?

TIME OUT FROM BOOK POST: My husband just called me... I have to vent. You see he is home from now until after New Year's, so he has Maddy with him. Now, I told him a few days ago that I really needed to do Maddy's laundry or she wouldn't have clothes for him to put on her... Well, I haven't had time to get to it because I was busy doing the piles and piles of laundry of ours that we had been hoarding all over the house. (Plus, you know I was busy with the book). So, there really isn't much in Maddy's closet right now that will fit her... so, he called to bitch to me and ask where clothes were that he could put on her... And then he proceeds to ask why there are all these clothes still in the closet and her drawers that are too small.... Now, I told him weeks ago that was a project I really needed to tackle; however, with the holidays I was just too busy and that I would work on after the craziness subsided. He goes on to tell me how easy it was to do and how he couldn't believe she had all these clothes, blah, blah, blah... I am so fuming mad at him right now. Who the hell does he think he is???? He has never in Madeline's 9 months of life done a load of her laundry or put it away or packed her bag of clothes for the week or kept up with the constant need for new clothes in bigger sizes... Now, he's complaining about her closet. Oh my gosh. I am going to kill him. So, I told him that her laundry really needed to be done... His response, "I'll keep looking and find something to put her in until you get home." Asshole.

Yes, for those of you that think I'm insane about mentioning the other day about having another one.... Yes, I am. I need to kick Jer's ass into gear if that's even going to be discussed any time soon! Ugh.

OH, and here's another good one for ya... He's off for like 2 weeks, right? Do you think he would get up with her last night when she woke up at 2 a.m.?? OH no. Mommy was up for like 45 minutes with her, while he snored away. Do you think he helped me put her to bed when she was screaming bloody murder because she's teething so bad, even when I yelled down and asked him to come help me? OH no. He was snoring on the couch, curled up with a blanket while I gave her a bath, fed her, changed her, and spent an hour trying to get her to sleep. OH, and for the record, I actually cooked a meal for dinner last night too while his ass sat on the couch!!!!!! Bah. The dishes will still be in the sink when I get home, I'm sure.

Santa

I cannot believe Christmas is this weekend! Madeline will be 9 months old on Christmas day. Wow. Where does the time go?

At any rate, this year is the first time I have to play the role of Santa. I know Maddy is too young to really understand any of this stuff, but I still feel like I need to start off on the right foot and I know in my heart that she will at least understand that Christmas is a really special time in our family. So, I bought her entirely too much stuff - toys and clothes and books, oh my! I cannot wait to put it all and set stuff up for her to see on Christmas morning, but here's the catch... I really want my husband to put together this ride-on thing we bought her and have it sitting out and make it all look really magical for her, but I know my husband is going to think I'm a wack-job since Maddy will really have no clue what's going on...

I would love your feedback on what you've done for your child's first Christmas or what you think about the whole thing...

Proud Mama Wants Another One

I have to update you all on some things my precious Maddy is doing these days:
Claps her hands
Opens her mouth and "gives kisses"
Says: Mama, Dada, Hi
Waves her entire arm whenever she hears the word "bye"
Frantically "flaps" her arms up and down when she's excited about something
Crawls like she's in a speed race
Stands up on everything
Can drink out of a straw, and absolutely loves doing it
Wants to eat "real" food and throws a hissie if you don't have something you can share
Is teething fiercely - her top incisors are coming in now
She tries to whisper - this is my personal favorite and is soooo cute!

I am telling you that girl is the absolute greatest little thing on the face of the planet!! My parents kept her overnight on Saturday, so that Jer and I could go to his friend's Christmas party. And we both really missed her. At the party, Jer was so cute showing everyone pictures of her and talking about her. On our entire drive out to my mom's to pick her up, we couldn't stop gushing to each other about our little princess. As soon as she heard us come in, those arms started flapping and she raced on her hands and knees to come and get us. Soooo cute.

She's such a wonderful baby, and I am totally getting the itch to have another one. Oh my. It's the same feeling I had when I knew I wanted to have her... Jerry is trying to fend me off with a stick, no more or less he keeps reminding me of the realities that make another one not such a good idea for at least a few more months. We'll probably start trying again later this summer. That way they will be about 2 years apart. I really want a boy, but Jer would prefer another girl. Weird, hah?

Anyhow, I will have to post another time about the party we went to on Saturday. THat was absolutely the craziest party I've been to as an adult out of college. I'm not even kidding - people got naked and all these chicks were flashing everyone. It was insane. The worst part, the majority of the guests were teachers!

Yesterday was a really great day. Jerry was in a really great mood, and it totally showed. We had a nice morning together before picking up the baby, and we ended up staying at my mom's all day and baking cookies. It's hard to explain why that was so great, but really it was just nice to have Jer make me feel so good about everything without even trying. Plus, last week he sent a really nice email to my mom thanking her for watching Maddy for us a lot, and asking her to help him shop for me... Too cute. This weekend was so nice, and I am truly blessed to have such a beautiful daughter and great husband, now I just want to add to our little family :)

Hubby's Misconceptions

I am utterly exhausted today, and my back is killing me. The stress of being a working mom is really taking a toll on me with everything we need to get done to the house and for Christmas. Ugh. Last night, I got home from work and cleaned the upstairs of the house, made blueberry muffins for my whining husband who has been asking me to make them for weeks, gave Maddy a bath, played with her for a while, and spent 45 minutes getting her to bed. Oh, and in the middle of that, took out all the trash, had a stamping customer stop by to pick up her order, and went through all the mail from the past few days to see what things needed to be handled.

Now, do you know what my husband did last night? He hung out at his mom's house after work, so that he could time getting home at the same time as me (thus, not having to watch Maddy by himself). I get home and she's in the Pack n' Play, and he's on the couch watching TV. He leaves her with me and runs out to pick up some Quizno's for dinner. Comes back and takes a nap with Maddy while I clean - they are both snoring away in the recliner while I make the damn muffins. He watches TV while I give her a bath and then heads out to the hot tub while I put her to bed.

Now, I realize there are a few good things about what he did last night - he handled dinner and he kept her occupied while I cleaned upstairs; however, I have to remind you all that my day starts when I leave the house at 6 a.m. and I get home from work at 5:30 p.m. I make about 35% more $ than my husband. I have an hour commute each way. Our arrangement is that he is supposed to make dinner and do the dishes every night, and I honestly couldn't tell you the last time he cooked a meal. Dishes will sit for a long time before he does them, but the last few times I've ended up doing those too on the weekend.

Every time I've gone Christmas shopping, I've had Madeline with me. Every time I have a stamping function, I have Madeline with me. Jerry doesn't change diapers at home like ever.

You know what he tells me all the time, and this is exactly what he said when I asked him if he would put her to bed last night, "No way - I have her every morning."

Every morning, he does have to get her out the door. But, I leave at 6, and he leaves at 7:15. He takes her to his mom's in pajamas, because at the beginning of each week, after I do all of her laundry, I pack a bag of clothes for her and send it over there. So, really he has one hour to entertain her and put her in the snowsuit and snap her into the car seat. Yet, when I get home she's basically attached to me until she goes to bed 4 hours later.

Blah. I know I'm being petty. And I know Jerry thinks he's doing a lot, but I have to tell you that I am in desperate need of some alone time. I just want some time to do something without the baby and without Jerry asking every 2 seconds if I'm done yet or when I'm going to be home. Bah.

He doesn't get it. I am really feeling stressed out.

Happy Monday Morning!

Good morning everyone. How was your weekend? Mine was action-packed as always. Friday night we had Jer's work Christmas party. It was at another teacher's house, and oh my gosh was this house amazing! Her husband is in medical sales, and you could definitely tell he'd makes some big bucks, but I will also tell you that our new house doesn't pale in comparison... I think we may one day be having this party at our house! Saturday morning we had family pictures taken with Jerry's sister and their baby and a few of his cousins. Crazy. The pictures are great though, and we took our first official family portrait of the three of us. I just love it so much. Maybe I'll post it soon. Then, after pictures, Maddy and I went shopping with my dad all day for my mom's gifts while Jerry helped his sister move. Maddy and I spent the night at my mom's, and then yesterday morning dad and I got up and ran out to one more store to finish up, and then I had to drive my brother to go pick up his car, and then we finally got home around 2 p.m. Only to turn around a couple hours later to go to Jerry's parents for dinner. We got home at 8 p.m. last night. I gave Maddy a bath, put her to bed, and went right to bed myself!! Insanity. I am so tired this morning. Wow.

While out shopping over the last week, I've begun to notice that my daughter is an incredibly well-behaved child. Since Thanksgiving, Madeline has accompanied me on three all-day shopping marathons - in and out of the car, eating in the food courts, the whole deal, and she has just been excellent. She loves to see all the people and look at the decorations in the mall, and she generally just likes all the action going on around her. Occasionally she'll get fussy, but it's usually because she needs her diaper changed or needs to eat a bottle. Moms have it rough this time of year, and after these marathon days, I am becoming much more grateful that I have a "good baby." It is so hard to maneuver the stroller in the stores, and trying to focus on shopping while remembering to feed and change the baby, while entertaining her and trying to pay for things and packing the stroller totally filled with gifts. It is just amazing, and it is such a different endeavor than when you don't have children, and you just have to think about the shopping task at hand. But you know, even though it is a ton of work and she makes shopping a truly exhausting experience, I wouldn't change one thing. I am so happy to have her with me when I'm out and about and she babbles and smiles at everyone. She totally deserves the way too many presents her mommy has bought her!! :)

Have a great day!

