Feeling a bit Weird

I'm not really sure why or what it is, but this week I have just been in this weird funk. I had a dream the other night about a psycho ex-boyfriend, and ever since I've just been in this weird kind-of "analyzing my life" and my choices kind of thought mode. I think some of it is stemming from my brother and his impending divorce, and I think part of it is because we have been checking out the new house and realizing that we're going to move away from the town where I've grown up and spent nearly all of my life... I don't know.

It's just like I've been thinking about all the things that have happened in my life that define me, that have made me the woman I am today...

The car accident, college, marriage, Maddy, the affair, the identity theft, the jobs I've had, and even more general things like remembering the time I'd spend at home alone after school when my mom worked and I was in like 5th and 6th grade and I'd have to put a frozen dinner in the oven before my mom got home, or remembering when my mom babysat other kids to make extra money, and when I met Jerry in high school and playing high school sports, or how I felt when I was in third grade and didn't want to read out loud when the teacher called on me.

I know this is a weird and rambling post, but it seems all week I've been flooded with memories from the course of my entire life and it's been really weird.

But, here's a good juicy story for you all to enjoy... (I truly think I could make a killing writing made for TV movies).

So the ex-boyfriend dream... The guy's name was Kevin. Jerry and I were broke up at the end of our senior year for a number of reasons, and I was working as a cashier at a grocery in a nearby town. Kevin was the stokeboy in the alcohol dept. (so, yes, I knew he was at least 21). Anyhow, as a result of the breakup with Jerry and the threats he issued to any and all potential dates I had, I did not go to my senior prom. Instead, that weekend, I went to Kent State University with a bunch of guys from work (yes, 3 guys and me all by myself - smart, I know). So, two of the guys I knew pretty well (they were baggers), but Kevin went too, and I had never talked to him. I thought he was really good looking, but way out of my league because he was older. At any rate, I got to know him a little bit on the drive up... Oh yeah, did I mention that those three boys were token it up while we drove up to the school? So, anyhow, we get there and there's all these random college kids I don't know, and we're sitting in this old house and they're rolling joints, and I'm sitting on this bed. And then everyone was gone except Kevin and I (for some reason, I don't remember). And we started talking a little, and he then he kissed out of the blue. That was it... I was in love with the 23 year old pot dealer! Hah! Anyhow, we dated for several months (all the while Jerry was still trying to win me back), and then I went off to school. He came down there a few times to visit me and stuff, but ultimately it ended because I still loved Jer and wanted to be with him instead, but here are a few hi-lights of the short-lived romance:

He smoked pot all the time while driving the car with me.
He had a pager and would make phone calls from the pay phone (this was before the cell phone boom).
He had a safe in his room.
All of his friends were in high school?
We had sex on the pool table in my parents' basement.
He told me he thought that his dead grandmother sent me to him.
He told me he loved me the first night we met.
When I went away to school, he called me constantly to check on me.
He would drive 3 hours to visit me totally out of the blue, all the time.
When I broke up with him, he typed up this scary letter and signed it with some alias "Frank White."
He mailed me a ripped up picture of me that he had written "whore" all over.
He told me that the whole time we dated he was sleeping with some other chick that had bigger boobs than I did.

Yeah, he was 23 and I was 17. He was a drug dealer and a psycho.

He still works at the grocery store (9 years later), and he's dating the customer service chick at Target!

The good that came out of it: I realized how much I loved Jerry, and we haven't been apart since.