"Baby-Making"

So the "baby-making" is not quite going as planned... You see the ovulation factor is a little off. According to every calculator I can find on the internet and the chart in the ovulation kit box, I should've ovulated sometime between Thursday and yesterday. Well, no such luck. At least according to my temperature monitoring and the predictor tests. I think, if I'm reading the test right, that today is the day. So, we'll try tonight and see what happens.

I don't know. Of course for years and years and even recent months the cycle was pretty much like clockwork. The last two months though have been really long cycles, so who knows what's going on and why I'm ovulating so late. Bah. So damn annoying.

Jerry and I had this really hilarious conversation about this whole process the other night, but it all came after a big fight.

I was extremely pissed at him on Sunday because he decided that on Sunday he was going to have his whole family weigh-in on their thoughts about us having another baby. He proceeded to tell them that it was the "time" for us and embarass the shit out of me. So, then we had everyone offering to keep Maddy and all this BS. I was so mad.

Anyhow, the gist of it all was that he's excited about this "project" and he really does want to have another baby. You see, when we got home Sunday, I told him to forget the whole thing because I didn't want to push the issue with him. He said there are three things I should know, 1. He really does want another baby. 2. He's not going to fight it because he knows I'll just pout until I get my way, which I always do. 3. All he really wants is for me to be happy, and if I think it's the right time and it's what I want, then he's on board.

Ahhh.... So, if I could just get my cycle on track and really ovulate and make a baby, I'd be in heaven!

Counting Down the Minutes

So, this week I'm becoming obsessed with the baby planning situation because my most fertile days are slated for Thursday - Tuesday. I have started tracking my temp., and will start the ovulation tests tomorrow morning. I am counting down the minutes to ovulation, because I am so excited to officially start "trying."

When we were trying to have Maddy I kept a journal from the month before conception through birth, and have started doing the same this time.

Jerry of course knows none of this, and I plan to keep it that way. He wants no part of the obsessive planner Mandy that emerges when there is a goal at hand...

Please note - I will not become hysterically upset if this does not happen right away. I would be happy with a baby due date anytime in the spring/early summer, so anytime in the next few months would be great. Now, that is not to say that I wouldn't be completely ecstatic if it happens right away, but there is no need to fret if it takes a little longer than it did with Maddy.

The last time I was all freaked out about how old Maddy would be before we had to leave her with Jer's mom, and how that whole scenario would play out, but now that I know how things are and will be, I'm much more comfortable on the whole topic. She's been really great about playing by my rules and respecting my place as "mom."

Now, I'd like to kill Jerry's grandma sometimes, because she drives me up the fucking wall - no joke. Whenever a baby is upset, she thinks they need to eat. She's constantly telling me what "Maddy wants," yogurt, some more fruit, milk, cheesy potatoes. It's crazy. She thinks because she sees them a few times a week she knows them better than SIL or I do, which is nuts. We just do our best to tune her out...

So this weekend is prime conception time, and of course, it's another busy weekend. Friday night we have some friends coming over, and Saturday we are going to Columbus to visit my friend and her twin girls.

Action-Packed Weekend

TGIF! This week has just dragged on and on... Anyhow, despite the slow week I know that the weekend is going to fly by! Tonight I am going to see the Wicked musical. We've got dress circle seats (the best you can get) and I'm super excited about it! Jer is NOT going. I wouldn't dream of wasting something like that on him - he has no appreciation for the arts. My mom, grandma, cousin and my Uncle Mark are going with me. We're going out to dinner first and then to the show. Tomorrow Jer and I are going to a wedding - stamping customer of mine and co-worker of Jerry. Probably going to be pretty upity-up wedding. We'll see. Sunday not much going on, but I might make my mom go see The Devil Wears Prada with me. I really want to see it; however, I also want to spend some time with Maddy because I'm not going to see her very much the rest of the weekend. Might have to postpone the movie until next week.

Oh well, I'm heading off to eat lunch. Have a great weekend!

Damn Crabby

Today I am damn crabby. I don't really know why, but I do know the things that I want to bitch about that are bothering me because I'm crabby...

The tone of voice my husband has taken to using with me lately. Can't stand it. He needs to stop - I am not one of his students and I am not his servant and I am not going to tolerate this shitty demanding tone anymore! Bah!

I want to be pregnant again. Really bad. Every freakin' bone in my body is screaming at me that we're ready. Now, I need this never-ending period to GO AWAY. Day 5 and there is no end in site. Bah! I want to be ovulating already. I've got this little ovulation predictor kits all ready and waiting to go. The days aren't going fast enough, and I know I'm going to freak out if it doesn't happen right away. And spare me the speech about this - I know the drill. I just don't have any patience - never have and probably never will. August would actually be a better month to get pregnant, but I want another baby NOW. (Flashes of that song in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with that lunatic girl and her dad and the golden egg thing - yeah, I'm feeling a little like that today).

I'm not going to get to see Madeline after tonight until Sunday! Bah! Tomorrow night is her grandma night with my mom, and then Friday night Jer will have her while I go see Wicked, and then Saturday night my mom is keeping her again because we have a wedding to go to. This makes me sad, because she is so darn fun and adorable and sweet.
SIDE STORY: Saturday night we were hanging out at my mom's and then Maddy went to sleep in the pack and play, and I stayed a lot longer. I was just going to leave her there, but I couldn't do it. My heart wouldn't let me. I wanted to make her breakfast in the morning and take her morning nap with her, so I woke her up and loaded her up and took her home. Gotta love those mommy instincts!

Oh well, I better get my crabby self back to work! Hope you have a better day than I'm having!

The Insane Month of June

So I know it's been a while since I've posted anything, but I have to tell you that June is always the most insane month of the year for me... Our anniversary, my mom's birthday, Father's Day, my birthday, graduation parties, family reunion, end of the stamping year, etc. And of course, this year has been no different. Things have been nuts, but good.

Our anniversary was ok. He didn't get me a card or anything, but he did tell me to go get the pedicure I've been telling him I desperately needed. We went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner, which was great, and we had a couple of really nice nights alone (while my mom had Madeline).

This past weekend was our family reunion... Now here's where the fun posting begins... So it all started on Friday night with a trip to a local winery. Now, I don't know how many of you out there would ever consider bringing young children to a winery, but trust me when I tell you this was not a good idea. I was smart and had Madeline spend the night at my MIL's, but my uncle brought my cousin and my other uncle brought his two grandchildren, and the beautiful view and delicious wine were really not at all as enjoyable with them running around asking when it was time to go home. The other bad part of the evening was that my one cousin was running the show - planned this little outing. Didn't order the pizza ahead of time, didn't bring any plates/silverware for the pizza, didn't bring any cheese or anything, and didn't reserve tables ahead of time. Oh, and she brought cheesecake but not enough for everyone. Please tell me how people can be so bad at planning events?! So, ok, fine. I head home, and I'm all sleeping and everything when the phone rings at 2:30 in the morning - those late night phone calls are NEVER EVER good.

Yeah, it was the State Highway Patrol. My brother, you know the luckiest guy in the world, got a DUI. They were calling my house because my dad had spent the night with us (while my mom stayed with her cousins to help set up for the reunion activities on Saturday). Well, long story short, my brother's car got towed and they spent much of Saturday tracking it down and getting it home. My brother cannot drive for 15 days (he went to court on Monday). He plead not guilty - there's actually some controversy around the ticket and he's got a lawyer and the whole bit - and now he's waiting for another court date. On top of all that, he's got a staff infection on one side of his face and on his ass! Imagine that. The doctor told him it's stress-related. Poor guy. So, Jerry's been helping drive him to and from work this week. Totally sucks.

So, back to the reunion... Saturday was a big luau picnic day. Really nice park and pretty fun, EXCEPT Madeline decided to get sick and have "poop through her clothes every 5 seconds" diarrhea and something at the park set on an allergy attack for me so bad that we had to leave because I couldn't breathe. Nice.

So, Sunday was pretty uneventful - brunch, said good-byes and celebrated Father's Day.

Then, Monday morning at about 5 a.m. I woke up to take some Tums for what I thought was massive heartburn. Turns out Jerry was downstairs and had been up all night feeling nauseous also. About 20 minutes later, we were both in separate bathrooms puking our guts out. Puking turned to shitting, which turned into feeling like someone ran us over with a mac truck, which turned into drenched with sweat fevers and chills, which turned to a headache, which turned us back to our normal selves. We were both sick for two days. Turns out that nasty stomach bug had also hit one of my cousins at the same time, and then within 24 hours of our first bout of puking, my niece, my sister-in-law, my mother-in-law, my brother-in-law, my mom, two more cousins, and Jer's cousin all had contracted the vicious virus. Once again, nice.

So, when I returned to work yesterday, after being out for 2 days, my damn phonemail doesn't work - it says my extension is invalid. So, I call the lady that is supposed to fix this problem is on vacation. So, I spent the first hour of my day tracking down some guy who proceeds to tell me that my phonemail was erased. So, I have to re-set it all up and I have no idea who called while I was out. Nice.

To top off this lovely post, I will tell you that this weekend is my birthday and do you know how I get to spend it? Well, we are leaving tomorrow at 6 a.m. to drive for 8 hours in the car with both Madeline and Jenna to North Carolina so we can sleep in a hotel room with my SIL and BIL and Jenna to be there on Saturday for Jer's cousin's graduation party and then spend another night in the hotel to turn around and drive 8 hours home on Sunday (my actual birthday). Oh, and then when we get home, I have to run up to the softball field and play 2 games for BIL's co-ed team because they won't have enough girls. Nice. Happy fucking birthday.

I hope you all are having a much more enjoyable June than I!