The illness from hell

Today is the first day I've been to work this week. You see over the weekend I came down with the illness from hell, otherwise known as strep throat. Saturday morning my throat was a little scratchy. Saturday afternoon I was achy and tired. Saturday night I sat in the hot tub hoping my aching neck and back would feel better. Sunday, my throat felt like someone had installed spike strips for my saliva to pass through - seriously it hurt so bad to swallow, I couldn't bare it and spit in the sink a lot. Sunday night I woke up sweating from a fever. Now, remember that I now work in a hospital. So, coming to work was not an option, and I knew I really needed to go the doctor. So I did, and I now I'm taking penicillin for 10 days. Was still contageous and still felt like crap yesterday. Today, I feel a little bit better. My throat has, for the most part, retracted the spike strips and is allowing me to swallow with minimal irritation. Now, I just have to get back into the swing of work... Bah.

The last time I had strep throat, I was in college. It was right after I moved into the dorm my sophomore year. I ended up missing my first three days of class that year because I had to wait for the dr. to show up on campus to give me drugs. I was so sick. I remember just laying on the floor and crying. I also threw up a few times then. Thank God that didn't happen this time around - I did feel nauseous off and on, and this lovely penicillin has turned all of my bodily waste a nice bright orange color though. Anyhow, I remember this because it was the first year that I lived with my now very best friend. What a great impression I made as a roommate - totally sick and puking the first days. Plus, being sick made me get really homesick and then I missed Jer a whole bunch and was having this total breakdown and debating about transferring schools. I was a mess. Once I got through the illness from hell, I realized I didn't want to transfer schools and that to help me get through it all I would just graduate a whole year early.

You see, I get sick when I get really stressed out or have some big decisions going on. Hmmm.... Now if you've been reading this blog for any amount of time you can understand why the illness from hell was bound to strike again.

The truly great news is that the dr. told me that children under the age of 2 very very rarely get strep throat - so Madeline should be safe. I was really freaking out about that. Jerry, on the other hand, is not so safe, and I truly expect him to come down with it very soon.

Well, I probably won't post again until Friday. Gotta get caught up today, and yeah, as bad as this sounds, I'm out of the office again tomorrow. I took this vacation day a long time ago, because I have a follow-up appt. with my ob/gyn and then will be hooking up with my mom, my cousin and my aunt to go shopping. (They all took tomorrow off too). Should be fun. I need a little pick me up and some "me" time. Madeline will still be going to MIL's house. I've had her with me while I was home sick, and she's been great. She's so much fun, but the break sounds really nice.

Scrapbooking & Stamping

It's been quite the busy week. Work is crazy - 10 hour days, coming in at 6:30 a.m.! Insane. We took Madeline to see Santa on Wednesday - that was the funnest part of the week. Tonight, I have MAJOR stamping to do. My club's Christmas meeting is tomorrow, and I have a lot of things to get ready for it. Of course I haven't started at all. My mom is coming over tonight to stamp as well, and help me get ready for tomorrow.

I am finding it harder and harder to really focus on stamping because I want to spend all of my available crafting time SCRAPBOOKING. I never thought that I would really get into scrapbooking. Stamping was such a passion, but then I started Maddy's scrapbook and it has become a new obsession. I have so many pictures and page ideas, and not enough time to do it! I might have to become one of those women that I used to think were crazy, staying up until all hours of the night working on pages. I really want to scrap her Halloween pictures, and some really great pictures of her and Jerry. I also want to go back and do some more pages of her earlier pictures. I think after the holidays, I am going to have to ask Jerry to let me have some real time to devote to it.

Ugh. So much to do. I need to put up my Christmas tree too. Maybe Sunday. I am only putting up one this year (I usually do two). I am only going to put the one up in the basement because Madeline is just too quick and too smart to have one upstairs. I know she would try to pull herself up on it, and it would probably come crashing down around her! No thanks. My tree in the basement with all of my collector's Disney ornaments will do just fine. We're finally get the house listed with the realtor too, so I need to spend some time cleaning and packing up some "clutter" too. When the hell I am supposed to do all this I have no idea! I am also supposed to go shopping with my dad for my mom's Christmas gifts. This is an annual tradition. Hmmm... that's a good topic for a future post. Holiday traditions. Next week. I actually need to go do some work now.

Sad Update

Sorry for the week of non-posts. I came in to work last Tuesday and got a phone call early in the a.m. from my mom... my grandpa passed away. Remember back in Sept. when my grandma died? Well her husband just didn't want to live without her and passed away 2 months and 12 days later. It was really sad. I guess my dad and all of his siblings were called to the hospital and then they took him off the ventilator and they were all in the room as he took his last breaths. It was hard with the holiday thrown in there, but the viewing was Wednesday and the funeral was Friday.

I have to tell you that the funeral was pretty interesting... You see my grandpa was a real "old" style southern Baptist man. He would drive out into the boonies to go to church every Sunday evening by himself. He loved going and he went every week until he was too sick to drive himself anymore.

I didn't know too much about his church except for what my dad had told me, which was that he was forced to go as a child and was terrified of it. Now, I tell you this story not to pass judgment on anyone's religious beliefs or practices, but just to share my experience and what my family experienced on Friday. This is simply a narrative of the funeral told me from a non "old regular Baptist" point of view....

At any rate, after spending time at the hospital on Tuesday and then with his siblings, he came over to my house to take a nap and visit Maddy. He starts telling me that it is my grandpa's church's custom to have a 3 day and 3 night around the clock prayer/preaching vigil with the body... typically in the home. He said that the family vetoed that idea. None of them were up for that, plus with Thanksgiving in the mix it just really wasn't what the family wanted to do. Their compromise was to have grandpa's preacher and church "folk" do the service at the funeral home on Friday. And wow did they ever do the service.

We sat in the funeral home listening to them for more than 2 hours. It started with this really loud chanting/singing of these hymns that were really intense and to me, a bit harsh and scary about death and the soul. Anyhow, they were really really loud.

Now, I must add a disclaimer here and tell you that this is really hard to put into words... the intensity of these people and the reactions of the various family members...

Three preachers talked for about a half hour each, and there was another half hour of nothing but this loud chanting/singing.

I should preface this with the fact that the funeral home was packed with people. No one else in my family is this old-school Baptist. Many of us are Baptists, but we belong to more modern congregations and have never been exposed to this type of service.

So, when these preachers "talked" it wasn't really talking. It was more like this weird singing type of preaching, and they would get really into it and get louder and louder and they would be gasping for air between words. It was so bizarre to me. Every couple of minutes they would walk around and hug all the brothers and my aunt, and then shake hands with all the spouses. I think my dad was hugged by these men like 30 times throughout the service. Then, when they would pray, they would all literally get down on the ground and like lay down. This is fine, but when you're not expecting it and all of a sudden this group of men just starts laying on the ground, people all just look around and kind of freak out a little bit.

Now, I think the 2 hour service would have been tolerable had they spent the time reminiscing and sharing stories about my grandpa. But I think the only thing they said about him was "He was a quiet man who loved the church." The rest of that two hours was spent telling everyone that if they were not born again they were going to hell and they would never see my grandpa again. I heard about the fires of hell and damnation and how you need to have the love of Jesus in your heart and you need to be "borned again" or you would not be saved.

This is fine to an extent, because the majority of my family believes this as well - you need to accept Jesus into your life and believe in Him to go to Heaven. However, we did not need to hear it a hundred times in the course of an hour. And we did not need to be threatened like that in a time of grief. It was just so bizarre and so long...

At one point, I seriously think half of the people there were out in the lobby or outside.

By the time they wrapped it up, everyone was aggrevated and annoyed and really freaked out. Nice way to say goodbye to a "quiet man."

They told them they could not do this at the cemetary, that they had to keep it short. So, we get to the cemetary and it's snowing and it's freezing cold and they sing and pray again. They did keep it short, but they did lay down in the snow to pray. I'll give them some credit, the song they sang there was nice, and I will remember it always, "Gone away with a Friend." I know that's what my grandpa did. He's with Jesus and my grandma now, and he's not sick or suffering anymore. I'm just really sad for my Dad. To lose both parents within a couple months of each other.

At any rate... it's strange to say goodbye to an entire set of grandparents and almost end a chapter in my life. It will be the weirdest at Christmas. My grandma's birthday was Christmas Eve.

So, here's to all the wonderful memories of my grandma, Evedith, and my grandpa, Pierce. They were married for 63 years. They had 9 nine children together. 24 grandchildren and 29 great-grandchildren. I think their deaths being so close together is just a testament to how much they relied on each other and loved each other. God bless them and keep them. I will remember them always.

Plans for the Week

This week is going to be another busy one! I've got a meeting tonight with my stampin' downline. I've got the "Mystery Hostess" stampin' party tomorrow night. Wednesday night we are taking Maddy to see Santa and getting her ears pierced, my parents are coming with us and spending the night. Thursday is Thanksgiving. Friday we have to go sign more papers for the house. Saturday is the big family shopping day! Crazy.

I am already tired just thinking about all of this! Not to mention today is a crazy day at work - lots going on.

Oh well, gotta go start cranking out some work.

