So Different

I'm only 8 weeks along and already this pregnancy is so different than the first. When I was pregnant with Maddy, being pregnant consumed me. It was all I thought about. The pregnancy was everything, and I think because of that I didn't notice the signs of the affair. I say this in retrospect because now that I'm pregnant again, one of the big differences this time is Jerry, and the way he's been to me and about this baby. He's much more attentive and in-tune with me this time, even though I'm not as caught up in the pregnancy. I just think back and realize how blinded I was to everything.

I go back and re-read the journal I kept during my pregnancy with Maddy, and there are so many entries about how I thought something was wrong with Jerry and all these things I was doing to be nicer to him and wondering what was wrong with me. I remember so many things he said to me, that now I can't believe I didn't see it.

It really makes me sick to my stomach to think that even though he knew we were having a baby, and even when he knew it was a girl, and when she had a name, and everything that he still continued to see her.

Finding out made me question whether or not I knew him at all, and now that I look back on everything, I did know him and if I had been a little less caught up in myself and the baby, I would've seen it. Because seriously, I can't quite explain it in words, but this time around he is just so different. And I haven't said anything or brought any of this up at all. It's just his reactions this time, so much better.

Madeline's reaction to all of this that she now thinks my belly button is also called a "baby." When you ask her "where's mommy's baby?" she will lift up my shirt and point to my belly button. It's rather cute. Having her and playing with her is what consumes me, and this pregnancy is kind-of second nature to that. I think because right now all I'm dealing with are the horrible hormonal side effects - nauseous, headaches, fatigue.

Anyhow, some random ramblings. But the feelings this time on many fronts are just so different.

Nauseous to the Depths of My Soul

I have been horribly horribly nauseous since Thursday. Won't go away no matter what I do, and eating only seems to make it worse. I haven't wanted to do much of anything (including work) at all because I have felt so bad. I seem to be slightly, just slightly, better this morning, but ugh... I was never this bad with Maddy.

Doctor Visit

Had the first doctor visit yesterday. Went ok. They took 4 tubes of blood, and now I have a monstrous bruise on my arm. My official due date is April 7th. I will be having a scheduled c-section this time (my choice). I go back again in two weeks (for the 8 week check-up) and then after that it will be every 4 weeks for a while. Jer and Maddy came with me. Maddy was awful. She didn't want to sit still and eventually Jer took her out to the car and fed her some fruit snacks while I finished up.

Jer is having an EKG today and a chest x-ray and some blood work done today. It's all precautionary/preventative. Just to make sure there's nothing major going on. They are also testing his uric acid levels to see how his gout is doing. Poor guy. He's pretty freaked out about it all. He's supposed to call later and let me know how things go.

Oh well, back to the grind. I'll keep you posted on all fronts...

Thanks Honey

Alright so last week, my hubby was trying to be all sweet and nice because he knew I was feeling pretty crappy. (This pregnancy is so different from Maddy - I am so tired all the time no matter how much I sleep) So, he bought me flowers, which was really sweet. And then on Thursday, he "did all this laundry" for me. I was ecstatic about this when I walked in the door and he told me. Woo-hoo! I had this mountain and it was so overdue, but I just had been too tired. I was so happy UNTIL I walked upstairs into our bedroom and saw IT.

The mountain of dirty clothes was now the mountain of clean clothes in the middle of our bedroom floor!!! Ugh. He said, "all you have to do is fold them and put them away." Yeah, ok. I had stamping that night and I was already tired and looking forward a quick nap before people starting coming. I was so pissed.

I'm not talking like 2 loads of clothes. We're talking like 6-7 loads, and it wasn't just my laundry. This was his clothes, Maddy's clothes, towels, everything...

Please tell me how this helps me? He did the "fun" part of laundry, and left the rest for me.

But, did I complain or say one word to him about it? No. I just said, "Thanks, honey."

Maddy Things

Being pregnant again has really made me appreciate how Madeline has come, and how far I have come as a mother, in just these last 16 months.

Madeline can now point out when asked a cow, a zebra, monkey, elephant, giraffe, snake, pigs, bunnies, birds, and fish. She has several books with all of these animals in them, and it is her favorite game now - she absolutely gets giddy from the praise when she is correct.

She knows every single Sesame Street character, and can show you who's who.

She can call you that a cow goes, "Mmmmm." And a dog pants, not barks (she will stick her tongue out and everything). She will raise her arm like an elephant truck and try to make an elephant sound that sounds more like a fart.

She thinks farts are very funny. She will force herself to fart and laugh outloud.

If you ask Madeline if she is going to be a big sister, she will give you this huge grin that cracks me up everytime, but if you ask her if she wants mommy to have another baby, you will get a full body shaking no.

She has taken to walking on her tiptoes all the time now.

She is an absolute fish in the water - loves it. And as a result is a total Coppertone kid. White butt and all.