Random Thoughts

Well, this week on Thursday is our four year wedding anniversary. It's amazing to me how much has changed in that time. This week four years ago, Jerry and I were living in my parents old basement waiting for our first house to be completed. We were running around preparing for the wedding. I was so confident in our relationship and so sure that everything was perfect between us. We took those vows and I just thought that was it - everything would be great. Ha! I had no idea how much we would have to fight to get to this point and all the things we would go through in such a short amount of time. I'm glad though, because we're stronger for it, and it is totally the nature of our relationship - wise beyond our years and taking the fast track to everything.

We're supposed to go out on Friday to celebrate. I have no idea where/what we're doing, but hopefully it will be something nice.

Maddy has a bad cough and is sick. Poor baby.

It's Jer's last week of school. He'll be home with Maddy starting Monday. Big switch in the routine... We'll see.

I joined a gym. I've been there 3 times (last week), and will be going four days a week from now on.

Gotta run to work.

Friends

Jerry's college roommate (DS) is one of my best friends. He and his wife are so amazing, and we have so much fun with them. We never told them about the affair and/or what we were going through during that time. I didn't want to tell DS for fear of ruining his friendship with Jer (knowing full-well that DS would go ballistic on Jer for what he did), but for some odd reason DS and I started emailing back and forth today and it kind-of came out. I think it's a good thing he knows, and that it's been so long now that it's hard to really get too upset about it, but DS and I have become really good friends lately, and I've wanted him to know for a while now. I think partly because DS has always been really good about reminding Jerry of how good he has it and telling me how great I am (which always makes me feel really good), and I think that it's good for Jer to hear that once in a while.

Jerry is really bad about romance and compliments and all those lovey-dovey things that girls adore, and that's fine. He's been that way the entire time I've known him, but what happens when you don't do those things AND you cheat, you create an incredibly negative situation. DS and his wife have always made Jer and I feel really good. We love going out with them, and we have so much fun with them, and we saw them yesterday and so DS and I started emailing about some future dates for us to get together and the conversation just turned in a weird direction about the way Jerry takes me for granted. I'm not sure how I feel about it all in retrospect... It's weird.

Bottom line - I absolutely adore DS and am super-glad for his friendship and I think he just might help me give Jerry a good swift kick-in-the-ass to try a little harder.

Mommy's Day and other stuff

So my Mommy's Day was rather nice... Jerry bought the carpet and lights for my stamp room for me, and he put it all in already. I'm really excited to get that set up and done. My mom got me an outfit, my in-law's gave me flowers and Bath & Body Works stuff. I spent all day on Saturday with Maddy and had a nice "family day." Then we went to dinner with the in-law's Saturday night. Sunday, we hung out at my grandma's house and had a great dinner with everyone. All in all a great weekend.

This one is shaping up to be a good one, too. Oh wait, back up a second. Forgot to mention that the stupid psychobitch sent my grandma a Mother's Day card to her work! Yeah, wrote all this BS in it about how she's keeping herself busy and all that. What the fuck ever! Like she has any right to be communicating with my poor innocent grandmother! Oh, she has some nerve. I've been debating all week about sending her a bitchy email, but I think it's best if I just don't even let her know she's still pissing me off...

Anyhow, this weekend, we are going to go out downtown tonight and have a little fun with some friends and then tomorrow we are supposed to take Maddy to the zoo (weather-permitted). Should be good.

This week has been extremely hectic. So happy for the weekend.

Gotta run and do some work now. Have a great weekend, all.

The Letters I Write... In My Head

So I find myself writing these letters in my head, the ones I wish I could actually write on paper and send in the mail or at the very least draft into an email... They are all to the psychobitch, and they are all pretty much the same in nature, and there is one thought just always comes to mind...

I take great comfort in knowing that she will eventually burn in hell.

I'm totally not kidding or meaning that in any other sense beside the literally meaning. I know that she will suffer eternal damnation, and I honestly couldn't be happier about it.

When you collectively look at all the sins she has committed and all the people that she has hurt along the way, I truly believe there is no forgiveness that great.

And you know, I'm a Christian. I believe that Jesus died for our sins and all of that; however, I think there comes a time when enough is enough and when you are not living your life as a Christian and at least making an effort not to intentionally hurt people and not to cause pain, and there has to be a point when you're just beyond redemption. I believe that she has reached that point, and sadly, she's only 25 years old.

Looking back... she's had an abortion, she's stolen money, she's committed numerous felonies, she's lied, she's cheated, she slept with a married man, she tried to kill her step dad, and aside from actually murdering someone, I truly don't think there is anything worse she can do. And the worst part of it all, the part that truly assures me she is going to hell, is that she isn't even sorry about any of it!?

Bah. I get so angry and worked up when I think of her.

When I'm not writing the nasty letters in my head, I'm daydreaming about literally beating the shit out of her.

I think it may be time to see a shrink...

Madeline & Mommy

So I just can't seem to get enough of my baby girl these days. I just want to hold her and play with her, and it's all I think about while I'm at work. I think it's partly because she is just too much fun - she cracks me up with the little games she's figured out and how she's learning to tell me just exactly what it is that she wants. She's also learned what "time out" means, and she walks by her little "time out" chair shaking her head "no." Every night she gets this little burst of energy before bed time and she runs around shreaking with delight and laughing, and she jumps up and down and does her "monkey" sound. She wants to read all of her books over and over again. She's so sweet and so much fun.

She and I took a bath together in our big tub on Sunday night, and she just wanted to lay on me and give me hugs. It was probably one of the best moments of motherhood I've ever had.

This desire to hold her and play so much with her is really making me want another baby to share all of this with. Jerry and I are both ready, but we're going to wait until mid-summer to start trying. We'd both really like another spring baby. I really can't wait to be pregnant again.

Being a mom is the most amazing thing in the entire world, and I never imagined it was possible to love something/someone as much as I love Maddy. It's just so hard to even describe, and the happiness she brings to my life is just too much for words!

LeBron James

I meant to post about this yesterday, but never got the time...

Saturday was the Cavs first play-off game since 1998, and well, my boss gave me two tickets to the game in Clear Channel's loge with parking.

It was probably one of the best sporting events I have ever witnessed. (Speaking of witnessed, everyone that came to the game got a Nike T-shirt that said "Witness," with a swoosh underneath.)

Now, I wanted to post about LeBron James because I went into this game kind-of feeling indifferent about him, thinking he was probably just another cocky basketball player, and I have to admit I was extremely surprised by what I saw.

You could tell that he was extremely pumped up about this game, and you could feel his energy in there - he was proud to be in Cleveland and he addressed the crowd with such enthusiasm. It was truly awesome to watch. Seeing the way he interacted with his teammates, and the way he playfully bounces around in preparation for the game. It was amazing, and I have a new found respect for the young b-ball star.

I am rooting for him now - not just to continue on in the play-offs, but I think he deserves the MVP title from the NBA. For as young as he is, to portray such sportsmanship and to really play the part of a role model and instill fun into a professional sport, it is amazing and an incredible asset to their organization.

What do you think about him?

Maddy Update

Madeline is officially 13 months old today. Here are a few things she's doing these days:

She now can answer questions with yes or no nods, but the yes nod involves moving her entire body. It's hysterical!

She's eating like a little piggy - she loves french fries and ketchup. But she's not really a picky eater - she eats a lot of fruits and veggies (bananas and blueberries are her favorites).

She's learning how to run, especially when you're chasing after her.

She knows how to hide - in the closet, in the corner of a room, under a blanket. She cracks up laughing when you find her.

She's 100% bottle-free and loves her "cups."

She can dance - it looks a little like a combination of the chicken dance and a squatting exercise, but it's cute nonetheless.

She absolutely loves two shows on Playhouse Disney - Little Einsteins and Charlie and Lola (yes, we DVR them so she can watch them repeatedly). Although, she doesn't sit and watch TV - she wanders around playing and every once in a while she'll stop to pay attention. She can do the Little Einsteins' "pat, pat, pat, pat... Blastoff!" thing though, and that is priceless.

She can say "Daddy," "Ball," "Bubbles," "Nemo," "Mom," "Papa," "Hi," and a few other words.

She also learned how to "blow" things when they are hot and can "blow out" the candles on a cake (she learned this just a couple of weeks too late!)

She absolutely adores books and flashcards. She wants to read books all the time and brings them to Jerry and I to read to her without prompting. With the flashcards, when we put a few out in front of her she can point to the right ones when we ask, "Which one is the ducky?" or "Where is the bike?" (The cards are first words, objects.)

When people come to see the new house, and we're on the "tour," she walks them into her bathroom and makes sure they follow her in while she points to her "fishy" shower curtain. Then, she will walk out, and make sure they follow her into her bedroom where she tries to rope them into reading books with her. It's too funny.

When she's hungry, she'll go stand by her high chair and point at it. If you ask her if she's hungry, she does the "whole body shake" yes nod.

Anyhow, I think I've rambled on enough. Can you tell I miss her today? I'm happy I have her all to myself tonight - Jerry is going to the Tribe game.

Ready for the Weekend

I'm so happy it's Friday and that I have the weekend now to get some stuff finished up at the house. Jerry actually took today off and his dad is also off and is coming over to help him put in our two ceiling fans. He's also moving our washer and dryer around, hanging a towel bar and going back to the old house to do some cleaning - or so he says. We will see how much really gets done.

Last night was our second "Maddy sleeps at grandma and grandpa's every Thursday," and it was nice. We went to Applebee's for dinner and then to Home Depot for some more crap. Came home and just hung out on the couch for a while and went to bed.

My mom is taking Maddy to visit my great-grandma (yes, Maddy's great-great grandma) today. I'm really happy about that. I have been so bad about making the trip to visit her, and she couldn't come to Maddy's birthday party because she was sick. She was so upset that she missed it, she actually cried. She is such a sweet lady, and she still lives by herself and does everything on her own. Her house is the cleanest house I have ever seen.