TGIF

Wow. I am so glad it's Friday - the weekend means more time with Maddy. The end of my fourth week of work here. The time is flying by. Madeline is 8 months old next week. That's just plain crazy. Granted she is crawling all over and standing herself up on anything she can, and she says "Mama," "Dada," and "Hi." She has two teeth now, and two more are coming in. She is amazingly smart and eats like a little piggy. She is doing so well, and I feel so blessed because she is such a wonderful little girl. It's so amazing to me because I never knew you could love someone so much. I mean you hear that all the time from parents, about the unconditional love and it's something you've never felt before. But it is the total truth. Just thinking about her now, I am picturing her in my arms passed out after finishing her bottle and I just feel my whole body tense up because I just want to squeeze her.

I took her over to visit my grandparents for a little bit last night. She gets such a kick out of them - she laughs at everything they do and just makes their hearts melt.

I will tell you though that the person that I am most-awed by is my dad. He just adores Maddy. Everytime he sees her, he's gotta hold her forever and just play with her. She is not allowed to cry at his house - he strictly informed me. He carries out to the car everytime we visit, and then he proceeds to buckle her in and sit in the seat next to her while he tells her goodbye and kisses her and makes sure she's got her pacifier and blanket. It's just too precious. It makes me realize, what I've known all along, what a truly great dad he was to me and what an amazing grandpa he is.

I've been thinking a lot about family lately, and the way the people you're surrounded by growing up really mold and shape the person you become as an adult. You know I grew up in a very weird situation - with incredibly young teenage parents who actually stayed married. My mom was 20 years old when I went to kindergarten. My parents worked so hard to provide for us, and I truly never felt like we were missing out on anything. In retrospect I know that a lot of that was due to the support and spoiling done by my extended family, especially my grandparents. I had that "cool aunt" and the uncle with lots of money to spend on you. I had the grandma that took me everywhere with her and taught me all about shopping and junk food. I had such a wonderful exposure to the other members in my family that I really really want that for Madeline. I know what those times mean to not only Maddy, but to my family as well.

Jerry's family is very different about stuff like that. I don't think they ever really had "cool" people in their family. They were very traditional and I think it had a lot to do with the fact that they were all much older when he was growing up. They didn't spend too much time at the mall, if you know what I mean?

I think all of this is going to help make Madeline such a well-rounded person because she is already exposed to such a variety of people in our families. My mom is that "spoil me rotten" grandma, and my dad is that extra loving giant teddy bear grandpa. Jerry's mom is the grandma that will teach her how to bake things and sew things and all those traditional "grandma" things. Jerry's dad is the grandpa that will teach her silly songs and tell her funny jokes, and always have some special candy in his pocket. My brother will be that "cool" uncle that likes to take her "bumming." Jerry's sister is that aunt lets her come spend the night with Jenna and have crazy pillow fights and make ice cream sundaes. I'm almost in tears now as I think about all of the incredible people that surround not only my daughter, but myself as well.

Why this sappy post?? I think all of this stuff going on with my brother is really making me understand how different people in the same family can really be, and how that is not necessarily a bad thing. My brother is dealing with this situation in a completely different way than I would, but when you listen to him talk about it, it all starts to make sense. The way my brother interacted with my family was so different from me, and the way my parents treated him was so different from me that his perspective of the world is shaped completely different than mine. This scares me a little, because it shows just how powerful your parenting decisions really are, and it shows how significant the way you are raised and treated as a child are in shaping your adulthood.

Unusual Cell Phone Use?

So, I was struggling with what to post about today that wouldn't just be another gripe about PIL and money.... That is until my last trip to the restroom down the hall. So, the bathroom has two enclosed stalls - totally closed off little rooms with their own lights and everything. So, imagine my surprise when I walk in and hear someone talking inside one of the stalls. OK. Yeah. She was talking on her cell phone while going to the bathroom at work!!! How weird is that? It was so odd because she was behind this closed door talking on the cell phone and you know what she was doing while she's carrying on this conversation! Crazy.

Mortgages, stamping and 401(k)

I have entirely way too much shit going on right now! We met Sunday with UD, the realtor, and signed all the paperwork to list our house. Then on Monday we met with mortgage guy for the new house. On Thursday, I have to meet with these other finance people to roll over my 401(k) from my old job. Blah. Too much financial crap in one week for me!

This mortgage stuff is so confusing to me, but Jerry seems to understand it all so well. He has really done a lot of homework. We are going to be doing an 80/20 loan with the new house. I'm starting to know what that means. But can I just tell you that what that stupid bitch did to my credit is still causing me headaches because the credit reporting agencies have 45 days from the time the fraud is reported to clear it from your report. Well, 2 of the 3 companies have taken it off, but until the third one does it shows up. Do you know how much of an impact this would/could have on my new monthly house payment?? With the $8,000 debt on there, my credit score is 674. Without that on there it will be in the 700's. This causes a difference EVERY MONTH of $165 in our payment!!!! She is sooooooooooo damn lucky that we found out about this prior to meeting with the mortgage people and reviewing our credit with them.

When we met the mortgage guy on Monday, we also picked out the colors of everything in the new house. I'm so excited!! We will have hardwood floors throughout the first floor (foyer, kitchen, morning room, dining room, powder room) and upgraded California shag carpet throughout the rest of the house. We picked out a linoleum floor for the upstairs bathrooms, and countertops for the kitchen. We upgraded to maple cabinets, and since we did 9' ceilings throughout, the cabinets make even more of a statement. We will have his and her's walk-in closets in the master, a corner garden tub in the master bath, oh and ya know I could go on and on, but let me just tell you this... this house is amazing, and I really couldn't be happier with our choices. Jerry's dad came to see it on Monday as well. Jer's mom asked him to describe it to her in one word, he said, "extravagent." :)

I have my stamp club meeting tonight. Should be good. I've got some cute new projects planned. Next week I'm having a "mystery hostess" party on Tuesday, and I've invited a lot of people outside of the club - trying to get some new blood and get some other people interested in stamping. It is so much fun, and I think for a lot of people it is relaxing and a nice form of creative therapy. Now, granted, I know most people won't become as obsessed with it as I have, but hopefully I can get some new faces interested in learning more. I'd really love to start another club. Maybe after we move - I'll try to recruit new neighbors and maybe some new co-workers? We'll see.

Anyhow, hope you all have a good day!

Hoo-Ha Butt-Kissing Lunch

I know you know what I'm talking about... I have to go to this lunch today. It's a fundraiser at this fancy restaurant, and includes champagne and a fashion show. Yeah. You get the drift. I have to meet some VIP's and host a few media contacts. Should actually be a really good thing for me, however...

1. I am extremely picky eater and never usually like those fancy foods, but I'll have to pretend to eat because it's formal and fancy and I can't look like a total freak at the table.
2. It's with all these ritzy ladies, and I'm wearing a suit I bought at Target :) No doubt it's a cute suit, but still you know what I mean...
3. I am super annoyed because I don't have my biz cards yet, and this would be a really great time to have them.
4. My boss, whom I haven't really talked to except for lunch on my first day, will also be there and I'm kinda paranoid about that.


Aside from those 4 things, it should be good. Plus, I think I'm just going to head home afterwards. The fashion show isn't scheduled to start until 1:30, and probably won't end until 2:30, and the place is about 25 minutes away. I typically leave at 4 p.m. anyhow, so I'm going to go straight home.

I have to come up with some plans for tomorrow. Jerry is going to be with the guys all day and night - some football hoopla stuff. I can't go shopping because the credit card bill came yesterday and I kinda got in a bit of trouble for all the shopping I've done recently. And, with all this mortgage stuff going on I shouldn't add to the balance really. We'll pay it off, no doubt, but still... So, I'm not sure what I'm going to do all day. I should really clean the house, but what fun is that? ? I thought about going out to my mom's, but I don't know. I know we'll end up shopping and that would be bad. I really want to work on Maddy's scrapbook, but that is damn near impossible when I have to keep my eyes on her every second now... Hmmm.... What to do with this free time?

Blah

Today just sucks. I have the period from hell. Granted, I am relieved to have it because it came a whole week late (thank you stress - new job, new house, PIL disaster), but still I am having cramps so bad it feels like I'm being stabbed with a dull knife continuously. Ugh.

On a happy note - we signed papers for the new house last night and we will be meeting with the mortgage guy on Monday. That's exciting. Now, we just have to sell our house and we'll be all set.

On another blah note - Madeline has a cold. She woke up all stuffy and with a runny nose. Poor thing. I hate leaving her when she's not feeling well... It makes me feel totally guilty.

I have a ton of writing to do here at work, so I really better go. Sorry for this boring post, but like I said, I just feel blah.

MIL Pisses Me Off AGAIN

Last night we went out to dinner for Jerry's cousin's Confirmation. OK, so the reservation seriously was not until 8:45 p.m. Madeline's bedtime is typically 8. Nice. Anyhow, this is a dinner with like 14 family members. So, let me also preface this with the fact that we did not attend the church service because it was too hard/crazy to get there after work for me. So, we get to the restaurant before everyone else gets there from church. I changed Maddy's diaper, and we fed her some food while we waited for them. Now, let me also preface this story with the fact that MIL had Madeline in her care for the entire day yesterday. I, on the otherhand, got my first contact with my daughter at 6 p.m. So, they all get there and we order and everything. I'm holding Madeline while she babbles away and checks everyone out - smiling the whole time. MIL starts talking to Maddy and says "come over here and let me see you." I ignored her. Then, she gets up and tries to take her from me and I kinda let her know that I really didn't want to give her up. She says, "just for a few minutes." I said, "You had her all day." She still took her and starts talking to her, "are you hungry? do you need a diaper?" Aaaaaahhhhh!!!! I was so mad. I sad to her, "I just fed her an entire jar of food and changed her diaper literally seconds before you got here." She says, "oh, ok. Just checking." Just checking? What the hell is that?????? Just checking. Like I am a complete idiot of a mother.... Whatever.

