It's really scary that I wrote that post last week, and now I have to share that my brother ended up in a state mental hospital. On Thursday, when he went to the doctor, he told them how he was feeling and because he was having suicidal thoughts they would not let him leave. They evaluated him in the ER (in a room with two cops sitting outside of it), and then transported him by ambulance to the mental hospital. He's supposed to be getting out today, and he's doing better, but holy crap what a weekend!
My mom was a crying hysterical mess most of the time. I had to actually interact with the psycho bitch again. My dad was just pissed off, and Jerry didn't know what to do at all.
My brother just really couldn't let her go. Eventually she came in to see him, because he asked her to, and he wanted her to tell him that it was over, and she did. It seemed to help him a lot. He's now seeing, really for the first time, how much she changed him and how much shit he put up with from her. He listened to all of us explain how we felt about the situation and the way we've felt through this whole process. He was surprisingly calm and optimisitic (much of it I think due to the drugs they're giving him), but he really asked for our help in getting better. He needs to stay busy and get out and do things. He wants to spend time with everyone again.
He really wants to talk to Jerry. Jer wouldn't go to see him last night. He's a little weirded out by it all and feeling really guilty, because he feels partially responsible for Christopher being there (and in reality he is), and he's struggling with that a bit.
Christopher is supposed to be coming over for dinner one night this week just to talk and hang out. He really wants to re-establish his friendship with Jer. I hope that happens, and I hope that they both learn how to communicate with each other better.
At any rate - the place where he's staying is truly insane and gross. My mom sobbed at the thought of him staying there at all. He couldn't have shoes (because of shoe laces and what he could do with them). People had to sit in on visits, and everywhere you went you were locked in. Weird and scary.
I feel so bad for him, and I really hope this is what he needed to get better.
I'll keep you posted.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Harder than I thought...
So my brother is having a much harder time dealing with his divorce than I thought. My called me this morning all upset because he kind-of had a breakdown last night and was talking suicide and everything. Turns out he's kind-of obsessed with what she's doing now (or should I say who she's doing now), and he drives by her house and calls her just to catch her in lies. Totally psycho, but the thing is he knows he's psycho about it. He went to the dr. today, and I hope they refer him to a therapist or something... He knows he needs help and he's reaching out to get it, which is a really good sign.
I'll tell you what kind-of put him over the edge recently - she had the gall to send him a Valentine's Day card (a husband one) in the mail and write all this mushy bs in it, and he just wigged out.
I feel really bad for him, and he's so torn. He was supposed to be moving out and getting his own apartment, but my parents don't really think that's a good idea right now, and he's having doubts too, so we'll see what happens.
My heart just aches for him, and I, as always, just want to go find that bitch and beat her down!
I'll tell you what kind-of put him over the edge recently - she had the gall to send him a Valentine's Day card (a husband one) in the mail and write all this mushy bs in it, and he just wigged out.
I feel really bad for him, and he's so torn. He was supposed to be moving out and getting his own apartment, but my parents don't really think that's a good idea right now, and he's having doubts too, so we'll see what happens.
My heart just aches for him, and I, as always, just want to go find that bitch and beat her down!
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Typical
So, how was your Valentine's Day? Mine wasn't so great.
I ran home from work to finish getting my stampin' stuff ready for tonight, and then was supposed to head over to the in-law's for a family Valentine's dinner (nice and romantic, I know). Well, Jer calls and asks me to stop and pick up a new prescription for him because he's having a gout attack. OK. So, I run to the drug store. They have one of those drive-through's you know, so I pull up into the line. I sat there for 40 minutes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There was a car behind me and a car in front of me and there is no where to go unless you want to go all off-roading and stuff in the grass. So, I sat there fuming. By the time I got to his mom's, everyone was finished eating (including my clueless husband who had no idea why I was so upset). He says, "you can just heat your steak up in the microwave." Jackass.
So, I didn't talk to him for much of the night and spent my time over there playing with the babies. (Oh, and this dinner including cousins, aunts, uncles, grandma the whole bit, EXCEPT for his sister and her husband who left Jenna there and went out to eat at a really nice place where they had reservations!) WTF??
So, anyhow, I get ready to leave with the baby because my grandma asked me to stop over because she had a little gift for Madeline. So, we did.