Then tonight my grandparents are coming over to see the house, and my parents are coming too, so my dad can hang some more curtains and pictures for me. (Jerry won't let anyone else do it because my dad is so precise and particular with it and does such a good job.)

Anyhow, I've got to get through the day of work first, but I am so ready for the weekend!

Stolen from Another Blogger

I stole this from Mandajuice. Things my husband does that annoy me...

Stays at his mom's house after school every day long enough to time it perfectly to arrive home at the same time I do - thus, never being alone with his daughter and having to change her diaper.

Asks me what I want for dinner, which is never what he wants, and then gets upset because I "never make a decision."

Gets upset when I spend $7 on a shirt at Kohl's, but buys a big screen TV the same day.

Waits until I'm all comfy in bed to decide that he needs to turn on every light in our bedroom to find clothes to wear to work the next day.

Leaves a cup in our bathroom every night, in case he wakes up and needs a drink, but never empties the cup or takes it down stairs the next morning.

Brushes his teeth in the shower.

Eats lunch/dinner food for breakfast, especially if we have leftovers from a restaurant. Fajitas at 7:30 a.m. is disgusting.

He doesn't like dessert, which means if I ever order dessert I look like a big cow and he always laughs about it and points it out (jokingly of course, but still).

The worst thing of all though is when he knows Maddy needs something (her binky, a cup, a snack or whatever) he just always says "Hey Mand, give her FILL IN THE BLANK," he NEVER EVER just gets it for her!!! Bah.

Anyhow, enough grumbling. He is a pretty good husband most of the time - he does his own laundry and cleans up his own messes, he cooks and cleans and all. So, can't complain too much...

Officially Moved

We are officially moved into our new house. We signed the papers last week, and rented the big truck on Friday. Everything we ordered has been delivered and all the clothes are in the closet. Ahhhhh.... Big sigh. Now, we just have to finish hanging up the curtains and pictures, and get the den set up. It looks really nice, and I'm so excited to be in the new house. Of course we have those infamous pieces of "blue tape," where little things need fixed, but for the most part, I'm pretty happy with everything.

I think our overall decor choices were good. I think some things are a bit "trendy," but it looks pretty cool. We've got several of those "leaning" bookshelves going on. Love them. They are my favorite. I spent a lot of time shopping for fun stuff to put on them.

Now, I just need to find some curtains for the formal living room and the den, and I should be set. Good thing too, because the bank accounts are definitely feeling the move.

I'll post some pictures as soon as I've got our computer hooked up at home and can download them from the camera.

Have a good day!

Spots

Poor Madeline is covered head to toe with red spots. When Maddy went for her 1 year check-up they gave her the MMR vaccine, and apparently about 6-12 days after the shot they can develop the rash. Yep, Maddy's got the icky rash. It doesn't itch her or anything, and she's totally her happy self, but she's absolutely covered in spots.

Today is my mom's first official "Grandma Friday." She's now only working four days a week and will be watching Maddy every Friday. She actually picked Maddy up yesterday after work and kept her overnight.

Jerry and I sort-of enjoyed the night without her, but I gotta tell you that moving and packing and still working things out on the offer on our current home is not exactly an environment for a happy couple/blissful marriage. I was extremely crabby when I got home yesterday just because we still have so much to do, and what does he do as soon as my mom walks out the door? Plops his ass in the recliner to watch ESPN.

He says, "Are you gonna stamp Maddy's thank you notes so you can pack up the stamp room?" (He never took his eyes off the TV, and I was already in the middle of stamping.)

I say, "I'm starving. What are we doing for dinner?"

"I don't know. Whatever you want, but I don't have any money."

"Well, we can't eat here. You already packed up all the pots and pans and everything."

"Wherever you want."

"I don't have money either."

He just sits there watching TV, while I have a monstrous headache because I'm hungry and getting crabbier that he's just sitting there watching TV.

Finally, he gets his ass up and puts on a decent shirt and we decide on Mr. Hero (yes, I know what a nutritious dinner). Then, we went to Home Depot. Spent two hours there (no joke). We ordered a ceiling fan and bought a new sink for the new house.

Yeah, Jer hates the sink that comes with the new house. It is really shallow and cheap-looking. So we bought this $220 black slate sink to put in.

This purchase was made by the same man who gave me shit about buying Madeline shoes that properly fit. Insane.

So, when we got home, I finished Maddy's cards and then we spent one of the last few nights possible in our hot tub. That was nice, and was the only thing that finally made my damn headache go away.

Oh well, I better get crackin'. I need to also call and check on the spotted baby Madeline.

Home Improvement Stores

So what the hell is about home improvement stores that makes them the most complicated places in the entire world to find what you need quickly?

We freaking spent 2 1/2 hours at Lowe's last night, and all we left there with was a garage door opener and two packs of overhead light covers. We wanted a ceiling fan there too, but it would've been a special order and taken us another two freaking hours.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, spending nearly 3 hours in Lowe's with a 1 year old little girl IS NOT FUN. Don't get me wrong, she was very well behaved (especially considering we spent two hours at Sears the night before buying a new washer and dryer), but how many times can you push the cart down the paint color aisle and play the "color" game with her? Ya know? It was insane, because we had to wait in every dept. for the right person to come and help us, while every time we drove by the check out lines there were like 80 cashiers standing at the end of the register smiling and waiting for the next customer?! Crazy! I've decided there are always available cashiers because the average trip into one of those stores last 2.24 hours!!!

Blah.

On a happy note, I mentioned we went to Sears on Monday. Well, that's in the mall, so we also took Madeline to see the Easter Bunny. She absolutely loved him. She laughed and waived at him, and she didn't want to get down. She even gave him a kiss good-bye. Too sweet!

"The Other Party"

Just a quick re-cap of the "other" baby girl's first birthday party...

They had like 100 too many people in their house. It was crowded and hot and there were tons and tons of kids running around.

My poor niece wanted nothing to do with her cake, so everyone kept trying to stick her hands and her face in it, and she just looked around the room, like "WTF?"

There were so many gifts, and J-J got cranky and mad and wanted to stop about half way through.

There was a ton of food, but here's the weird kicker... The girl had 4 freaking cakes! One big daisy cake (went with the theme of the party), a free cake from the grocery store?, a little cake for her, and a homemade bear cake with matching daisy cupcakes! It was crazy! On top of all that cake, there were pastries and cookies and oh my gosh way too much crap!!!!

So, not there was a "competition" per se, but I do believe we had a landslide victory in the first birthday category!

A little weird

I think I mentioned a few posts ago that my brother is now dating someone new. Now, I need to preface this with the "I am really happy he is moving on with his life." BUT, I am having a hard time adjusting to all of this. You see the new chick is older than I am, and she has a four year old daughter. She's divorced, but the guy she was married to was not the father of her little girl. She's incredibly sweet and nice, she's mildly cute; however, I think I have a big problem with her because she talks to me like she's "older/wiser" or something. It's annoying. Like at Maddy's party, she kept talking to me about her daughter's party and what it's like as they get older and how she has this fish tank already and blah blah blah. I was bothered. I think I'm bothered by her and the fact that she is older and does have an older child because in my family I am the oldest sibling, the oldest grandchild, etc. and Madeline is the first grandchild/great-grandchild. And with Jerry's family, we're going through everything the same time with Wendy and Jenna. It's just weird for me to hear someone trying to tell me what it's like to be a mom or how it will be as she gets older... I don't know, and I think I have big issues because I really don't trust her, and I barely even know her. I think because of all the shit Tracy put me through it is going to be really hard for me to even attempt to make friends with another girl in his life.

And like I told Jerry last night, as much as I want to move on and forget the Tracy bullshit, it is never ever going to completely go away. Just yesterday afternoon, I had to do a conference call with our new mortgage people and MBNA to confirm the fraudulent shit on my credit report and the fact that the entire account - from application to finally closing the account - was fraudulent. Bah. There are sometimes I just wish I could hunt down that bitch and make her pay, but then it's just like you know what, I don't care anymore. Whatever.

My brother called me last night wanting me to press charges and send her to jail and whatever, but I do not want to put myself or my family through anymore shit because of her. I just can't.

At any rate, it is a little weird for me having this new chick around. I'm not a fan. At least, not yet. I don't know if I ever really will be, but we'll see.

Did I tell you how they met? Yeah, when my brother went to the psycho hospital, she was the nurse from our doctor's office that walked him over to the ER, and then when he went back to the dr. to follow-up about his meds and stuff, she gave him her number. Hmmm... What do you all think about this? Am I just being overly protective and defensive?

Ranting - Bitch Session

So, I'm incredibly crabby today. Crabby because Jerry pissed me off last night with his "master in command" attitude and barking out orders to me. And then he gets all mad because I didn't want to go in the hot tub with him - well, gee, it would be nice to be asked instead of told. Crabby because my blackberry got all screwed up for some reason and I spent an hour this morning on the tech support line and with our IT guy trying to get it fixed. Crabby because Madeline is being really whiney this week, and she's rebelling against the transition to sippy cups only (no more bottles). Crabby because I'm due for my period in two days. Crabby because I have to pack up all of my stamping shit and it's going to take me freaking forever! Crabby because we got totally screwed by a prepayment penalty on our mortgage for the old house. Crabby because I have to bake stupid ass cut out cookies for Jenna's birthday party this weekend. Crabby because I haven't started Maddy's thank you notes from her birthday party yet. Bah. I am just crabby.

My Life is Pure Insanity

So a lot has happened in the course of a couple of weeks...

Most important thing - my brother is officially divorced from the bitch.

Weirdest thing - he's dating a new chick, she's a nurse at our doctor's office. She's got a really outgoing personality, but I think things are moving way TOO FAST.

Best thing - he got a great new job. Selling sports equipment - totally perfect for him.

Other things: I went to D.C. for three days for work and enjoyed a really great conference. Got a few offers on the house, which we are playing against each other now. The new house has flooring (carpet and wood) and it's looking really great. I had two kick-ass stamping events.