This was all after she got into with Jerry and told him he was an asshole. As soon as we got in the car to go home we both started bitching about her... If only she wasn't providing the best childcare option in the whole wide world for us!!! :)

No, seriously. Please know that I do totally appreciate and love what she does for Madeline, but it just really upsets me when she questions my parenting abilities or insults the care that I provide for my daughter. If you knew this woman, you would know why it is so easily done. She is THE QUEEN of sarcastic digs and doesn't care if she offends me - you know she gave me the best thing I ever got - her baby. She has this weird mentality about things, and don't think this is just me being judgmental - she actually says these crazy things out loud.

At any rate, dinner was not pleasant and it was a really late night for all of us.

Oh yeah, here's another thing I'm sure you mom's out there will appreciate... So dinner wasn't until 9 p.m. So, I took Maddy there in her pajamas, knowing she would eventually pass out. SIL brings Jenna (granted she did go to church) but she was wearing this black and white and velvety dress with matching tights and cute little hat. SIL, BIL and Jenna actually took their "Christmas card" picture at the restaurant. Jerry and I were wearing jeans and sweatshirts and Maddy's in feety pajamas. Nice. But, I should also note this was seriously just a pizza joint, not a fancy restaurant. I'm not a total slob :)

Gyno Dilemma

I am supposed to go for a PAP test this month because it has been 6 months since my 6 week postpartum check-up. I haven't made the appointment yet, because I'm not sure what to do... You see now that I do PR for a hospital, more importantly a women's hospital, I am feeling like for the next baby I should deliver here. However, my doc is not affiliated with this hospital. So, do I switch docs and find one here - thus, making it easier for appointments and such during work hours - or stick with the doc I really like and that delivered my precious Madeline? Any advice would be appreciated.

Funny at Work

So, as you know last week I started working in a hospital. So, I'm learning a whole new culture and everything, right? The doctors or "docs" as I must now refer to them, are an interesting crowd. Some really stuffy, some really laid back, some you just can't tell. But, at any rate, there are TONS of "docs" everywhere around here. And yesterday, as I embarked on my 20 minute hike to the parking garage, I was walking down a hallway and this "doc" was walking towards me picking his nose. And yes, he saw me. And yes, he continued to pick his nose... It was the most bizarre thing I've ever seen. I think that I will eternally grateful that "docs" are incessant about washing their hands.

Wardrobe Situation

So remember way back when I told you that my new job required business formal dress? And that I needed to buy a whole new wardrobe? Well, I did and it was fun and I now own some really great and professional pieces. However, can I just tell you that no matter how cute the jacket is or how perfect the shoes are... dressing up everyday sucks. And you know it's not like I can just throw on any old suit and be good to go. This place is a fashion parade. There is this drastic line of scrubs and biz formal. Biz formal means dressed to the nines, great hair, manicured nails, perfect and trendy heals and all the needed electronic devices. I now have to have a pager and my cell phone with me at all times, and the laptop must come home at night. Thank God I bought that $365 awesome briefcase!

Yes, my briefcase arrived yesterday. It is so awesome. It is made by Rawlings, yeah those people that make baseball gloves. It is made out of the same leather and is stitched just like a mitt. Totally cool. THanks to the hubby for letting me get it - it was my "Sweetest Day" presant :)

Some Stuff About Me

1. Number one priority in life is my baby girl, Madeline.
2. Number two priority is my marriage to high school sweetheart, Jerry.
3. The rest of my family is incredibly important to me, and we are very close.
4. I have one brother, who is about to turn 25.
5. My parents are both VERY young - my mom is 41 and my dad is 45.
6. I work in a hospital.
7. I am absolutely hands-down addicted to rubber stamping.
8. I've started a new obsessions recently - scrapbooking.
9. My parents come to visit Maddy every Wednesday night.
10. We're most likely moving in the next year - building a new house.
11. We built our first house, just three years ago.
12. My husband had an affair with my soon-to-be-ex sister-in-law, while I was pregnant.
13. My soon-to-be-ex sister-in-law committed numerous felonies using my name.
14. I love celebrity gossip news and read the trash everyday.
15. I want to get pregnant again next year.
16. I drive a 2004 black Mazda 6 to work, but when I have the baby I take the 2005 black Explorer.
17. I am extremely organized at work, but my house is an absolute mess.
18. I have a shopping addiction, and spend way too much money on clothes.
19. I dress my daughter a little like me... she wears khakis and jeans a lot, even though she's only 7 months old.
20. I go by "Amanda" at work, but "Mandy" everywhere else.
21. I love Mountain Dew.
22. I eat absolutely NO fruits or vegetables EVER.
23. I don't eat any condiments either (not ketchup, salad dressing, nothing).
24. I'm not very nice to my husband when I don't get my way.
25. I have major issues with my mother-in-law.
26. Jerry and I went through some major crap in high school, that resulted in Jerry being suspended from school and they took us out of the classes we had together... very long story.
27. #26 changed our relationship forever, made Jerry get some counseling and is the reason I am still married to him
28. I still need to lose like 20 pounds
29. I hate cleaning, and never do it.
30. My mom cleans my house a lot, and when she doesn't, I pay my aunt to come and do it.
31. I could spend thousands of dollars and more time I could ever have in a craft store.
32. I had to get rid of my dog a little more than a week ago, and I am very very sad about it.
33. I let my daughter cry sometimes.
34. There are usually dishes in my sink, unless I'm expecting company.
35. We have a hot tub, that gets used almost every night.
36. I let my laundry pile up until the door to the closet where the hamper is can't close anymore or I run out of underwear.
37. I have about a hundred pairs of underwear.
38. I really really loved being pregnant.
39. I cried when I packed up my maternity clothes.
40. I have a master's degree.
41. I have changed jobs a lot.
42. The longest I've worked somewhere is 2 1/2 years.
43. I'm 26 years old.
44. I've never even tried to smoke a cigarette.
45. I've never done any kind of illegal drugs - EVER.
46. I dated a drug dealer though :)
47. I can count the number of guys I've slept with on one hand.
48. My husband was my first, but not only.
49. I've never cheated on my husband.
50. I am a fanatical planner.
51. I finished my B.A. in three years. I was 20 when I graduated.
52. I went to Ohio Northern University.
53. I got my Master's three semesters later from The University of Akron.
54. I got married 6 months later.
55. I used ovulation kits to plan the conception of my daughter.
56. It worked the first time.
57. My daughter was conceived on the 4th of July.
58. My daugther was born on Good Friday.
59. I have pictures of my daughter plastering my new office.
60. I love to read, but never have time to do it.
61. I'm a democrat.
62. I've played softball nearly my entire life.
63. I played volleyball in high school.
64. I'm only 5' 1" tall.
65. I never got to play in the front row :)
66. I was in a major bad car accident about 12 years ago.
67. I broke my femur as a result, and have a metal rod and a few screws in there now.
68. I sometimes think about divorcing my husband.
69. But I don't want to, and know that I won't.
70. I really think about it at night when he's snoring the night away :)
71. My house is painted with really bright colors - yellow, orange, turquoise, lime green.
72. I wish we had money to invest in really great art for the walls.
73. I think my husband has more shoes than I do!
74. My brother and I are complete opposites, but we have a few things in common.
75. I'm a really creative person.
76. I look like my mom, but I'm built like my dad.
78. My daughter looks exactly like my husband.
79. My brother and I look like we should be boy/girl twins - same face, same smile.
80. We are 17 months apart.
81. I have 3 grandparents still living plus one great-grandma still living.
82. My mom's parents are only 61 years old.
83. I have a cousin that is only 4 years old.
84. My mom's sister is married to my dad's brother.
85. My dad has 6 brothers and one sister.
86. My mom has two brothers and one sister.
87. I never wanted a sister.
88. I am the total princess of my family.
89. I started this blog to write about my daughter, never dreaming of the drama that would take hold of my life these last few months.
90. I don't cook, at all really, but if I had time to learn, I would do it more.
91. My mom never cooked at all, so I'm completely clueless in the kitchen.
92. My mother-in-law is the best cook I know.
93. My husband teaches 5th grade, and loves it.
94. I don't have enough patience to be a teacher.
95. I love to write, and really enjoy my work.
96. I am the breadwinner in my family.
97. I love learning and strive to constantly be bettering myself.
98. I am extremely goal-oriented.
99. I was in a sorority in college - Alpha Xi Delta.
100. I value family and friends more than words could ever express.

Crazy Busy

I am crazy busy at work and at home. Things have just been so hectic. We had Maddy's first Halloween - she was absolutely adorable and loved seeing all the kids. I'll post pictures later. I have kind-of a crisis project to work on for the next day or two here at work. My brother is an idiot... we've all come to the conclusion that PIL needs psychiatric help, but I think he thinks that it will make everything ok if she gets that help, and he is terribly mistaken. I am doing my damdest to kick him in the ass and get him to take all the needed steps to get away from her, but I think he needs to see a shrink too for believing her lies for so long and still being sucked into her BS. Too much to get into here, but just know that this drama is far from over and it is driving me crazy.