When we got home, Jerry was in the hot tub. It took me a minute to catch on that he had left a trail of his clothing throughout the house and up the stairs.... This was a bit weird because Maddy was wide awake and needed pj's and a bottle. So, I look around all confused and go upstairs to find my Valentine's Day gift - this lingerie that I had told him I liked when we were out shopping a few weeks ago. Very sweet, except that I'm still pissed off at him, I'm trying to put Maddy to bed and he's outside in the hot tub! Whatever. I put the baby to bed and head outside. I thank him for my gift, and tell him that I was really annoyed at his mom's house. He apologized. And I sat back and enjoyed the hot tub, because I was so tense and mad and my back was killing me.
He got out of the hot tub and went upstairs. I stayed in for a while longer. I put on my lingerie, climbed into bed and fell asleep. It was kinda funny really, but I truly don't think Jerry was very happy. Oh well. I guess the question is why should Valentine's Day really be any different than any other day?
Oh, and what did I get him, you may want to know... I put together a basket with a bottle of wine and a bottle of champagne, some new boxers, a few of his favorite candy bars and a big candle that I knew he would like. When I got home and he was in the hot tub, he was also scarfing down his candy bars!
I ran home from work to finish getting my stampin' stuff ready for tonight, and then was supposed to head over to the in-law's for a family Valentine's dinner (nice and romantic, I know). Well, Jer calls and asks me to stop and pick up a new prescription for him because he's having a gout attack. OK. So, I run to the drug store. They have one of those drive-through's you know, so I pull up into the line. I sat there for 40 minutes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There was a car behind me and a car in front of me and there is no where to go unless you want to go all off-roading and stuff in the grass. So, I sat there fuming. By the time I got to his mom's, everyone was finished eating (including my clueless husband who had no idea why I was so upset). He says, "you can just heat your steak up in the microwave." Jackass.
So, I didn't talk to him for much of the night and spent my time over there playing with the babies. (Oh, and this dinner including cousins, aunts, uncles, grandma the whole bit, EXCEPT for his sister and her husband who left Jenna there and went out to eat at a really nice place where they had reservations!) WTF??
So, anyhow, I get ready to leave with the baby because my grandma asked me to stop over because she had a little gift for Madeline. So, we did.
When we got home, Jerry was in the hot tub. It took me a minute to catch on that he had left a trail of his clothing throughout the house and up the stairs.... This was a bit weird because Maddy was wide awake and needed pj's and a bottle. So, I look around all confused and go upstairs to find my Valentine's Day gift - this lingerie that I had told him I liked when we were out shopping a few weeks ago. Very sweet, except that I'm still pissed off at him, I'm trying to put Maddy to bed and he's outside in the hot tub! Whatever. I put the baby to bed and head outside. I thank him for my gift, and tell him that I was really annoyed at his mom's house. He apologized. And I sat back and enjoyed the hot tub, because I was so tense and mad and my back was killing me.
He got out of the hot tub and went upstairs. I stayed in for a while longer. I put on my lingerie, climbed into bed and fell asleep. It was kinda funny really, but I truly don't think Jerry was very happy. Oh well. I guess the question is why should Valentine's Day really be any different than any other day?
Oh, and what did I get him, you may want to know... I put together a basket with a bottle of wine and a bottle of champagne, some new boxers, a few of his favorite candy bars and a big candle that I knew he would like. When I got home and he was in the hot tub, he was also scarfing down his candy bars!
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
In a New York Minute
So I went to New York City over the weekend. Flew in Friday afternoon, and made it out in the nick of time on Saturday evening. I took my 17-year-old cousin to visit the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn. She is thinking of applying to their really unique writing program. So, we got a room in Greenwich Village at the Washington Square Hotel and then took a taxi to the school on Saturday.
That place is pretty cool, and totally up Rachael's ally. Pratt is primarily an art and design school, so it attracts an interesting crowd. Rach fits right in with the atmosphere, it was almost scary to me how perfect it seems for her. Pratt is like the only school in New York with a real gated campus. It's old, and it surely isn't a "beautiful" campus, but it's at least a real campus and not just buildings scattered throughout the city.