TODAY - I got the biggest placement I've ever gotten in my PR career. An article in USA Today. (I'd link to it, but you'd learn too much information about me if I did). The story went everywhere - and I am getting some great kudos here. Feels pretty good.

This Weekend - It's Maddy's first birthday tomorrow!!!!!!! I just want to cry. I cannot believe how fast this year has gone. We are having dinner tomorrow night with just the grandparents, and then the big party on Sunday. I have a million errands to run tonight, and I'm going to try to sneak out of here a little bit early, we'll see. I'll post some pictures next week. Oh yeah, because she's getting her new pictures taken tomorrow afternoon.

I took Monday off, Maddy has a dr. appointment, but I really just wanted to spend the day with her, enjoying her new toys and hanging out.

After this crazy week, I am so ready for relaxation, but with the party and all, that's definitely not happening until Monday! Bah!

Oh well, back to the grind so I can get the hell out of here.

Hardest Thing I've Ever Done...

OK, so for those of you that know me personally, you know that I've always been a bit of an over-achiever. Finishing my B.A. a whole year early, M.A. in just three semesters, the best of the best, always. I've always had this huge fear of being average.

Now, this does not pertain to my appearance in any way. I'm not one of those girls you see and think "Oh my God, I want to be her." I need to lose like 30 pounds, and when I'm not at work I'm sporting jeans and a sweatshirt.

I'm a mildly trendy girl, you know, when it comes to clothes and things, and I do pay attention to the "rules" of common fashion.

However, I have to say that I've noticed something about myself since I've joined the "working mom" club...

I used to really care about what I was wearing, all the time. What shoes I was wearing, the accessories. Everything. I bought a new pair of shoes like every other day, and I was all about my wardrobe.

I was totally focused on myself, aside from Jer, and very career-driven.

Now, Madeline has truly rocked my world. And I know this because of the evidence in my closet... I have not purchased any clothing items for myself in several weeks. The only shoes I've purchased in the last month were a pair to wear to a wedding. My wardrobe is cleanly divided into "work clothes" and "mommy clothes."

When I am not at work, I am wearing one of the three pairs of jeans that fit me and some variety of sweatshirt.

It is March, and I have not even looked at the spring fashions at the stores.

I must say though that the fashion part does not bother me in the least. Whatever. You know, when I'm out and about on the weekends, I get drooled on and milk spilled on and whatever else Maddy flings or spits my way, and I'm happy about it.

However, this work thing and switching to this "working mom" status is by far the hardest thing I've ever done. It wasn't so bad at the old job, because it was really routine and not too demanding, but this new job has really forced me to face the fact that I really can't have everything all the time.

This post is coming from the fact that I will be here today for 12 hours, and I won't get home until my baby is in bed. I'm nauseous at the thought of this. Last night, I only got to play with her for an hour. Tomorrow night, I won't see her at all either. Now, I must say that this is totally not typical, and this week is an exception and I have known this was coming for a while now; however, that does not make it any easier. I will come away from this week with a stronger hold in my career, but with a huge amount of guilt over the lack of time spent with Maddy. I know that I will be struggling with this guilt for many many years to come. That struggle is incredibly hard, and I salute each and every one of us that faces this battle every day.

I know that for me, working is not a choice. We need our income to maintain our comfortable lifestyle... Sure, we could get by on Jer's salary, but I couldn't go shopping or take Maddy everywhere on the weekends. So, that part, I recognize is a choice. However, if we were to go to a one-income household, in reality, it would more likely be Jer that stayed home. I make more money than he does, and my job/career is something we have invested more money and time into than his.

I guess, I'm just venting a little because this week is so stressful, and in two weeks I will have to leave Maddy for two whole nights and three whole days for an out of town busy trip. The guilt couldn't be any further ahead in the fight these days, but I'm trying, and I know in the end Madeline will admire me for my contributions to society and our community, and it will teach her to be a strong woman. I know that I did benefit from having a working mom, and I admire my mom for her sacrifices for our family. Those thoughts are what get me through these days.

Blogging Slacker

I know I've been a slacker lately, but things have been crazier than ever before! With the whole brother's-gone-crazy fiasco, I've been dealing with a lot of things at home, and work was completely horrible last week, and stamping has been insanely busy, and I just can't believe I have this much going on in my life! Wow.

And, as if my family needs more drama....

Saturday night, Jer's cousin that lives with his parents (it's more like his little brother, really) was in a serious car accident. A girl was killed, and another girl was life-flighted and had to have major surgery, and another boy was admitted to the hospital over night with some pretty bad injuries. Jer's cousin and his best friend (the driver) weren't hurt that bad. His friend had only had his license for like a month, and the group of them had gone out for ice cream. They were driving on this curvy back road, and he didn't swurve quite right and was going too fast. He lost control of the car, and it flipped three times. Jer's cousin is pretty beat up from the seatbelt and his neck is hurting pretty bad, but I think he's just so torn up emotionally that he doesn't know what to do or say. Poor kid.

Yeah, and then my brother moved into his own apartment over the weekend. He's living with my recently divorced uncle. It's a bit awkward for him, but he's glad to be out of my parents' hair. He's got two job interviews today. I really hope they go well. He seriously needs to get a job right away.

I think that Christopher is hanging in there, but the more I thought about it, the more I was sympathizing with him. Looking at his stuff while we unpacked over the weekend, it was like every piece of clothing and furniture and everything brought back some memory of her for me, so I can't imagine how it must be for him.

Oh yeah, and I guess she told Christopher's psychologist that she is seeing someone else. Nice. What a bitch ya know. She really ruined my brother's life, and she truly doesn't care.

Anyhow, back to work. I'll post more this week, I promise.

Even harder...

It's really scary that I wrote that post last week, and now I have to share that my brother ended up in a state mental hospital. On Thursday, when he went to the doctor, he told them how he was feeling and because he was having suicidal thoughts they would not let him leave. They evaluated him in the ER (in a room with two cops sitting outside of it), and then transported him by ambulance to the mental hospital. He's supposed to be getting out today, and he's doing better, but holy crap what a weekend!

My mom was a crying hysterical mess most of the time. I had to actually interact with the psycho bitch again. My dad was just pissed off, and Jerry didn't know what to do at all.

My brother just really couldn't let her go. Eventually she came in to see him, because he asked her to, and he wanted her to tell him that it was over, and she did. It seemed to help him a lot. He's now seeing, really for the first time, how much she changed him and how much shit he put up with from her. He listened to all of us explain how we felt about the situation and the way we've felt through this whole process. He was surprisingly calm and optimisitic (much of it I think due to the drugs they're giving him), but he really asked for our help in getting better. He needs to stay busy and get out and do things. He wants to spend time with everyone again.

He really wants to talk to Jerry. Jer wouldn't go to see him last night. He's a little weirded out by it all and feeling really guilty, because he feels partially responsible for Christopher being there (and in reality he is), and he's struggling with that a bit.

Christopher is supposed to be coming over for dinner one night this week just to talk and hang out. He really wants to re-establish his friendship with Jer. I hope that happens, and I hope that they both learn how to communicate with each other better.

At any rate - the place where he's staying is truly insane and gross. My mom sobbed at the thought of him staying there at all. He couldn't have shoes (because of shoe laces and what he could do with them). People had to sit in on visits, and everywhere you went you were locked in. Weird and scary.

I feel so bad for him, and I really hope this is what he needed to get better.

I'll keep you posted.

Harder than I thought...

So my brother is having a much harder time dealing with his divorce than I thought. My called me this morning all upset because he kind-of had a breakdown last night and was talking suicide and everything. Turns out he's kind-of obsessed with what she's doing now (or should I say who she's doing now), and he drives by her house and calls her just to catch her in lies. Totally psycho, but the thing is he knows he's psycho about it. He went to the dr. today, and I hope they refer him to a therapist or something... He knows he needs help and he's reaching out to get it, which is a really good sign.

I'll tell you what kind-of put him over the edge recently - she had the gall to send him a Valentine's Day card (a husband one) in the mail and write all this mushy bs in it, and he just wigged out.

I feel really bad for him, and he's so torn. He was supposed to be moving out and getting his own apartment, but my parents don't really think that's a good idea right now, and he's having doubts too, so we'll see what happens.

My heart just aches for him, and I, as always, just want to go find that bitch and beat her down!

Typical

So, how was your Valentine's Day? Mine wasn't so great.

I ran home from work to finish getting my stampin' stuff ready for tonight, and then was supposed to head over to the in-law's for a family Valentine's dinner (nice and romantic, I know). Well, Jer calls and asks me to stop and pick up a new prescription for him because he's having a gout attack. OK. So, I run to the drug store. They have one of those drive-through's you know, so I pull up into the line. I sat there for 40 minutes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There was a car behind me and a car in front of me and there is no where to go unless you want to go all off-roading and stuff in the grass. So, I sat there fuming. By the time I got to his mom's, everyone was finished eating (including my clueless husband who had no idea why I was so upset). He says, "you can just heat your steak up in the microwave." Jackass.

So, I didn't talk to him for much of the night and spent my time over there playing with the babies. (Oh, and this dinner including cousins, aunts, uncles, grandma the whole bit, EXCEPT for his sister and her husband who left Jenna there and went out to eat at a really nice place where they had reservations!) WTF??

So, anyhow, I get ready to leave with the baby because my grandma asked me to stop over because she had a little gift for Madeline. So, we did.

When we got home, Jerry was in the hot tub. It took me a minute to catch on that he had left a trail of his clothing throughout the house and up the stairs.... This was a bit weird because Maddy was wide awake and needed pj's and a bottle. So, I look around all confused and go upstairs to find my Valentine's Day gift - this lingerie that I had told him I liked when we were out shopping a few weeks ago. Very sweet, except that I'm still pissed off at him, I'm trying to put Maddy to bed and he's outside in the hot tub! Whatever. I put the baby to bed and head outside. I thank him for my gift, and tell him that I was really annoyed at his mom's house. He apologized. And I sat back and enjoyed the hot tub, because I was so tense and mad and my back was killing me.