Dissolution

My brother has agreed to the dissolution and is working with my parents on getting things figured out. I feel so bad for him. I just want him to put this all behind him and start fresh.

I am absolutely exhausted today. Not only have I been adjusting to this new schedule for the job, and the 20 minute hike from the parking garage to my office, but we have had something going on every night this week after work. Tonight is no different. On the way home I have to stop and pick up stuff to make a giant sub sandwich for the Halloween party we have to go to tonight, put together my stupid costume, get Madeline dressed in her adorable Winnie the Pooh costume, and I'm sure, run around and help Jerry get ready. Crazy busy. I do not plan on staying at this party late. I am so tired. I could hardly stay awake on the drive in this morning. Thank goodness we don't have too much going on Sat. Sunday is Maddy's first trick-or-treat. She is just too cute for words.

Oh well, gotta run. Work to do today. I love being at the children's hospital. There are so many fun things I get to do. This week, my very first week, I met a pro football player that came in to visit some patients, and today I get to help out with the Ritz Carlton Pumpkin Parade! How fun is that?

Psycho Drama Continues

She emailed my dad yesterday. It was this huge long drama story trying to explain herself. Too bad nobody buys her act anymore. My mom talked to her mom last night... Apparently this is not as surprising as you might think...

Way back before PIL met my brother I guess there was some other BS going on that led her mom to kick her out when she was 18. She then went to college, where she had to borrow a bunch of money from her aunt that she never paid back. Then a few laters she got a car from a family member that she never paid for. Got a car from her mom that she never paid for. At one point she lived with her ex-stepdad, and he kicked her out. Her sister lived with her for a while, and that didn't work out either. All because she lies and manipulates people. Her mom is a basket case with apologies. She told my mom that she tried to talk PIL out of the wedding and everything b/c she knows how she is... psycho. She told my mom that she's tried to help a whole bunch of times through the years and she just doesn't know what to do with her anymore.

Crazy. She put on a really good show for a really long time with my family, and I am just in shock and how manipulative and distrusting she really is... Just goes to show that we should've tried harder to convince my brother that our gut instincts were right. None of us ever really liked her, but we tried hard for my brother's sake.

We are all just done with her. Whatever happens, happens. I told her that I just want her to leave my family alone, and if she doesn't, I'll send her ass to jail with identity theft, credit card fraud and mail fraud charges.

I'm Here

At my new job - second day. I'm typing this on my new laptop. Way too cool. I have an office with a door and a window! So excited.

Anyway, not here to disclose work info... Just wanted to let you all know that things are getting a little hairy. My mom sent PIL an email yesterday letting her know that she is no longer welcome around our family, and basically chewing her out. She forwarded the email on to my brother, who sent it to my dad, who responded with another angry email. At any rate, my brother is still staying at my parents' house, but everyone is getting mad at him because he hasn't taken any other action. My mom is trying everything to have him file the dissolution papers, but he hasn't done it yet... we'll see what happens.

Had stamping last night and made the announcement that she will no longer be a part of that... it was weird b/c I don't really think anyone was surprised. Strange.

On a really really sad note, I could cry just writing this... We had to get rid of our dog over the weekend. It's so sad. I can't even write the whole thing.

Anyway, gotta run.

Some sense of normalcy

That's all I really want. This crap with PIL is driving me crazy b/c it is consuming my family. My brother is being really dumb about it all, and I just want to slap him silly (as does my mom). I am stopping by the court house today to pick up a dissolution packet for him. He really doesn't have a choice - my family is completely done with her, and she's just a total wack-job. He just keeps saying how he wants her to get help, and this part is easier for him to deal with than when he found out about the affair. I told him that this isn't just about him anymore, and that he has to understand the harm she's done to me and the rest of my family.

It all makes me sick - the show I had to put on after the affair and all the stupid nice shit I did for her and my brother for their wedding, and this is what she does. I just can't understand how anyone thinks to do things like this...

We're heading out to have lunch with Jer at school. I need to go pick up the food, so I have to run. Maddy is sleeping though, so I am going to try to pack everything up and get everything ready before I have to wake her up... :( I hate doing that to her, but we'll be late if i don't. Oh well, have a good weekend everyone!

Confession

Well folks, she has admitted to it. Not to me, not to my brother, but to the investigator working the case. He called to tell me that yesterday. She has 60 days to come up with $6,000 or they will take it criminal with her. I can take it criminal myself because of the identity theft, but MBNA will not go after her until after the 60 days. My brother has taken his dog and a suitcase full of clothes to my parents house. I really hope he goes through with it and just gets an anullment.

Can't post too much now... Maddy is awake and raring to go. We're heading off to go have lunch with my mom at work.

I'll post the rest of the details later... Big drama in the family now. My poor brother....

Peace and Quiet

Maddy is taking a nap. I feel so good today because the damn closet project is done. I think we're going to head to the mall when Mad wakes up. I still have a little bit of work clothes shopping to do, and a few pairs of shoes wouldn't hurt :)

So, some news on the house front. We went and priced out a new home to build in a new city that would be the same amount of driving for both Jerry and I. Perfect location and a really great house. Double the square footage of our current home. They aren't selling lots until next month, but I think we are going to go for it. If all goes well, the house would be done around late May/early June. I'm kind-of excited about it, but petrified at the thought of selling this house. I feel better about it now that I've been home and done some serious cleaning, but I'm still stressed out about the whole process.

I'm super-excited about starting the new job next week. When I went in last week, they were so cool. Everyone seems really excited to have me on board. My lap top is all ready and waiting, and they ordered my new business cards already. I will have a reall office with a door for the first time EVER in my career. That is pretty cool.

I've done some super-cute scrapbook pages for Maddy. STill have tons I want to do, but I'm making progress and I'm happy with what I've done so far.

About the credit card BS - still really don't know anything. PIL is denying it still, but it's without a doubt her. The investigator has been in touch with them, but not with me. I may give them a call today to see what's going on. PIL called off work last week after I called them, and she hasn't contacted me since that night. She hasn't been to any family functions or anything for like 2 weeks. My brother is now seriously considering joining the Marines, and my mom is totally freaking out. I swear that stupid bitch totally deserves to rot in jail, and I honestly hope she gets what's coming to her! She has just hurt my family way too much. And ya know, I want to tell my brother "I told ya so," but he is just so devestated and I think he's in shock. He's talked to a lawyer and is keeping close tabs on his financial situation, but still... I'm being extra careful. Doors are always locked and someone always knows where I'm going. We've changed the security code, and Maddy hasn't left my site, except to be with Jerry's mom last week when I went to the hospital and went to the dentist.

OH well, I'm going go. I have to try to get as much crap done around this house as I can while she's napping.

Hello! I AM Alive!

Hello, everyone. I know it's been a while, but I've been busy and without a computer for a while. At any rate, I'm enjoying my mini vacation before starting my new job next week. Madeline is doing great - I picked an awesome time to be home with her. She cut her first tooth, said "Mama" for the first time AND started crawling this week! Wow.

I've been working on her scrapbook. I cleaned out my closet today - got rid of 6 BIG garbage bags of clothes! You can actually walk in the closet now. Big relief. Went to the dentist and got my permanent crown put on last week. It's gold, and I think it's a little weird, but oh well. Also went to have my physical and everything for the new job last week. I met some of the people I'll be working with, and it just made it all so much more exciting!

I could go on and on about the things I've been doing, but Jer is waiting for me to come to bed. I wasted a bunch of time trying to remember my stupid blogger password info - my old computer at work just automatically put it in there, and I couldn't remember at all.

Anyhow, I'm a busy girl, but thanks to my former co-worker, I am now back online! A big HUGE thanks to her!! :)

I'll post some more tomorrow - hubby will be at work, but who knows how much time Maddy will give me!

Take care! I'll have to take some time later this week to catch up with everyone's posts! A whole week without the Internet is sheer torture, seriously.

Psycho

Well, today is my last day at work. I'm a little sad, but really excited to have two weeks off! I could write a sappy post today, but I won't because there is an even bigger fiasco going on in my life...

I didn't post yesterday b/c I was too busy making phone calls and taking care of a BIG problem. On Weds. night I got a call from a credit card company alerting me that there is a credit card in my maiden name with a balance over $8,000 that is 16 months overdue! WTF? So, I freak out because it's total fraud and it's not me. The card has been used during the last year and a half, AND payments have been made on it! The payments were made from another checking account at my bank. They gave me the last four digits of the account number - not my account. They also asked if I had lived at these two other addresses, which I did not, but they happen to be the addresses of my brother and BIL (who we will now refer to as PIL - psycho-in-law). So, I flip out and ask what I'm supposed to do and start making phone calls.

I called my brother, because I just innocently thought there had to some weird computer glitch or mistake or something. Well, the payments were made from their account. Yeah, those four digits matched. OK? So, my brother freaks and asks me to talk to PIL b/c she handles their finances. She doesn't quite have the same freak-out reaction. She just says, "I don't know. We have so many cards, I'd have to check." WTF????????????? You don't know if you have an $8,000 balance on a credit card?????????? OK. So, the lady at the credit card company said they would look into and get back to me, but told me to call yesterday and file a fraud report. So, I did that.