All that aside, I must say even as much as I've traveled in my young life (I've been to Paris, London, Florida and NYC several times already), it is still very stressful. This trip was even more stressful though because of the impending weather and because I was responsible for another human being! Wow. I had knots in my stomach the entire trip - catching cabs, walking around near our hotel, finding the school ok, getting to the airport early enough to know if our flight was delayed or cancelled, worrying about the snowstorm and whether or not we would actually get out of there. Bah. Traveling for work is so much easier. You're not worried about money and you usually have a car service, AND I only have to worry about myself.
Let's just say, I won't be doing that again any time soon.
Oh, and did I mention Rachael had never been on a plane before this trip?
That place is pretty cool, and totally up Rachael's ally. Pratt is primarily an art and design school, so it attracts an interesting crowd. Rach fits right in with the atmosphere, it was almost scary to me how perfect it seems for her. Pratt is like the only school in New York with a real gated campus. It's old, and it surely isn't a "beautiful" campus, but it's at least a real campus and not just buildings scattered throughout the city.
All that aside, I must say even as much as I've traveled in my young life (I've been to Paris, London, Florida and NYC several times already), it is still very stressful. This trip was even more stressful though because of the impending weather and because I was responsible for another human being! Wow. I had knots in my stomach the entire trip - catching cabs, walking around near our hotel, finding the school ok, getting to the airport early enough to know if our flight was delayed or cancelled, worrying about the snowstorm and whether or not we would actually get out of there. Bah. Traveling for work is so much easier. You're not worried about money and you usually have a car service, AND I only have to worry about myself.
Let's just say, I won't be doing that again any time soon.
Oh, and did I mention Rachael had never been on a plane before this trip?
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Feeling a bit Weird
I'm not really sure why or what it is, but this week I have just been in this weird funk. I had a dream the other night about a psycho ex-boyfriend, and ever since I've just been in this weird kind-of "analyzing my life" and my choices kind of thought mode. I think some of it is stemming from my brother and his impending divorce, and I think part of it is because we have been checking out the new house and realizing that we're going to move away from the town where I've grown up and spent nearly all of my life... I don't know.
It's just like I've been thinking about all the things that have happened in my life that define me, that have made me the woman I am today...
The car accident, college, marriage, Maddy, the affair, the identity theft, the jobs I've had, and even more general things like remembering the time I'd spend at home alone after school when my mom worked and I was in like 5th and 6th grade and I'd have to put a frozen dinner in the oven before my mom got home, or remembering when my mom babysat other kids to make extra money, and when I met Jerry in high school and playing high school sports, or how I felt when I was in third grade and didn't want to read out loud when the teacher called on me.
I know this is a weird and rambling post, but it seems all week I've been flooded with memories from the course of my entire life and it's been really weird.
But, here's a good juicy story for you all to enjoy... (I truly think I could make a killing writing made for TV movies).
So the ex-boyfriend dream... The guy's name was Kevin. Jerry and I were broke up at the end of our senior year for a number of reasons, and I was working as a cashier at a grocery in a nearby town. Kevin was the stokeboy in the alcohol dept. (so, yes, I knew he was at least 21). Anyhow, as a result of the breakup with Jerry and the threats he issued to any and all potential dates I had, I did not go to my senior prom. Instead, that weekend, I went to Kent State University with a bunch of guys from work (yes, 3 guys and me all by myself - smart, I know). So, two of the guys I knew pretty well (they were baggers), but Kevin went too, and I had never talked to him. I thought he was really good looking, but way out of my league because he was older. At any rate, I got to know him a little bit on the drive up... Oh yeah, did I mention that those three boys were token it up while we drove up to the school? So, anyhow, we get there and there's all these random college kids I don't know, and we're sitting in this old house and they're rolling joints, and I'm sitting on this bed. And then everyone was gone except Kevin and I (for some reason, I don't remember). And we started talking a little, and he then he kissed out of the blue. That was it... I was in love with the 23 year old pot dealer! Hah! Anyhow, we dated for several months (all the while Jerry was still trying to win me back), and then I went off to school. He came down there a few times to visit me and stuff, but ultimately it ended because I still loved Jer and wanted to be with him instead, but here are a few hi-lights of the short-lived romance:
He smoked pot all the time while driving the car with me.
He had a pager and would make phone calls from the pay phone (this was before the cell phone boom).
He had a safe in his room.
All of his friends were in high school?