He got out of the hot tub and went upstairs. I stayed in for a while longer. I put on my lingerie, climbed into bed and fell asleep. It was kinda funny really, but I truly don't think Jerry was very happy. Oh well. I guess the question is why should Valentine's Day really be any different than any other day?

Oh, and what did I get him, you may want to know... I put together a basket with a bottle of wine and a bottle of champagne, some new boxers, a few of his favorite candy bars and a big candle that I knew he would like. When I got home and he was in the hot tub, he was also scarfing down his candy bars!

In a New York Minute

So I went to New York City over the weekend. Flew in Friday afternoon, and made it out in the nick of time on Saturday evening. I took my 17-year-old cousin to visit the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn. She is thinking of applying to their really unique writing program. So, we got a room in Greenwich Village at the Washington Square Hotel and then took a taxi to the school on Saturday.

That place is pretty cool, and totally up Rachael's ally. Pratt is primarily an art and design school, so it attracts an interesting crowd. Rach fits right in with the atmosphere, it was almost scary to me how perfect it seems for her. Pratt is like the only school in New York with a real gated campus. It's old, and it surely isn't a "beautiful" campus, but it's at least a real campus and not just buildings scattered throughout the city.

All that aside, I must say even as much as I've traveled in my young life (I've been to Paris, London, Florida and NYC several times already), it is still very stressful. This trip was even more stressful though because of the impending weather and because I was responsible for another human being! Wow. I had knots in my stomach the entire trip - catching cabs, walking around near our hotel, finding the school ok, getting to the airport early enough to know if our flight was delayed or cancelled, worrying about the snowstorm and whether or not we would actually get out of there. Bah. Traveling for work is so much easier. You're not worried about money and you usually have a car service, AND I only have to worry about myself.

Let's just say, I won't be doing that again any time soon.

Oh, and did I mention Rachael had never been on a plane before this trip?

Feeling a bit Weird

I'm not really sure why or what it is, but this week I have just been in this weird funk. I had a dream the other night about a psycho ex-boyfriend, and ever since I've just been in this weird kind-of "analyzing my life" and my choices kind of thought mode. I think some of it is stemming from my brother and his impending divorce, and I think part of it is because we have been checking out the new house and realizing that we're going to move away from the town where I've grown up and spent nearly all of my life... I don't know.

It's just like I've been thinking about all the things that have happened in my life that define me, that have made me the woman I am today...

The car accident, college, marriage, Maddy, the affair, the identity theft, the jobs I've had, and even more general things like remembering the time I'd spend at home alone after school when my mom worked and I was in like 5th and 6th grade and I'd have to put a frozen dinner in the oven before my mom got home, or remembering when my mom babysat other kids to make extra money, and when I met Jerry in high school and playing high school sports, or how I felt when I was in third grade and didn't want to read out loud when the teacher called on me.

I know this is a weird and rambling post, but it seems all week I've been flooded with memories from the course of my entire life and it's been really weird.

But, here's a good juicy story for you all to enjoy... (I truly think I could make a killing writing made for TV movies).

So the ex-boyfriend dream... The guy's name was Kevin. Jerry and I were broke up at the end of our senior year for a number of reasons, and I was working as a cashier at a grocery in a nearby town. Kevin was the stokeboy in the alcohol dept. (so, yes, I knew he was at least 21). Anyhow, as a result of the breakup with Jerry and the threats he issued to any and all potential dates I had, I did not go to my senior prom. Instead, that weekend, I went to Kent State University with a bunch of guys from work (yes, 3 guys and me all by myself - smart, I know). So, two of the guys I knew pretty well (they were baggers), but Kevin went too, and I had never talked to him. I thought he was really good looking, but way out of my league because he was older. At any rate, I got to know him a little bit on the drive up... Oh yeah, did I mention that those three boys were token it up while we drove up to the school? So, anyhow, we get there and there's all these random college kids I don't know, and we're sitting in this old house and they're rolling joints, and I'm sitting on this bed. And then everyone was gone except Kevin and I (for some reason, I don't remember). And we started talking a little, and he then he kissed out of the blue. That was it... I was in love with the 23 year old pot dealer! Hah! Anyhow, we dated for several months (all the while Jerry was still trying to win me back), and then I went off to school. He came down there a few times to visit me and stuff, but ultimately it ended because I still loved Jer and wanted to be with him instead, but here are a few hi-lights of the short-lived romance:

He smoked pot all the time while driving the car with me.
He had a pager and would make phone calls from the pay phone (this was before the cell phone boom).
He had a safe in his room.
All of his friends were in high school?
We had sex on the pool table in my parents' basement.
He told me he thought that his dead grandmother sent me to him.
He told me he loved me the first night we met.
When I went away to school, he called me constantly to check on me.
He would drive 3 hours to visit me totally out of the blue, all the time.
When I broke up with him, he typed up this scary letter and signed it with some alias "Frank White."
He mailed me a ripped up picture of me that he had written "whore" all over.
He told me that the whole time we dated he was sleeping with some other chick that had bigger boobs than I did.

Yeah, he was 23 and I was 17. He was a drug dealer and a psycho.

He still works at the grocery store (9 years later), and he's dating the customer service chick at Target!

The good that came out of it: I realized how much I loved Jerry, and we haven't been apart since.

Home & Garden Show

Last night Jer, Maddy and I went to the Home & Garden Show with Jer's sister, her husband and Jenna. It was pretty interesting... Lots of good ideas for decks, fences, pools, hot tubs, etc. Jerry really enjoyed it, I think. Maddy loved seeing all the people there, but her favorite part was the APL booth and seeing the dogs. It made me very sad that we no longer have a puppy for her to love.

The girls were good. We pushed them around in their double stroller, and they were adorable as usual.

I do have to say though that the "theme" for the show this year was Holland, and so there were these windmills everywhere and this weird spot where you could eat Dutch food. It was just odd, and didn't really do much for me. There were tulips everywhere, which were nice, but it just seemed weird. Especially when there are all of these crazy booths like the Kaboom never scrub toilet cleaner, and the one swoop pooper scooper, and all these hideous little tables of porcelain knicknacks and bullshit little decorative crap. It's just a weird mix.

Anyhow, following the show we all went to Olive Garden for dinner. We didn't get to the restaurant until around 8:30. This was dangerous territory, since Madeline is usually in bed by then. She was really good though, and she ate a ton of food. I got soup, and she loved it.

I can't tell you how many times through the course of the night we were asked if the girls were twins. It's funny to watch them interact with each other now. They get so excited to see each other, and they scream back and forth at each other. It's fun to see them getting closer and growing up together.

Things that make me happy

I read a blog post today that inspired me to post some things that make me happy...

1. When Maddy gives me that huge smile when I walk in the door from work, and she lowers her head and she crawls as fast as she can to get to me.
2. Getting an unexpected sweet little email from Jerry during the work day.
3. Seeing my dad with Madeline.
4. When Jer says "I love you" totally out of the clear blue.
5. Knowing when I did a really kick ass job at work, and especially hearing it from a big boss type
6. Traveling.
7. Stamping and scrapbooking without worrying about anything else (time alone, dedicated to my hobbies)
8. Sleeping in (especially since it's such a rare occurrence now)
9. Hearing Maddy belly-laugh.
10. Watching Maddy's face when she figures out something new.
11. Hearing her say "mama"
12. Spending time with my dad.
13. Not having to see the PIL anymore.
14. The thought of being pregnant again. I really can't wait until we're ready to try again. I loved being pregnant.
15. Talking with old friends and catching up once in a while, and feeling like nothing has changed even though everything really has.
16. Working in a hospital and seeing the impact that doctors and nurses and the professionals here have on children's lives.
17. Shopping for anything, anytime.
18. Chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream.
19. The Cheesecake Factory.
20. When people read my blog.

Have a good day. What makes you happy?

Baby Doll

She is just so adorable. I can't tell you all how much fun she is right now. We were just cracking up laughing at her last night. She was making all these silly faces and sounds and playing with her toys. So sweet. Oh my. It's so hard to believe she's nearly a year old already!

Friday couldn't get here fast enough

My what a week it has been. I've been on some weird emotional/hormonal roller coaster, and I am attributing it to PMS the week before my period is due. That's the only explanation I can come up with for the random tears, the instant changes from happy to full raging bitch, and the never-ending "tired" feeling. Bagh.

At any rate, it's Friday! And, I am happy to report that we have a couple coming to check out the house tonight! Woo-hoo!!!! We're having an open house on Sunday, as well, and we are really hoping to get some interest.

New house update: the lumber has arrived. They may've started framing yesterday or today.

Oh yeah, I have recruited my grandparents to watch for a little while tonight while I attempt to get some scrapbooking done. My goal is to be totally caught up in time for Maddy's first birthday, so I have a lot of work to do! The thought of actually executing the creative ideas I've been storing in my brain is what will get me through this day.

I don't want to be at work today. I am so tired and I am just not motivated. Thank God I don't have any crews coming today - I don't think I could effectively turn on the happy PR smile if my life depended on it. I will tell you that I had a great meeting with my boss yesterday, and they may even be hiring me some help! Wouldn't that be great? I'm not holding my breath though.

OH, so here's a great Maddy update: Last night Jer's school had a fundraiser at Chuck E. Cheese. So, we took the baby and went for a little while. She absolutely loved it. You know those robot-looking animal things that sing on stage? She thought they were the coolest thing EVER. And, she is all about dancing now, so the whole time she was bouncing all around and jumping up and down. It was adorable. She waved hi and bye to everyone she saw, and she laughed hysterically at all the kids. I sat her on a couple of rides and she went down this little slide. She was in her glory. Her dad played some games and won tickets. He turned them in for this little light-up ball for her. What a night for a 10-month old, hah?