I pulled up my credit report to find out more about this, and it shows me the balance history, the account number and some other info. The fraud people told me where the last few charges were made (at the outlet mall where her sister used to work). They also said they would pull a copy of the check that made the last payment. I told them about the addresses being my brother's, and I asked if there could be some mistake. They told me, "No, the only way this happened is that someone is using a card with your name on it. Your ss# has been compromised, and the person is able to verify your mom's maiden name."

Now, I did not accuse anyone of anything. I didn't really attack anyone or anything, but I turned it over to the investigators, who will get to the bottom of it and get back to me in a week. They asked if I would be willing to file a police report against whomever did this, and I said, "yes."

Now, I'm not stupid and I know that nobody would believe my brother was me. I also know that my brother is not smart enough to go online and update the address for the bill (yes, the address has been updated through the years b/c the account has been open for 5 years!) He doesn't handle their finances at all - she does.

So, my brother is feeling really bad. She's denying it, but he doesn't totally believe her.

We're not doing anything about it until the investigator confirms it, but we're pretty sure the psycho is pretending to be me and racking up charges and not paying the bills. So, yes, the bitch could go to jail and their marriage could be annulled and ya know - what went around, might actually come around to her!

I'm really creeped out by it all, because if she really did do this - it's really freaky and I think she has some mental obsession with wanting my life. I think that's why she did what she did with my husband, and I think she has always wanted everything that I have.

In retrospect there have been other things that could have been part of her mental problems - wanting my dad to be her cotillion escort (as he had done the cotillion with me two years prior), always making comments about me being the "princess of the family" and then getting upset when the same things were not done for her, just dumb stuff. But ya know, if she really has this obsession and jealous dilusions, then it makes me scared for Maddy's safety and you can bet your ass it will be a cold day in hell before she will be spending any time near my baby.

I feel horrible for my brother, and I'm trying hard not to be 100% sure that it's her. He's talked to me about the "what if's" and he's freaking out. I don't want him to get hurt, but if it means that in the end, our family is safe and her true colors finally are shown to the rest of the world, than so be it.

So my life went from a dimented Jerry Springer episode to a fucking scary movie! Garage codes have been changed and every door in my house gets locked the second I get in - I really just want to get to the bottom of it all.

2 More Days!

2 more days and I'm outta here! Oh, I cannot wait to spend two whole weeks that cute little baby of mine! She slept through the entire night last night and was in the best mood ever when she woke up this morning. I was almost late to work b/c I spent too much time playing with her. I thinks he's feeling better - she had a bit of a cold these last few days.

Anyhow, hubby is driving me nuts with this moving/house hunting business. We've discussed this a million times, and we've decided more than once that we would wait to make any decisions until I've made the drive a few times and have gotten settled into my new job. HOWEVER, he still proceeds to look up houses and email and call me every day with places he wants to go look at... it was fun at first, but now it's becoming annoying.

I have the headache from hell today. Oh my gosh. I can't stand it, but I can tell you that I think the source of it sits in the cubicle next to me...

I want to pull all of my hair out!

So this is my last week here at the old job. I've been doing my best to get things wrapped up and finish the projects I agreed to finish. OK, now let me preface this with the fact that I agreed to stay on for 3 weeks, instead of the customary 2. That being said, why the hell is my boss giving me new shit to do????????????? I am so mad. I just want to be done and get the hell out of here. Friday is my last day. There are little parties and lunches scheduled the rest of the week for goodbyes, and I just want to enjoy these last few days. BUT NO WAY. Instead, I am getting more stress and more work and I am super annoyed.

Sorry - just had to vent.

P.S.
In 20 minutes I am supposed to have lunch with above mentioned boss. I'll just have to suck it up.

Another Picture

Madeline's 6 Mos. Portraits

On Saturday, my mom and I took Maddy for her six month pictures. We did 4 outfits, 80 pictures and picked out the ones we wanted in under an hour! These people were amazing. I went in there for a $9.95 package and walked out $200 later. They were just too good. Here are just a couple of them. They are way better ones, and I tried to post them yesterday, but it wouldn't work. Not sure what the problem is... Anyhow, is she not absolutely adorable?

Ribs

So y'all know how my mother-in-law is - has stayed at home all her life and is the world's greatest cook. She knows she's a great cook, but she still revels in the praises she receives when people come over to eat her food. So, last year, she decided to have a neighborhood chili cook-off at her house. Judges and everything. Well, she won, of course. So, this year, she decides to have a rib cook-off, but she's "not going to enter." She's just going to make other stuff and desserts. Ya know, she's just too good and would win again for sure if she entered! Ha! Yeah, so she didn't enter, but Jerry's dad decided to enter his own ribs. He wanted to prove a point to MIL - that he was capable of making good food too. Yeah well, FIL won! Yeah, he won. She just didn't quite know how to handle that. That means that next year the cook-off is at their house again, he picked wings. Wings are FIL's specialty, and MIL doesn't even like wings. I wonder if she'll enter just to spite him? Funny.

MIL...

Sometimes I seriously wonder why I trust my MIL to take care of my daughter all day, because sometimes I really struggle to understand why she does some of the stupidest things on earth!

For the past two nights she has called us around 8:30 - knowing this is right around Madeline's bed time. I have answered the phone both times. The conversation goes as follows, "Did Maddy get her ears pierced?" "No." "Oh, what's she doing?" "She's in bed, asleep." "Oh, okay, I'll see her tomorrow."

WHY is she calling me about this? Everyday? We said we MIGHT get her ears pierced this week. MAYBE. Stupid, pointless conversation. I know that if and when we do get her ears pierced, Jer will call MIL when we get home to report in on how it went. She DOES NOT need to call and ask. That's seriously the end of the conversation. Nothing else.

OH, and you should hear her talk to us about the whole "moving debate." She is absolutely against us moving anywhere that's not "right around the corner." She keeps trying to come up with these scenarios and is so negative about everything. We went looking at houses on Sunday, and when we came back (and went over her house for this stupid Rib Cook-Off that I will post about later) she asked if we found anything. I just said, "No, not really." She says, "Why? The drive is too far hah." I said, "No, that's not it at all." She said, "Too expensive." I said, "No, not at all." Then she says, "What are you guys going to do when she starts school?" I said, "Jer wants to look for a job in whatever district she's going to." She gives me this disgusted look. I said, "What's the difference? She won't go to the school district near your house now, b/c we don't live in your city anyways." She said, "Yeah, but now you're just right around the corner." I said, "Yeah, but with my new job, I get a laptop and can work at home when I need to, so whatever the situation may be, I can work around it." She really didn't have a response.

She is absolutely unsupportive about this career move. Yes, she said congratulations, but her immediate comment was that she was going to trade in the car we bought her and get a Lexus. She has not asked one question about what I will do there or what that means for us. All she knows is that it's over her head, and she hates that she can't have a conversation with me about it and actually understand anything I tell her.

She seriously just cares about Madeline and getting to watch her b/c she has control in that situation. Everyone can gush about how hard it must be for her and how great it is that she does that for us, blah, blah. As long as she watches the babies, she is the family hero.

Don't get me wrong - I am thoroughly grateful for the childcare and for the fact that a trusted family member is watching Maddy all day. BUT, she is still my MIL and ya know, I still have those lovely feelings about her that all daughter-in-laws have at some point. I wish she would just respect my career for what it is and be a little more supportive of those accomplishments. Family is really really important, but it is not all there is to life, and I know she just doesn't understand how anything but family can be a priority to any woman.

2 Weeks off to...

1. Clean out and organize my closet
2. Get a good start on Maddy's scrapbook
3. Get a permanent crown put on my tooth
4. Get my physical, drug test, TB test and fingerprinting done for my new job
5. Take Maddy to visit my mom at work
6. Have 3 stamping events
7. Celebrate Sweetest Day
8. Clean my entire house
9. Shop for a whole new "business formal" wardrobe
10. Spend some time with my daughter

Do you think I can fit it all in?

A Day with my Daughter

Yesterday was Madeline's 6 month check-up, so I stayed home to be with her after those nasty shots. She was so sweet - all sleepy and snuggly. It was nice to be there to hold her. I can't believe she's already 6 months old! That's just crazy. She's getting so big, and soooo active. She rolls all over the place and just can't sit still. She's just adorable.

Now, it's back to the grind today. Trying to get things all wrapped up in the next two weeks. Next Fri. (Oct. 7) is my last day here. I don't start my new job unti lthe 24th. Two weeks off with the baby! Can't wait.

It's so hard to stay focused on things here, but I'm doing my best.

Tidbits About Moi...

Saw this floating around on a few blogs today, so I thought I'd follow suit...