We had sex on the pool table in my parents' basement.
He told me he thought that his dead grandmother sent me to him.
He told me he loved me the first night we met.
When I went away to school, he called me constantly to check on me.
He would drive 3 hours to visit me totally out of the blue, all the time.
When I broke up with him, he typed up this scary letter and signed it with some alias "Frank White."
He mailed me a ripped up picture of me that he had written "whore" all over.
He told me that the whole time we dated he was sleeping with some other chick that had bigger boobs than I did.
Yeah, he was 23 and I was 17. He was a drug dealer and a psycho.
He still works at the grocery store (9 years later), and he's dating the customer service chick at Target!
The good that came out of it: I realized how much I loved Jerry, and we haven't been apart since.
It's just like I've been thinking about all the things that have happened in my life that define me, that have made me the woman I am today...
The car accident, college, marriage, Maddy, the affair, the identity theft, the jobs I've had, and even more general things like remembering the time I'd spend at home alone after school when my mom worked and I was in like 5th and 6th grade and I'd have to put a frozen dinner in the oven before my mom got home, or remembering when my mom babysat other kids to make extra money, and when I met Jerry in high school and playing high school sports, or how I felt when I was in third grade and didn't want to read out loud when the teacher called on me.
I know this is a weird and rambling post, but it seems all week I've been flooded with memories from the course of my entire life and it's been really weird.
But, here's a good juicy story for you all to enjoy... (I truly think I could make a killing writing made for TV movies).
So the ex-boyfriend dream... The guy's name was Kevin. Jerry and I were broke up at the end of our senior year for a number of reasons, and I was working as a cashier at a grocery in a nearby town. Kevin was the stokeboy in the alcohol dept. (so, yes, I knew he was at least 21). Anyhow, as a result of the breakup with Jerry and the threats he issued to any and all potential dates I had, I did not go to my senior prom. Instead, that weekend, I went to Kent State University with a bunch of guys from work (yes, 3 guys and me all by myself - smart, I know). So, two of the guys I knew pretty well (they were baggers), but Kevin went too, and I had never talked to him. I thought he was really good looking, but way out of my league because he was older. At any rate, I got to know him a little bit on the drive up... Oh yeah, did I mention that those three boys were token it up while we drove up to the school? So, anyhow, we get there and there's all these random college kids I don't know, and we're sitting in this old house and they're rolling joints, and I'm sitting on this bed. And then everyone was gone except Kevin and I (for some reason, I don't remember). And we started talking a little, and he then he kissed out of the blue. That was it... I was in love with the 23 year old pot dealer! Hah! Anyhow, we dated for several months (all the while Jerry was still trying to win me back), and then I went off to school. He came down there a few times to visit me and stuff, but ultimately it ended because I still loved Jer and wanted to be with him instead, but here are a few hi-lights of the short-lived romance:
He smoked pot all the time while driving the car with me.
He had a pager and would make phone calls from the pay phone (this was before the cell phone boom).
He had a safe in his room.
All of his friends were in high school?
We had sex on the pool table in my parents' basement.
He told me he thought that his dead grandmother sent me to him.
He told me he loved me the first night we met.
When I went away to school, he called me constantly to check on me.
He would drive 3 hours to visit me totally out of the blue, all the time.
When I broke up with him, he typed up this scary letter and signed it with some alias "Frank White."
He mailed me a ripped up picture of me that he had written "whore" all over.
He told me that the whole time we dated he was sleeping with some other chick that had bigger boobs than I did.
Yeah, he was 23 and I was 17. He was a drug dealer and a psycho.
He still works at the grocery store (9 years later), and he's dating the customer service chick at Target!
The good that came out of it: I realized how much I loved Jerry, and we haven't been apart since.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Home & Garden Show
Last night Jer, Maddy and I went to the Home & Garden Show with Jer's sister, her husband and Jenna. It was pretty interesting... Lots of good ideas for decks, fences, pools, hot tubs, etc. Jerry really enjoyed it, I think. Maddy loved seeing all the people there, but her favorite part was the APL booth and seeing the dogs. It made me very sad that we no longer have a puppy for her to love.
The girls were good. We pushed them around in their double stroller, and they were adorable as usual.