Oh well, I'm off to attempt to do some work. Maybe some coffee will help.... Have a good weekend y'all.

What's new with me...

Kalahari was really fun. My family had a blast. Madeline really didn't know what to think about all the excitement and having everyone all together. She was really excited and happy most of the time. She liked being in the water with us, and floated around with us on tubes. She actually fell asleep on Jerry in one of those tubes! She was too precious in her little bikinis!

Saturday night, after we got back from the waterpark, we had dinner for my brother-in-law's birthday at Outback, and then we came home and had another couple over for drinks and hot-tubbing. (Maddy spent the night with my parents.) I had way. too. much. to. drink. We were up until like 2 a.m.! Lots of fun though. Then, on Sunday, Jer's family came over to watch the football games and have chili, hot dogs and pizza. It was a totally action-packed weekend and came into work on Monday utterly exhausted.

Had a crappy day on Monday. I was really tired and crabby, and I got upset about some things at work and actually cried a little. Yuck. Yesterday was a little better, but I was still pretty crabby and annoyed.

I got a Blackberry, and it's all hooked up and working. I'm not so sure I like being this "available" for work. Bah. It's addicting to be able to check your email at any given moment, and the damn thing alerts me every time I get a message. I'm still learning how to use it, and on my ride home yesterday I damn near threw the thing out the window because I did something that made the email icon disappear and I couldn't get it back. But, I'll get the hang of it.

The new house has a basement with windows. The lumber package was delivered yesterday, and they should start framing today. We are going to stop by and check it out tonight. We're having an open house on Sunday, in hopes of at least getting someone to come and look at the old house! I can't tell you how much I've been praying that we sell this house before the new one is ready! Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh. Stress.

Oh well, I've gotta run. I have a ton of shit to do, which of course means my phone will start ringing any second now and won't stop until I'm walking out the door tonight. Better get crackin'.

Have a good day.

Kalahari

So, tomorrow I will be out of the office and on a little overnight vacation at Kalahari indoor water park in Sandusky (http://www.kalahariresort.com/OH/Main.aspx).

My entire family is going (grandparents, parents, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins). My grandparents are paying for the whole thing as our Christmas gift. They even gave us gas cards to pay for the fuel to get there! Crazy.

Anyhow, I think it is going to be really fun. We have a suite for the night tomorrow, and everyone is packing coolers full of fun beverages and I think we will have a blast. Madeline absolutely loves the water, so I think she is really going to enjoy it.

Because of this excitement, today is DRAGGING ON FOREVER. Two more hours to go... Blah.

Just the littlest things...

So as you know, I spend a lot of posting space bitching about my husband and all the stupid shit he does or doesn't do, but I really need to share something really nice that he did yesterday...

He had MLK day off, I didn't. He was home all day with the baby, and he went grocery shopping. That was great in itself, but the sweetest part is that when I got home, he had to show me all the things that he bought especially for me and he even bought me flowers. He bought me things he thought would be good to take to work for lunch, and he bought my favorite kind of cereal and he bought a few special snacks for Madeline. I was really impressed that he took so much time and put so much thought into shopping, especially since he had Maddy with him.

When I got home yesterday, Madeline was in a great mood and so was he. He said, "We had a really nice day together." And the best part, they did NOT go over his mother's!

I was really impressed. We went to Chipotle for dinner (that's his favorite place in the whole world), and then we had a nice night playing with Maddy and snuggling.

You know, it wasn't anything fancy, but it was honestly one of the best days/nights I've spent with my husband in a long time.

Just a few things

We had a really productive weekend - got a lot of cleaning done around the house, gearing up for some open houses after the Super Bowl. My parents spent the night on Saturday, and my dad watched Maddy and my mom REALLY helped us clean and do laundry. It was so great!

We had my work "post-holiday" party yesterday. It was really nice. My boss's husband owns a wine distributing company, and we went there for a wine tasting and dinner. The building is amazing and dinner was so nice. I can't even begin to describe what a pleasant atmosphere it was, and I will tell you that the best part about the evening was the way Jerry behaved and treated me. He was so sweet, and I caught him a few times saying some really nice things about me. I left there really knowing how proud he is of me and especially of Maddy. It just really was such a nice night, and I can't tell you how much we needed that - time out without the baby.

On a serious note, my brother lost his job last week. I don't really know too much of the details, but if you've been reading my blog for a while, you'll know that this is not good. He's been so depressed about the whole marriage fiasco, that this was not what he needed at all, but he's handled it surprisingly well. I helped him update his resume and send it out. He's going on a second interview today with a company that he really likes and would love to work for, and he's really approaching the whole thing as a way to make a completely fresh start. Keep him in your prayers, because truly, we are all very worried about his well-being and hope that he really is "making a fresh start." I'll keep you posted on his progress. FYI - in case I didn't mention it before, the dissolution papers have officially been filed and they will eventually have to go to court and get it all finalized, but for now, they are legally separated.

Madeline is feeling soooo much better. She's pretty much back to her old self. She had a good weekend, and played so hard. She is really into her toys, and will entertain herself for long periods of time. Her new thing is "dancin' dancin'" whenever she hears music. It's so adorable. My dad had such a good time with her yesterday - I think he took every toy out of her toy box and played with her. He got her dressed and took a nap with her. It was so cute.

I had a really stressful mommy moment on Saturday afternoon. You see, I have been dying to go to this really awesome scrapbooking/stamping store, and Jerry and I were all set to go out shopping and to lunch, but when Jer was snowblowing the driveway he hit some wire for the sensor on our garage door and it wouldn't close. So, he decided to stay home and fix it, while I took the baby with me by myself. Well, let me just tell you that this store is not a baby-friendly store at all, and I had Madeline in the stroller and she could grab way too many things too easily. Then, she got mad and wanted me to hold her, so I'm holding her and pushing the stroller around the store (which is not designed for said stroller pushing), and so I put all of the stuff I wanted to buy into the stroller. When, she wasn't really happy still. Then it dawned on me that she was probably hungry, so I took all the stuff back out of the stroller and put her in it again and gave her some of those wonderful Gerber fruit puff things. She was fine the rest of the time, but I will tell you that I was sweating in that store and I was so aggravated. Next time, no Maddy when mommy goes to Archivers. I spent way too much $$, because I really was so distracted that I wasn't paying much attention to what I was piling onto the stroller. Oh well. Such is life I guess.

So Sleepy...

I am so sleepy today. I had one of those rides into work this morning where I was truly afraid of dozing off. Jerry and I take turns every other night for who's "on duty" if Maddy wakes up. Well, last night was my night, and she woke up at 12:30 and at 4:30. At 4:30, she wanted no part of going back to sleep, so I brought her in our bed but with no luck still. I woke myself up enough to give her a breathing treatment and a bottle, and she finally fell asleep, but I only had like 20 minutes until my alarm was set to go off. Ugh. I think I'm going to go down to the cafeteria and gets some coffee or something to try to wake me up.

Will it ever end?

So, the sickness cycle continues... I missed work on Friday, because Madeline is really sick. I spent 3 hours with the pediatrician and then another 2 hours at the children's hospital. She has "bronchilitis," but they tested her for RSV and pneumonia. She had to have chest x-rays, they tested her oxygen levels, gave her a breathing treatment, tested her again. Ugh. It was terrible. She had a fever of 103.8! I was so scared. Now, she gets these breathing treatments every four hours, and she's doing SO MUCH BETTER.

On top of the scariness of that on Friday, while at the hospital with Maddy I noticed this funny little rash all over me... Hmmm.... Oh yeah, I am totally allergic to the antibiotics they put me on last week. By Saturday night, I was a flaming red, itchy mess. They called me in a new antibiotic yesterday. Nice.

Jerry went to the dr. again yesterday to get a cortizone shot because he's having a gout flare up.

I tell you, 2006 is not starting off so well.... This sickness streak has got to end! Ugh.

New Work Expectations

I'm posting this because it has been on my mind a lot lately, and I'd love some feedback from others...

My new job requires me to be pretty much accessible/available at any given moment - most of the time just by phone, but it still means that I carry a pager and a cell phone and that I also rotate another "on-call" pager every 3-4 weeks. Pretty soon I'll be getting a Blackberry to be available by email as well...

OK, so you all know I'm a working mom. Well, I have to tell you that I really really love my job. Really, I do. The experience is great, and I honestly don't mind taking the calls at home and all that...

However, what I'm wondering is how long I'm going to be able to survive this way. I used to go home and mentally "turn off" the career mind and "turn on" the mommy brain. Well, now the work brain never stops. And it isn't that I'm not paying attention to Maddy, I am. The mommy brain still comes on, but I'll tell you what's flying out the window... the wife brain. I don't have time to do things around the house, and it's showing. Jerry is getting really annoyed by all the calls and the constant way I talk about work. I know he supports my career, and he would never say anything to me, but I can see it in his face. I forget stupid little things at home A LOT, and in my head I know I'm trying to do too much... the job, the baby, Jerry, stamping, spending time with the rest of our family, trying to clean/maintain our house and laundry and all that stuff. I feel myself getting spread too thin. The problem is, I don't know if or what I could possibly give up... I love every part of my life, and I know I need to make some adjustments, but I'm having a really hard time with it all.

When I have a free moment, I want to stamp, scrapbook and read. I never do though. I ended up going to bed because I'm exhausted. Jerry and I haven't really done anything alone in quite a while...