1. Legal First name? Amanda
2. Were you named after anyone? Nope. It was the second most popular name the year I was born.
3. Do you wish on stars? Yes
4. When did you last cry? Last weekend. That damn Jerry!
5. What is your favorite lunch meat? Smoked turkey.
6. What is your birth date? June 25th
7. Whats your most embarrassing CD? Kelly Clarkson.
8. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Definitely.
9. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Not all that much.
10. What are your nicknames? Mandy, Palsy-Walsy (only by my grandpa)
11. Would you bungee jump? Yes, but only if hubby did it with me. I would never have the balls to do it by myself.
12. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Yep, every time.
13. Do you think that you are strong? Physically - not at all. Mentally - I'm as tough as nails (HA!).
14. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup
15. Shoe Size? 7 wide (Yeah, I got fat feet)
16. Red or pink? Pink. Without question.
17. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? That I've gained so much weight in the last two years.
18. Who do you miss most? The guy that Jerry was when we first met - so lovey/dovey and romantic.
19. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Jeans and brown shoes.
20. What are you listening to right now? Some chick a few cubicles over mumbling on the phone.
21. What did you eat for breakfast? A donut and a cappaccino. (And I wonder why I've gained weight?)
22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Denim blue.
23. What is the weather like right now? Rainy.
24. Last person you talked to on the phone? A fact-checker at Seventeen magazine.
25.The first things you notice about the opposite sex? Smile.
26. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes.
27. Favorite Drink? Mountain Dew. Alcoholic - amaretto sour.
28. Hair Color? Natural? Dark brown. With the help of stylist - blonde.
29. Do you wear contacts? Nope. Have perfect vision.
30. Favorite Food? Chicken fingers and fries. I get them wherever we go.
31. Last Movie You Watched? The Grudge - last weekend. Totally stupid movie.
32. Favorite Day Of The Year? Christmas.
33. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Happy endings.
34. Summer Or Winter? Summer - Jerry's home with Maddy and she's not subjected to MIL all day.
35. Hugs OR Kisses? Hugs - great big bear hugs.
36. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake.
37. Living Arrangements? With hubby, daughter Maddy and dog Mugsy.
38. What Books Are You Reading? As if I have time for reading?
39. What's On Your Mouse Pad? It's this ugly gray thing from work.
40.What Did You Watch Last night on TV? TV? What the hell is that?
41. Favorite Smells? Maddy.
42. Favorite junk food? This is the hardest question on earth for me - as I love any and all junk food.
43. Rolling Stones or Beatles? The Beatles.
44. What's the farthest you've been from home? Europe, twice.

My Mom

My mom is a wonderful and inspiring woman, but sometimes she drives me just plain crazy.

Here's the background on my relationship with mommy dearest: OK, hold onto your seats... I'm 26 and my mom is 41. Yep, she turned 15 a whole 9 days before I was born. She was 14 when she got pregnant and 14 when she married my dad. They are still married. She was a fresman in high school! My dad is 45. They had my brother when my mom was the much older age of 16! Yeah, so they worked their asses off to provide for us. Working several jobs, going to school at night, sharing an old car, and all kinds of other things to get where they are today. My mom is an accountant and my dad is an engineer! Go figure! (I told you she was inspiring)

Anyhow, as you can imagine, having a mom that is only 15 years older than you can be really fun. We've always been really close and "friends" most of the time. She knows me better than anybody, and she's always there when I need her. Since I've become a mom myself, our relationship has grown even stronger, and it really has made me appreciate even more all that she sacrificed in order for my brother and I to succeed and have everything we ever needed.

Now, all that being said... She also drives me nuts sometimes!

Last night was our stamping club meeting (I have 15 women that meet at my house once a month for a stamping class that I teach and they place orders). This is the second year for the club, and it's a really great thing for all of us. But anyways, it takes me a few hours each month to prepare - design projects, cut paper, organize supplies, etc., and with a 6 month old finding that time is not easy. I usually cram it all in the night before (Monday night this week). So, imagine my dismay that when I present one of the projects, my mom makes this snurled up face and says, "I don't like that." I was just like whatever! Holy shit was I pissed. She said this right in front of everyone else, and then they all start telling me that they do like it and are all sympathetic about it.

Now, I will admit that it wasn't one of my best projects, but I designed it using extra supplies I had left over from a stamp camp (rather than my typical design approach of creating something really beautiful and finding all the supplies I need). But, the point is that I took the time to design it, cut all the paper for it and everyone else was fine with it AND SHE has to go and make her little comment OUT LOUD! Ugh. I pretty much ignored her and went on with the class.

So, she knew she pissed me off. I come in to work this morning, and she sends me this all apologetic email. OK, but it doesn't end there.

She also includes in the email this rant that she was upset b/c she didn't get to see Maddy last night, and she's feeling bad that Jer's family gets to spend more time with her. Now, Jerry took Maddy shopping last night b/c it is way too hard for me to teach the class with her there. And, he went shopping with his Mom and Dad to one of those wholesale stores. What the hell does she want me to do? I cannot help that she lives 45 minutes away and Jer's parents live 10 minutes away. Having Jer's mom watch her during the day is the best child care situation we could ask for. I have 15 women at stamp club to stamp, not entertain my child. Ugh.

I understand that she has these feelings, but please don't make me feel bad about it. I have to do what is best for me and my family, which doesn't always mean what is best and/or the most loved by my mom. She would be more understanding of that.

Big Lunch Date

Today I had lunch with a guy that I went to college with. He's in the same field as I am, and we've kept tabs on each other off and on. He's looking for freelance work, and we need some here, so we met up to chat. Turns out he's been interviewing at the place where I just got hired! Yeah, small world. There are still open positions there. Since we left lunch (around 2), my friend sent an email to my new boss, my new boss called to ask me about him, and I think my current employer is probably going to ask him to freelance, if not replace me! Crazy. Yeah, I just called him and I think he would literally kiss my ass right now! Yeah, Pete, you're welcome!

Peace of Mind

Last night I got all of my stamping stuff done and ready to go for tomorrow night. That is such a huge relief. I have a haircut tonight - I'm psyched about that. I love going to get my hair done! So, now I can just sit back, relax and enjoy it.

Hubby kept Maddy at his mom's last night for a long time so I could have some time to myself. It was so nice. I felt a little guilty b/c I didn't see her at all yesterday (she was sleeping when he brought her home), but then when she woke up at 3:30 a.m. and I had to spend like 45 minutes getting her back to sleep, that guilty feeling slightly went away :) No, seriously. It was nice to get some things done and get caught up, especially after the relief I felt after giving my notice yesterday.

I feel good today. I have a lot of things to transition over and wrap up here, but overall, I don't think it is going to be as hard as I had imagined.

I Did It!

I did it. I told them, and it went surprisingly well. They were happy for me, and I am now about 50 pounds lighter, due to the weight that has been lifted off my shoulders. Wow. I feel really good now, but am a little scared and nervous still. Should be a really good change for me though.

What a Monday.

Scared and a little sad

I have to give my notice here at work today. I'm scared and nervous because I'm not sure what to say. This is coming out of nowhere for them, and it's the busiest time of year. I'm sad because these are my friends. I've worked with them for 2 years and we are a small, close-knit group. I have thought about this nearly every second since I got the call on Friday. What do I say? How do I approach this? Who do I tell first? When do I tell other people in the company? What are they going to say? How are they going to react? I have to give the new place a start date - what should that be?

There are so many loose ends that I will have to wrap up, and I'm sad that I'm going to miss out on some big projects I've been working on, some for years, and I'm sad because I'm going to be leaving behind a job that I know and do very well for something that is completely new and different. I'm scared because the people at the new place literally created this position for me, and I don't want to let them down. I'm thrilled by the confidence they have in me, but I really want to exceed all expectations.

I never would've thought I'd be leaving here this soon. I expected to stay for at least a few more years, but this is an opportunity that is really too good to be true. It's hard because this is a place that people stick around. My two bosses have each been year for about 15 years. I'm nervous about telling them, but I have to do it in an hour. Woah. My stomach hurts.

Shaking with Excitement!

I got the job AND I got the salary I asked for.... WOOHOO!

Now, I have to figure out when I want to start. I am dreading giving my notice here. My boss is going to freak out, as she suspects nothing. I am sad about leaving my friends here, but you know this is definitely the best move for my career. I'm excited and scared and nervous and happy all at the same time.

Crazy.

I can't wait to go home and celebrate with Jer.

Just Wanna Puke

I am a nervous wreck and I'm all nauseous... You see I was supposed to hear from the secret guy today, and I haven't yet, so I just sent him an email. I told him that I had another potential opportunity (total lie) and was really hoping to think through some things over the weekend. I asked for any info he could share at this point. Now, I just wanna barf waiting for his reply. He's a speedy email guy, and I'm a nervous wreck. This job thing will totally change my life, and I'm kinda comfortable where I'm at, got a routine down and love the people I work with... It's just I need a challenge, I need room to grow and goals to work towards. Aghhhh. I want to scream. I don't think I can handle another weekend of not knowing anything. My horoscope said that really great things would happen with my career today, so I'm taking comfort in that.

I'll keep ya posted.

Wow! Do I have a lot going on!

So, here's a little update... I am supposed to talk to the secret people by the "end of the week." Today is the end of the week, right? OK. So, I'm a nervous wreck about this. I just want the process to be over and know for sure what the heck I'm doing with my career. Ugh. Dude, just call me already!!!!

Tomorrow morning I am heading out with Maddy for some retail therapy. In major need of some shoes and some dark brown pants. Jerry has a golf outing, so it'll be a good time to go and get some things done.

Sunday, we have a work event and I have to go. I'm bringing my mom and grandma, and the baby, because I think it will actually be a good time.

Now, on Monday I have a dentist appt. to get a crown put on. Tuesday, I have a hair appt. Wednesday, I have stamping club. Saturday, I have a stamping class. I know there is also something next Friday that I can't think of right now.

Somewhere in the mix of all this, I have to do the prep work for my club and class.... Hmmm.... How am I going to get this all done and manage to take care of the baby? Wow. I'm a busy girl, and I'm getting a little stressed out.

Oh yeah, and I didn't even post that I have this nasty stye on my right eye. My eyelid is all swollen and red, and for the last two days I can't open my eye really good in the morning. It hurts like hell. Beautiful. I kinda look like I got punched in the eye.