I do have to say though that the "theme" for the show this year was Holland, and so there were these windmills everywhere and this weird spot where you could eat Dutch food. It was just odd, and didn't really do much for me. There were tulips everywhere, which were nice, but it just seemed weird. Especially when there are all of these crazy booths like the Kaboom never scrub toilet cleaner, and the one swoop pooper scooper, and all these hideous little tables of porcelain knicknacks and bullshit little decorative crap. It's just a weird mix.
Anyhow, following the show we all went to Olive Garden for dinner. We didn't get to the restaurant until around 8:30. This was dangerous territory, since Madeline is usually in bed by then. She was really good though, and she ate a ton of food. I got soup, and she loved it.
I can't tell you how many times through the course of the night we were asked if the girls were twins. It's funny to watch them interact with each other now. They get so excited to see each other, and they scream back and forth at each other. It's fun to see them getting closer and growing up together.
The girls were good. We pushed them around in their double stroller, and they were adorable as usual.
I do have to say though that the "theme" for the show this year was Holland, and so there were these windmills everywhere and this weird spot where you could eat Dutch food. It was just odd, and didn't really do much for me. There were tulips everywhere, which were nice, but it just seemed weird. Especially when there are all of these crazy booths like the Kaboom never scrub toilet cleaner, and the one swoop pooper scooper, and all these hideous little tables of porcelain knicknacks and bullshit little decorative crap. It's just a weird mix.
Anyhow, following the show we all went to Olive Garden for dinner. We didn't get to the restaurant until around 8:30. This was dangerous territory, since Madeline is usually in bed by then. She was really good though, and she ate a ton of food. I got soup, and she loved it.
I can't tell you how many times through the course of the night we were asked if the girls were twins. It's funny to watch them interact with each other now. They get so excited to see each other, and they scream back and forth at each other. It's fun to see them getting closer and growing up together.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Things that make me happy
I read a blog post today that inspired me to post some things that make me happy...
1. When Maddy gives me that huge smile when I walk in the door from work, and she lowers her head and she crawls as fast as she can to get to me.
2. Getting an unexpected sweet little email from Jerry during the work day.
3. Seeing my dad with Madeline.
4. When Jer says "I love you" totally out of the clear blue.
5. Knowing when I did a really kick ass job at work, and especially hearing it from a big boss type
6. Traveling.
7. Stamping and scrapbooking without worrying about anything else (time alone, dedicated to my hobbies)
8. Sleeping in (especially since it's such a rare occurrence now)
9. Hearing Maddy belly-laugh.
10. Watching Maddy's face when she figures out something new.
11. Hearing her say "mama"
12. Spending time with my dad.
13. Not having to see the PIL anymore.
14. The thought of being pregnant again. I really can't wait until we're ready to try again. I loved being pregnant.
15. Talking with old friends and catching up once in a while, and feeling like nothing has changed even though everything really has.
16. Working in a hospital and seeing the impact that doctors and nurses and the professionals here have on children's lives.
17. Shopping for anything, anytime.
18. Chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream.
19. The Cheesecake Factory.
20. When people read my blog.
Have a good day. What makes you happy?
1. When Maddy gives me that huge smile when I walk in the door from work, and she lowers her head and she crawls as fast as she can to get to me.
2. Getting an unexpected sweet little email from Jerry during the work day.
3. Seeing my dad with Madeline.
4. When Jer says "I love you" totally out of the clear blue.
5. Knowing when I did a really kick ass job at work, and especially hearing it from a big boss type
6. Traveling.
7. Stamping and scrapbooking without worrying about anything else (time alone, dedicated to my hobbies)
8. Sleeping in (especially since it's such a rare occurrence now)
9. Hearing Maddy belly-laugh.
10. Watching Maddy's face when she figures out something new.
11. Hearing her say "mama"
12. Spending time with my dad.
13. Not having to see the PIL anymore.
14. The thought of being pregnant again. I really can't wait until we're ready to try again. I loved being pregnant.
15. Talking with old friends and catching up once in a while, and feeling like nothing has changed even though everything really has.
16. Working in a hospital and seeing the impact that doctors and nurses and the professionals here have on children's lives.
17. Shopping for anything, anytime.
18. Chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream.
19. The Cheesecake Factory.
20. When people read my blog.
Have a good day. What makes you happy?
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