I think instead of trying to give up something, I am going to try to find a way to take some of the burden off of me. I think I am going to hire my cousin (she's 17 and very responsible) to baby-sit for me on a regular basis, so I get some me-time and can re-charge my batteries. Maybe something like every other week on Saturday afternoon or something... Hmmm... I am really liking this plan. You see, I know that when we move into our new house, we're hiring a cleaning lady, so that won't really be a problem anymore. But I'm becoming resentful that I don't have time for myself to do the things I really enjoy, and thus I'm not really focused on Jerry when we're at home together. I think if I'm a happier woman, I'll be a better wife. Does that make sense or am I just trying to rationalize all of this in my head? I'm going to make a proposal to Jerry about the whole baby-sitter thing... I think he'll be up for it.

What do you all think? How do you keep your sanity??

Missing my Maddy

I am missing my baby this morning. She's so sweet and lovable and I just want to see her smiling face and her babble "mamamamamom" a little bit. I could cry just thinking about the fact that I have to wait like another 8 hours to see her.

She is at the sweetest stage right now - she gives hugs and kisses and just loves to play. My parents came over to visit last night, and you should have heard her belly laughing. It was so cute. She has learned how to do the whole "so big" thing where she lifts up her arms. Well, now that she knows she gets a reaction when she does that, she will do it every time you ask her a question or something that she doesn't know. So, I'll ask her, "Maddy, how was your day today?" So big. "How are you feeling this morning?" So big. "Maddy, do you want to take a bath?" So big. It's so silly, and she just lights up every time with this huge smile. "Maddy, how big is daddy?" So big. :)

She's learning how to blow kisses now. She hasn't quite mastered this yet, but it's getting there.

I am going to have to call her today. When she hears my voice on the phone, she smiles and kisses the phone. On occasion, she'll say "mamama." Most of the time, she's too excited and just smiles though.

Oh well, gotta run. Just had to share my mommy thoughts this morning.

Trying to Recover

I seriously could write a book this morning, I have so many things I could post about. But, here are just the snip-its:

• Maddy's 1st Christmas was amazing. She was too cute for words and is really enjoying all of her new toys.
• The entire week after Christmas, Jerry, Maddy and myself endured seven days worth of torture in the form of snot, coughing, eye infections, strep throat, multiple doctor visits and a giant stash of antibiotics.
• I saw the movie, Memoirs of a Geisha, while enduring a round of orange diarrhea from the mega-dose of antibiotics I am now taking.
• Spent New Year's Eve at home with Maddy, by myself. We were both asleep at midnight. Jerry was out partying it up.
• Yes, we had a HUGE fight because of that. Still not really sure it's over...
• Jerry is now 27 - Happy Birthday to him on New Year's Day. I didn't even give him a card or anything, as a result of said fight.
• I am now feeling a little guilty, but still really mad, about said fight.
• Madeline has her 9 month check-up today at 9:30. This will be her 4th doctor visit in one week!
• I was supposed to be off today to go with her for the shots, poor baby, but I had to miss 3 days last week due to the horrible illness we were all experiencing, so I'm back in the office today.
• While I was out sick, a woman was attacked and raped on the hospital campus, along the walkway from the parking garage to the hospital - where I walk everyday!!
• They caught the guy.
• My brother has officially filed the dissolution papers - almost 3 months to the day of the dreaded MBNA phone call.
• They are breaking ground on our new house this week.
• Aaaaah! We have a little more than 90 days to sell our house before we will be paying 2 mortgages!
• Praying really hard we sell our house soon.
• Have a ton of work to catch up on.

Hope you are all off to a great 2006!

Merry Christmas

Today is my last day of work until Tuesday, so I wanted to make to wish you all a Merry Christmas. We have a heavy schedule of activity kicking off tomorrow and running through Monday. I'm actually kind-of annoyed that we have to run around so much, but I know it will all be worth it in the end... My presants are wrapped, my cookies are baked and I'm all set for Maddy's first Christmas, I think. I'm really ready to be done at work too. I doubt that I get very much accomplished today. Nobody's really here either, which makes it even harder. I might try to sneak out a little early. But seriously, is it really sneaking if there is nobody here to catch you? Hmmm...

I'm really annoyed today though because I forgot my cell phone at home. It's only 8:30 and it is driving me insane. I used to never really care too much about having a cell phone, let alone using one, but ever since I've started this new job, my phone has become like another right hand. I asked for that BlueTooth thing for Christmas, because I spend much of my hour-long commute home on the phone.

OK. I just got off the phone with my boss, and I've gotta run. It is going to be a CRAZY day. Big news stories to get out.

At any rate, Happy Holidays to all of you and your families!

Memoirs of a Geisha

Books are dangerous for me. Once I start reading one I just can't stop until I'm finished. This used to not be such a big deal - Jerry would get a little annoyed with me, but that was ok. Now, with Maddy, it drives me nuts because I just don't have the time to read as much as I'd like (hell, I don't have time to a lot of things I'd like to), but this all brings me to the events of the last few nights...

Last week while Jer and I were at the mall, I bought Memoirs of a Geisha. I started reading it over the weekend. Now, I have to preface this with the fact that I am a very fast reader, and used to read an entire book in just one night. Well, I started reading this one on Saturday, and I just finished it last night. I was determined to finish this book. I loved it all, and poured over the beautiful descriptions of the kimonos and the amazing sisterhood of the geishas. It was truly a great book, and I really cannot wait to see the movie. But anyhow, back to being a mommy and trying to read... You see, I was obsessed with this book, so I would tell Jerry to watch Maddy because I had to go to the bathroom, and I would sneak the book in there just to read a few chapters. Then, I would read while I was feeding Maddy a bottle or folding the laundry or while the baby was sitting the pack-n-play. Every second I could sneak in some reading, I did. And, I finished the book. However, I have to ask... is this crazy? I stayed up late every night reading for a couple of hours after Madeline went to sleep, to the point where Jer was ready to sleep and I still had the lights on... this is highly unusual, as I usually get mad that he's still up watching TV when I'm ready to sleep.

You know, my thought on it is this... Reading is something I do for me, and I haven't had time to read a book since Madeline was born. I don't think cramming in one book from time to time is so bad?

TIME OUT FROM BOOK POST: My husband just called me... I have to vent. You see he is home from now until after New Year's, so he has Maddy with him. Now, I told him a few days ago that I really needed to do Maddy's laundry or she wouldn't have clothes for him to put on her... Well, I haven't had time to get to it because I was busy doing the piles and piles of laundry of ours that we had been hoarding all over the house. (Plus, you know I was busy with the book). So, there really isn't much in Maddy's closet right now that will fit her... so, he called to bitch to me and ask where clothes were that he could put on her... And then he proceeds to ask why there are all these clothes still in the closet and her drawers that are too small.... Now, I told him weeks ago that was a project I really needed to tackle; however, with the holidays I was just too busy and that I would work on after the craziness subsided. He goes on to tell me how easy it was to do and how he couldn't believe she had all these clothes, blah, blah, blah... I am so fuming mad at him right now. Who the hell does he think he is???? He has never in Madeline's 9 months of life done a load of her laundry or put it away or packed her bag of clothes for the week or kept up with the constant need for new clothes in bigger sizes... Now, he's complaining about her closet. Oh my gosh. I am going to kill him. So, I told him that her laundry really needed to be done... His response, "I'll keep looking and find something to put her in until you get home." Asshole.

Yes, for those of you that think I'm insane about mentioning the other day about having another one.... Yes, I am. I need to kick Jer's ass into gear if that's even going to be discussed any time soon! Ugh.

OH, and here's another good one for ya... He's off for like 2 weeks, right? Do you think he would get up with her last night when she woke up at 2 a.m.?? OH no. Mommy was up for like 45 minutes with her, while he snored away. Do you think he helped me put her to bed when she was screaming bloody murder because she's teething so bad, even when I yelled down and asked him to come help me? OH no. He was snoring on the couch, curled up with a blanket while I gave her a bath, fed her, changed her, and spent an hour trying to get her to sleep. OH, and for the record, I actually cooked a meal for dinner last night too while his ass sat on the couch!!!!!! Bah. The dishes will still be in the sink when I get home, I'm sure.

Santa

I cannot believe Christmas is this weekend! Madeline will be 9 months old on Christmas day. Wow. Where does the time go?

At any rate, this year is the first time I have to play the role of Santa. I know Maddy is too young to really understand any of this stuff, but I still feel like I need to start off on the right foot and I know in my heart that she will at least understand that Christmas is a really special time in our family. So, I bought her entirely too much stuff - toys and clothes and books, oh my! I cannot wait to put it all and set stuff up for her to see on Christmas morning, but here's the catch... I really want my husband to put together this ride-on thing we bought her and have it sitting out and make it all look really magical for her, but I know my husband is going to think I'm a wack-job since Maddy will really have no clue what's going on...

I would love your feedback on what you've done for your child's first Christmas or what you think about the whole thing...

Proud Mama Wants Another One

I have to update you all on some things my precious Maddy is doing these days:
Claps her hands
Opens her mouth and "gives kisses"
Says: Mama, Dada, Hi
Waves her entire arm whenever she hears the word "bye"
Frantically "flaps" her arms up and down when she's excited about something
Crawls like she's in a speed race
Stands up on everything
Can drink out of a straw, and absolutely loves doing it
Wants to eat "real" food and throws a hissie if you don't have something you can share
Is teething fiercely - her top incisors are coming in now
She tries to whisper - this is my personal favorite and is soooo cute!

I am telling you that girl is the absolute greatest little thing on the face of the planet!! My parents kept her overnight on Saturday, so that Jer and I could go to his friend's Christmas party. And we both really missed her. At the party, Jer was so cute showing everyone pictures of her and talking about her. On our entire drive out to my mom's to pick her up, we couldn't stop gushing to each other about our little princess. As soon as she heard us come in, those arms started flapping and she raced on her hands and knees to come and get us. Soooo cute.