She gives big squeeze hugs, which I adore, and will give kisses without being prompted :)

She gets very upset if we don't play "her" music in the car and will point at the radio with a loud screech until the specific song she wants on is playing.

Madeline is absolutely fascinated with rocks. Anywhere and everywhere if there is a rock, she will find it and accordingly throw it, pick it up and throw it again, and again.

She is not shy at all, and waives hello to everyone she passes and flashes those big blues with an even bigger smile.

Yesterday, my aunt brought us an ice cream cake that said "Congratulations Mandy, Jerry and Maddy," and it had pink and blue flowers on it. Madeline devoured all the blue flowers and is now a permanently stained smurf.

She is so damn cute. I can't even put it into words, and I am just having a hard time imagining how I will contain myself if the new baby is half as much fun!

We went grocery shopping on Saturday, and Maddy was all about being a big helper. Everything I put in the cart, she grabbed and checked it out for a few minutes and then threw it back in... she had to make sure we were buying all the right things. And when she saw Shrek fruit snacks on the shelf, she freaked out by letting out the biggest, "OOOOOOHHHHHH," I have ever heard. She held onto the box through the rest of our shopping trip. Then, when we went to check-out she helped put all the stuff up on the conveyor belt, and clapped when we were all done. She waived good-bye to the cashier and gave her mama a big kiss on the way out! Now, if only she can stay this way....

Work Function

Horror story from last night:

I had to attend this work function last night, a big fancy cocktails/dinner type deal. I absolutely hate these types of things - these are my big social situation fear, especially when you don't know too many people. See there were a lot of people from the hospital there that I know; however, the majority of the guests were these bigwig donors (like multi-millionaires). Everyone was sipping their colorful cocktails, and I kind-of panicked because it was one of those events where the drinks were brought around by cute little waitresses, and since I can't drink, I just kind-of stood around feeling a little awkward. There were some people who spoke and there was entertainment, and that was really nice. There was a fountain in the middle of the floor, and some lady fell in! That was kinda funny, especially because she was some fancy rich lady and she was drenched from head to toe.

Now, I hate "mingling" and will usually cling to a small group or at least one person that I know. Well, that wasn't really possible at this event and I kind-of got nervous and just keep walking all over the place.

Then it was time for dinner, and I don't even know what they were serving but the smell of it made me want to puke everywhere, so I decided I should just take off. I had stayed for the formal festivities and I felt completely out of place, so I found my purse, handed over my valet ticket and took off...

Oh wait, I forgot a really funny part... I have to park like a million miles away from my office at work, so last night I was heading out the parking garage and then going to the party. Well, I changed into my comfy flipflops for the walk to the parking garage. I got to the party, started to get out of the car for the valet to park it, when I realized I still had my flipflops on. Had to like intervene quickly and steel my heels out of the car before the valet took off. Slightly embarassing, but I don't think anyone really saw me.

Those kinds of things just are not my cup of tea. Sure the place was gorgeous with an absolutely amazing view of the lake, and yeah, everything was all fancy and fun. But the people. I just felt so out of place. I cannot "schmooze" very well, and just going up to random people and introducing yourself just doesn't feel right to me.

And yeah, I'm not really telling people at work that I'm pregnant for a LONG time and so I didn't want to end up getting sick there. I think all in all leaving was the best decision.

Incredibly Tired

This pregnancy is already so completely different than with Maddy. With Maddy my first symptoms were totally exhaustion (which is true with this one as well), incredibly sore boobs and just feeling a little "weird." Now, this time, my boobs are doing alright, but I have all this extra saliva going on and it's driving me insane. I had a little bit of this with Maddy, but not until later in the pregnancy. This stupid symptom is what made my hunch I was pregnant pretty strong. This constant swallowing and wanting to just drool is really annoying, especially at night when I'm trying to sleep and it's all I can think about. Ugh.

On a positive note, this time around I know more of what to expect. It's easier to feel the signs now, and I'm so much more in tune with my body. It's so weird, but I just knew the instant we conceived. We both did, and said as much to each other. I never expected that - to "just know." I didn't want to jinx it, and I was afraid the whole time to get my hopes up, but my gut was screaming that I was... And I am, which is fabulous EXCEPT that I am having a really hard time waking up in the morning. I am SO INCREDIBLY TIRED. Even now, after I've been at work for nearly two hours, I can barely keep my eyes open.

I feel like I took a sleeping pill or something before I went to bed, instead of that pesky prenatal vitamin that makes me burp like a man. I have had this feeling off and on all week.

Mommy x2

Woo-hoo! I'm officially allowed to tell the world now that yes, we are pregnant again!!!!! So lucky and blessed to have had it happen so quickly. We are due April 8th. I go to the doctor on the 16th.

I have to run to a meeting now, but just wanted to share the news!