You know, it's Friday. I should be happy and feeling good 'cuz it's the weekend. Yeah right. I think my weekends are more tiring than the week nights!

"Toothers"

So, on Tuesday, Jenna got a "toother." Yep, before my precious Madeline. This was a weird revelation for me - Jenna doing something first. I was pregnant first, Maddy was born first, Maddy smiled first, laughed first, stuck her tongue out first, figured out all the toys first, and now BAM! MIL called to tell me that Jenna got a "toother." Yes, notice I said MIL, not SIL. MIL spends just about as much time, if not more, with Jenna than SIL does. It's amazing to me. SIL never goes home and her hubby never comes to MIL's house - it's weird. He's always "mowing the lawn" or something. Anyhow, back to the "toother" business.

Madeline is hard core teething. There is a "bump" on the bottom, and there's a "toother" on the verge of exposing itself, but in the meantime, she's a little crabby. You can tell when her mouth is bothering her, and lately we've spent a lot of time with our fingers in her mouth, holding cold teethers and giving her Tylenol every so often. I wish it would just "appear" already!

Jenna didn't go through any of this - she just drools all the time - so we weren't expecting her to have a tooth first at all. Oh well, I'd take a happy toothless baby to a crabby baby with teeth any day!

The Cutest Baby Ever

Is she not the cutest thing? Her parents must be really good looking people :)

A Sad Few Days

Sorry for the lack of posts these last few days. My grandma passed away on Saturday morning, and I was pretty busy with my family. It was dad's mom, and that side of my family is HUGE. My dad has 6 brothers and 1 sister. My grandma had 24 grandchildren and 29 great-grandchildren! She was 79, and she's been sick for a long time. It wasn't a big surprise at all, but still very sad.

My grandma always had this big vegetable garden, and I remember spending a lot of time sitting on her front porch "stringing beans" with her. I also remember that my grandma was the only one who I let french braid my hair (she was the only one that did it "right"). I remember that they were one of the first people I knew that got cable TV, and I spent a lot of time watching HBO and MTV there.

These last few years I really didn't spend too much time with her. She was really sick and in and out of nursing homes and the hospital. It was hard to see her like that, and I really stayed away. I really regret that she only ever held Maddy one time - on Mother's Day.

Yesterday, at the funeral, it was so weird because initially I wasn't really that sad about it, because she wasn't suffering anymore. She looked really peaceful. But, the part that hit me the hardest was seeing my dad and his siblings, and my grandpa, really break down. It then really hit home at how hard it would be to lose my mom or Jerry. My dad cried hard, and that was hard for me to see.

It was really sweet to watch my grandpa. When they told him that she had passed away, his only words were "At least she's not suffering anymore." And to watch him over the course of the last few days, you could just see how lost he was without her. He waited until everybody left the funeral home on Monday night, and then spent a lot of time saying his goodbyes. Yesterday, he was the last one to put a flower on her casket, and then to see him with his frail hand just pat it so gently was so sad.

We had a lunch afterwards, and just our family alone was 125 people. That's amazing to me. All of these people exist because of them. All because she married my grandpa when she was 16 years old. They were married for 63 years. That's incredible to me.

I told you she had 29 great-grandchildren. 5 of them were born in 2005. There were a lot of little kids and babies around the last few days. It was awesome to see her legacy. To know that her family will continue on and on, even though she's gone.

Another Crazy Weekend

I'm going to be tied up in meetings this morning, and training all afternoon, so I won't have much time to post.

I am heading out to a stamping swap tonight - insanity. 66 women stamping! Tomorrow we have a birthday party to go to, I have to pick my parents up from the airport AND we're having people over to watch the Ohio State game. Sunday, we're going to look at some houses.

Gonna be a busy little bee...

The Waiting Game...

OK. So here's an update on my little secret. I got an email on Tues. that said, "I'm going to be blunt: I'm going to offer you a job." The thing is, he's trying to sort some things out with HR to make it all official and everything. SO, I have no idea what to expect... which of the several open positions he's offering me and/or if they will meet my salary requirements.... This is torture.

It's really stressing me out. It's hard to focus on my current work with this lingering in the back of my mind, and the thought of moving is pre-occupying Jer and I both. He keeps emailing me possible locations. It's exciting and scary, but just wish I knew if this was going to be worth all of this or not... I'm pretty it is, and I'm pretty sure this will be a HUGE career move for me, but we'll see. Haven't heard anything since Tuesday.

Sleepy Little Girl!

Madeline went to bed at 7:00 last night! She woke up at 10:15, and I put her in her jammies, fed her a bottle, and she went back to sleep until 6:00 this morning! MIL said she was crabby yesterday, and when Jer left to go to one of his many fantasy football drafts last night, I knew what she was talking about. Maddy was just fighting sleep. I put her in the jumper, then the exersaucer, then the swing, then I held her, then I fed her, then I changed her, then I put her in her crib, then I layed in our bed with her, then I put her in the jumper, then the exersaucer, then the swing, then I held her, then I fed her, then I changed her, then I put her in her crib AND she passed out. Somewhere in the rotation, I also walked her around outside, sang her a song, rocked her, gave her juice, gave her gas drops, thought about giving her a bath, and read her a book. Nothing really helped. She was just so overtired (primarily the result of a crappy night's sleep Monday night - see previous post).

She woke up super happy this morning. All she wanted to do was sit up in our bed and watch ESPN - it's so funny how much she loves to watch sports on TV. Her dad is really proud of that. She's going to be sitting up on her own any second now. She wants to sit and see everything - even when she's in the bath tub or you're holding her. It's already so obvious how independent she is going to be (sniff, sniff), but it's amazing to see her determination and watch her work so hard to do things. It's no wonder she needed more sleep.

Boys Drool...

Why is it that most men fail to see the logistical reasons why their children need to be at home at bed time? Or why they just seem to think that when their wife comes into the room where the men are having their "Hold 'Em" tournament that she's there to nag rather than look out for the best interest of her children?

Last night we went to a little cook-out at Jer's aunt's house. It started at 6 p.m. Now, before we drove out there, we had established that we would leave between 8 and 9, because that is when Maddy gets crabby and ready for bed. OK. We were agreed, and expectations were set.

We get there and all is well until they decided to have a "Hold 'Em" tournament at 7:30. They all scrounged around and begged the women for $5, and started the game. Well, at 8:05 I went out there (in the garage) to see how much longer. He said "1/2 hour." I said fine. Went inside with all the other female members of his family and entertained the "getting crabbier by the minute" Madeline. 1/2 hour later, I go outside. He says, "Just go home, someone will drop me off."

OK. This turned ugly, real fast. The guys all talk and decide that Jer's mom should go home with me, and then his sister, dad and brother-in-law will all go home in SIL's van. SIL and MIL were not happy with this plan at all, and SIL went outside and told them no.

What happened was Maddy and I went with SIL and Jenna and MIL in the van. Jer had to drive his dad, and BIL to their houses and then come home. He got home around midnight. Jackass. This meant that the garage door opened two more times and woke up the baby b/c it is directly underneath her room and it also meant that he woke me up. I was not happy. OH, and did I mention that I had felt like shit all day, feeling achy and tired and sick, and he knew this. He knew that I did not feel well, that the baby was ready for bed and that this was going to be inconvenient to all involved yet all the men went along and thought this was a great plan.

Now, I was not only pissed b/c he screwed up the plans, but this also meant that I had to put Maddy to bed, make her bottles and pack her bag for the week and take care of the dog by myself, while feeling like shit and just wanting to go to bed.

Maddy did not go to bed until 10 p.m., she woke up at 12:30, 3:00 and 5:00. Nice. All because he fucked up her routine and ruined the evening for all of us.

The dog needed to go out last night around 3:30, and he did it. He came back upstairs and said, "Let's just get rid of the dog." I said, "I'd rather just get rid of you."

Hurricane Katrina

I've been debating all week about what to post on this subject, as it seems it impacting every aspect of everyone's lives these last few days, and I really don't have any really great philosophical/political insight to post. It's a national tragedy, and I can't imagine being one of those mothers without the means to provide for their babies. I see these horrible images all over the news, and I just can't bear to watch anymore. It's making it incredibly hard to do my job, because my job is to get our company "in the news," and right now, the only thing that is "news" is Katrina's aftermath. How can I even think that some new product is worth a press release right now?

This is also the first time I'm experiencing a tragedy like this as a wife and a mom. When 9/11 happened, I was a graduate student and wasn't even married yet or anything. It's amazing to me how much more emotional this has been for me. To know the love of a husband and a daughter, and to even fathom the idea of losing them or not being able to take care of them is just inconceivable.

I don't mean for this post to sound selfish, as it seems to really focus on how this is affecting me, but to be honest, this is all I really feel qualified to talk about. I can't begin to imagine how those people feel or how hard it is to have family/friends in those affected areas. I can't really comment on the whole political side of this either, because as much as I am NOT a Bush fan, I don't know if anyone can really put themselves in his shoes right now and make judgment of his decisions. This natural disaster has devastated our country, and I think everyone involved is just trying to do whatever they can to help.

All I can tell you is that even though I am here safe in Ohio, and I don't personally know anyone who was hit by the hurricane, it is still impacting my life both physically and mentally. I'm praying and giving in the ways I know how, and will continue to do so until this horrible chaos has returned some sense of normalcy.