She's such a wonderful baby, and I am totally getting the itch to have another one. Oh my. It's the same feeling I had when I knew I wanted to have her... Jerry is trying to fend me off with a stick, no more or less he keeps reminding me of the realities that make another one not such a good idea for at least a few more months. We'll probably start trying again later this summer. That way they will be about 2 years apart. I really want a boy, but Jer would prefer another girl. Weird, hah?

Anyhow, I will have to post another time about the party we went to on Saturday. THat was absolutely the craziest party I've been to as an adult out of college. I'm not even kidding - people got naked and all these chicks were flashing everyone. It was insane. The worst part, the majority of the guests were teachers!

Yesterday was a really great day. Jerry was in a really great mood, and it totally showed. We had a nice morning together before picking up the baby, and we ended up staying at my mom's all day and baking cookies. It's hard to explain why that was so great, but really it was just nice to have Jer make me feel so good about everything without even trying. Plus, last week he sent a really nice email to my mom thanking her for watching Maddy for us a lot, and asking her to help him shop for me... Too cute. This weekend was so nice, and I am truly blessed to have such a beautiful daughter and great husband, now I just want to add to our little family :)

Hubby's Misconceptions

I am utterly exhausted today, and my back is killing me. The stress of being a working mom is really taking a toll on me with everything we need to get done to the house and for Christmas. Ugh. Last night, I got home from work and cleaned the upstairs of the house, made blueberry muffins for my whining husband who has been asking me to make them for weeks, gave Maddy a bath, played with her for a while, and spent 45 minutes getting her to bed. Oh, and in the middle of that, took out all the trash, had a stamping customer stop by to pick up her order, and went through all the mail from the past few days to see what things needed to be handled.

Now, do you know what my husband did last night? He hung out at his mom's house after work, so that he could time getting home at the same time as me (thus, not having to watch Maddy by himself). I get home and she's in the Pack n' Play, and he's on the couch watching TV. He leaves her with me and runs out to pick up some Quizno's for dinner. Comes back and takes a nap with Maddy while I clean - they are both snoring away in the recliner while I make the damn muffins. He watches TV while I give her a bath and then heads out to the hot tub while I put her to bed.

Now, I realize there are a few good things about what he did last night - he handled dinner and he kept her occupied while I cleaned upstairs; however, I have to remind you all that my day starts when I leave the house at 6 a.m. and I get home from work at 5:30 p.m. I make about 35% more $ than my husband. I have an hour commute each way. Our arrangement is that he is supposed to make dinner and do the dishes every night, and I honestly couldn't tell you the last time he cooked a meal. Dishes will sit for a long time before he does them, but the last few times I've ended up doing those too on the weekend.

Every time I've gone Christmas shopping, I've had Madeline with me. Every time I have a stamping function, I have Madeline with me. Jerry doesn't change diapers at home like ever.

You know what he tells me all the time, and this is exactly what he said when I asked him if he would put her to bed last night, "No way - I have her every morning."

Every morning, he does have to get her out the door. But, I leave at 6, and he leaves at 7:15. He takes her to his mom's in pajamas, because at the beginning of each week, after I do all of her laundry, I pack a bag of clothes for her and send it over there. So, really he has one hour to entertain her and put her in the snowsuit and snap her into the car seat. Yet, when I get home she's basically attached to me until she goes to bed 4 hours later.

Blah. I know I'm being petty. And I know Jerry thinks he's doing a lot, but I have to tell you that I am in desperate need of some alone time. I just want some time to do something without the baby and without Jerry asking every 2 seconds if I'm done yet or when I'm going to be home. Bah.

He doesn't get it. I am really feeling stressed out.

Happy Monday Morning!

Good morning everyone. How was your weekend? Mine was action-packed as always. Friday night we had Jer's work Christmas party. It was at another teacher's house, and oh my gosh was this house amazing! Her husband is in medical sales, and you could definitely tell he'd makes some big bucks, but I will also tell you that our new house doesn't pale in comparison... I think we may one day be having this party at our house! Saturday morning we had family pictures taken with Jerry's sister and their baby and a few of his cousins. Crazy. The pictures are great though, and we took our first official family portrait of the three of us. I just love it so much. Maybe I'll post it soon. Then, after pictures, Maddy and I went shopping with my dad all day for my mom's gifts while Jerry helped his sister move. Maddy and I spent the night at my mom's, and then yesterday morning dad and I got up and ran out to one more store to finish up, and then I had to drive my brother to go pick up his car, and then we finally got home around 2 p.m. Only to turn around a couple hours later to go to Jerry's parents for dinner. We got home at 8 p.m. last night. I gave Maddy a bath, put her to bed, and went right to bed myself!! Insanity. I am so tired this morning. Wow.

While out shopping over the last week, I've begun to notice that my daughter is an incredibly well-behaved child. Since Thanksgiving, Madeline has accompanied me on three all-day shopping marathons - in and out of the car, eating in the food courts, the whole deal, and she has just been excellent. She loves to see all the people and look at the decorations in the mall, and she generally just likes all the action going on around her. Occasionally she'll get fussy, but it's usually because she needs her diaper changed or needs to eat a bottle. Moms have it rough this time of year, and after these marathon days, I am becoming much more grateful that I have a "good baby." It is so hard to maneuver the stroller in the stores, and trying to focus on shopping while remembering to feed and change the baby, while entertaining her and trying to pay for things and packing the stroller totally filled with gifts. It is just amazing, and it is such a different endeavor than when you don't have children, and you just have to think about the shopping task at hand. But you know, even though it is a ton of work and she makes shopping a truly exhausting experience, I wouldn't change one thing. I am so happy to have her with me when I'm out and about and she babbles and smiles at everyone. She totally deserves the way too many presents her mommy has bought her!! :)

Have a great day!

The illness from hell

Today is the first day I've been to work this week. You see over the weekend I came down with the illness from hell, otherwise known as strep throat. Saturday morning my throat was a little scratchy. Saturday afternoon I was achy and tired. Saturday night I sat in the hot tub hoping my aching neck and back would feel better. Sunday, my throat felt like someone had installed spike strips for my saliva to pass through - seriously it hurt so bad to swallow, I couldn't bare it and spit in the sink a lot. Sunday night I woke up sweating from a fever. Now, remember that I now work in a hospital. So, coming to work was not an option, and I knew I really needed to go the doctor. So I did, and I now I'm taking penicillin for 10 days. Was still contageous and still felt like crap yesterday. Today, I feel a little bit better. My throat has, for the most part, retracted the spike strips and is allowing me to swallow with minimal irritation. Now, I just have to get back into the swing of work... Bah.

The last time I had strep throat, I was in college. It was right after I moved into the dorm my sophomore year. I ended up missing my first three days of class that year because I had to wait for the dr. to show up on campus to give me drugs. I was so sick. I remember just laying on the floor and crying. I also threw up a few times then. Thank God that didn't happen this time around - I did feel nauseous off and on, and this lovely penicillin has turned all of my bodily waste a nice bright orange color though. Anyhow, I remember this because it was the first year that I lived with my now very best friend. What a great impression I made as a roommate - totally sick and puking the first days. Plus, being sick made me get really homesick and then I missed Jer a whole bunch and was having this total breakdown and debating about transferring schools. I was a mess. Once I got through the illness from hell, I realized I didn't want to transfer schools and that to help me get through it all I would just graduate a whole year early.

You see, I get sick when I get really stressed out or have some big decisions going on. Hmmm.... Now if you've been reading this blog for any amount of time you can understand why the illness from hell was bound to strike again.

The truly great news is that the dr. told me that children under the age of 2 very very rarely get strep throat - so Madeline should be safe. I was really freaking out about that. Jerry, on the other hand, is not so safe, and I truly expect him to come down with it very soon.

Well, I probably won't post again until Friday. Gotta get caught up today, and yeah, as bad as this sounds, I'm out of the office again tomorrow. I took this vacation day a long time ago, because I have a follow-up appt. with my ob/gyn and then will be hooking up with my mom, my cousin and my aunt to go shopping. (They all took tomorrow off too). Should be fun. I need a little pick me up and some "me" time. Madeline will still be going to MIL's house. I've had her with me while I was home sick, and she's been great. She's so much fun, but the break sounds really nice.

Scrapbooking & Stamping

It's been quite the busy week. Work is crazy - 10 hour days, coming in at 6:30 a.m.! Insane. We took Madeline to see Santa on Wednesday - that was the funnest part of the week. Tonight, I have MAJOR stamping to do. My club's Christmas meeting is tomorrow, and I have a lot of things to get ready for it. Of course I haven't started at all. My mom is coming over tonight to stamp as well, and help me get ready for tomorrow.

I am finding it harder and harder to really focus on stamping because I want to spend all of my available crafting time SCRAPBOOKING. I never thought that I would really get into scrapbooking. Stamping was such a passion, but then I started Maddy's scrapbook and it has become a new obsession. I have so many pictures and page ideas, and not enough time to do it! I might have to become one of those women that I used to think were crazy, staying up until all hours of the night working on pages. I really want to scrap her Halloween pictures, and some really great pictures of her and Jerry. I also want to go back and do some more pages of her earlier pictures. I think after the holidays, I am going to have to ask Jerry to let me have some real time to devote to it.

Ugh. So much to do. I need to put up my Christmas tree too. Maybe Sunday. I am only putting up one this year (I usually do two). I am only going to put the one up in the basement because Madeline is just too quick and too smart to have one upstairs. I know she would try to pull herself up on it, and it would probably come crashing down around her! No thanks. My tree in the basement with all of my collector's Disney ornaments will do just fine. We're finally get the house listed with the realtor too, so I need to spend some time cleaning and packing up some "clutter" too. When the hell I am supposed to do all this I have no idea! I am also supposed to go shopping with my dad for my mom's Christmas gifts. This is an annual tradition. Hmmm... that's a good topic for a future post. Holiday traditions. Next week. I actually need to go do some work now.